Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend teased me by asking if I wanted to fuck her best friend in the ass. Obviously it was a joke, but now I can't stop thinking about it and I know it will never happen. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML
Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML
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Top comments
UH60 26
Are you by chance the same guy that 'accidentally' slipped into the wrong hole yesterday?
Steve95401 49
Make sure to sleep on your back or on your side facing her. Also, be careful about bending over in the shower to pick up your soap off the floor.
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Comments (234)
UH60 26
Are you by chance the same guy that 'accidentally' slipped into the wrong hole yesterday?
YouEatDiarrhea 13
I was wondering the same thing when I read this
apineapple 40
And then possibly she went looking for a *****, encountering a children's toy store on the way.
Fyrepower 23
?Omg, that is perfect #37
clawstrophobic 15
It's a small world after all
I_Am_The_Cold 19
The original poster is female.
tyza 7
shows male to me
hipposteve 21
lmao! she's ******* with you! it's (hopefully) a joke.
blackman100 20
Yeah, it's all fun and games until someone wakes up with a ***** in their ass.
thisguy22 33
Speaking from experience 74?
El_Boxeador 14
Take it like a man!! Oh, wait...
quackImapenguin 16
Could just as easily be waiting for you to fall asleep so she can use the ***** on herself without being bothered.
nillawafer13 13
OP, have you tried talking to her? Like, not immediately dismissing her kink, but explaining to her why you don't want to do it? She might listen if you do!! And if not... well then I agree, **** your life :P
mattrd_fml 31
don't knock it til you try it
LoZelda123 20
The fact that she's waiting for you to fall asleep is what makes this really disturbing... FYL OP I recommend running faaaaaaar away
SuperWhoMarvLock 22
*music playing* Run.
DaRito 25
Just sleep on your back and you'll be fine
gersfan8 15
Did she try to buy it at a children's toy store?