Today, my girlfriend told me she wants to have sex with my ass. I'm not sure she's taking "no" for an answer, seeing as how she's keeping a dildo on her nightstand and is clearly waiting for me to fall asleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML
Today, my girlfriend gave me a blow-up doll and told me to practice. FML
Today, my girlfriend admitted she had a nightmare about having sex with me. FML
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, my girlfriend said she didn't want to have sex because it takes too long. FML
Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML
Today, my girlfriend teased me by asking if I wanted to fuck her best friend in the ass. Obviously it was a joke, but now I can't stop thinking about it and I know it will never happen. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML
Today, while I was going down on my girlfriend, she fell asleep. She said she was too tired to fake it. FML
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Top comments
UH60 26
Are you by chance the same guy that 'accidentally' slipped into the wrong hole yesterday?
Steve95401 49
Make sure to sleep on your back or on your side facing her. Also, be careful about bending over in the shower to pick up your soap off the floor.
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Comments (234)
missyfiona89 28
doubleofuck 20
Just so you know OP, you've already denied consent and if she does try anything with the ***** when you are asleep it can be considered sexual assault or rape depending on how far she gets. Honestly, if she's making you uncomfortable because you don't want to do something you should rethink your relationship with her. No one deserves to feel fear because they don't know what their partner will do to them when they fall asleep.
joshi42 16
Did you use HER ass lately? Anyway, constantly whine about diarrhea, that might stop her for getting too close to your ass.
darkthunda1324 6
#Run nigga run!!!!
opiate_ape 10
All the jokes on here insane if that was a dude waiting for his girl to sleep before inserting anything into her people would be screaming rape for miles but cos it the other way round it's funny...
iwadasn 33
There was another FML a few days ago posted by a girl whose boyfriend "accidentally" went in the wrong hole and then kept going to the point of injuring her, and people were making jokes about that too.
just_killin_time 14
And it was equally messed up. To be fair though - I didn't see anybody comment stuff like "you probably deserved it for something you did". May have something to do with the fact that the post in question was made a couple of days before this one. Still....the comments on both....smh
daemonsparta 16
if you said no then it would be rape and if she doesn't respect that kick her to the curb. id say the ***** goes or i go
Jord_Fox 14
The FML just before this one makes this even more funny
EdenZombies 9
Hey, you better not be full of shit.
enginsteve 17
That is ******* hilarious!
Keiraquarium 12
Someone waiting until their partner is asleep to shove a ***** up their ass after they've said no? Doesn't sound hilarious to me... sounds like rape.
IronMan_Mk43 20
Rape