Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend left me. When she moved out, she even took the light bulbs with her. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend moved out. I came back to a sparsely furnished home; she'd even taken the shower head, my beard trimmer, and the soap from the bathroom. FML
Today, after finally breaking up with my controlling girlfriend, she took a shit in my socks. FML
Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML
Today, I came home to my empty apartment. My girlfriend had left a note on the floor that said: "Took my stuff and left. Took your stuff and pawned it." FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and threw all my stuff out into the yard because she caught me "texting another woman". Guess it didn't matter to her that the contact name was "Mom". FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after a year of living together. She told me that she met someone else and wanted to move out. She moved out... but moved her things into my roommate's bedroom. FML
Today, my not-yet-even girlfriend dumped me in front of her family, as they all mocked and laughed at me because of my pointless and ridiculous "quirks". I'd told them that I shower and change into fresh clothes every day. I'd also said do not wipe after I poop, but I wash, soap, rinse, and dry. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into an argument while she was in the bathroom. I told her I was leaving her because she's too needy. She came out of the bathroom and threw her used tampon at me. FML
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Top comments
mofran 0
shit on her doorstep. don't worry bro, **** that bitch & move on.
wisese 0
Your girlfriend is an immature child. Even if you were a horrible boyfriend, she has proven to be a rather low creature because she couldn't simply leave you; she evidently thought it was appropriate to attack you. Class act. Be glad she's gone op.
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Comments (149)
mofran 0
shit on her doorstep. don't worry bro, **** that bitch & move on.
QuisMysterium 4
It's pretty hard to **** a bitch that just broke up with you.
StoryOfTheYear 15
That's an opinion.
suavesuave 2
call her and be like "did you do this?"When she says yes say " ya well I have been trying to get to the button of this all day I have to cut one of my girlfriends off for this glad it was you" then hang up delete # and b happy :) u won!
enonymous 9
That's compost bro. She's trying to show you how to grow your own Tomatoes and all those harsh pesticides from the cleaning products are going to kill it... It was a way to get you to go green as a goodbye present If you're that mad do what any rational, reasonable and mature person would do. Talk shit on her wall and defriend her off Facebook
nahgemsoohc 0
Oh man!! What did you do to her?
Jonkbaby 23
take pics and post them to Facebook and say "I don't ride with dirty girls; cause they get dumped"
nixter5 18
Yeah, shit on her desk LIKE A BOSS.
SuperKnuckels 6
you should go to her house and clean it and shed be like wtf. xD
Bajee 10
19-WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
sarah_cheverie 0
That stinks.
airforce987 20
51 - not sure if fail-pun or just fail-spelling...
rexgar2000 10
the question is what did you do to her.
urdirtyolduncle 15
2- is that a chow chow?
asoptavlo14 6
This conversation is spiraling out of control..
anonymoustravis 0
*sigh*. This is why women shouldn't be allowed on the internet.
redfishbluefish2 13
What a dirty thing to do.
boofgall 16
What a bloody bitch.
DynamicDave 11
Boy, it's always nicer to have a clean break.
anonseal 9
these puns are trash
youcantwin 8
Oh damn, fyl
wisese 0
Your girlfriend is an immature child. Even if you were a horrible boyfriend, she has proven to be a rather low creature because she couldn't simply leave you; she evidently thought it was appropriate to attack you. Class act. Be glad she's gone op.
nciolfi 0
Thank god she's not still his gf
FYLDeep 26
You can't be afraid to get dirty in the real world.
FYLDeep 26
3 down-votes already? If this comment gets buried then I'm going to be left to believe that most people using FML are little kids that haven't worked a real job. Shit happens in life. When it does you got to deal with it.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Or FML has a sizable population of germaphobes we need to apologize too.
wisese 0
Bahahahaha...I thumbed your comment up (afterall, it's just a small dose of reality) and its already been thumbed down again. :P Maybe your observation is apt.
noncom 12
#6 Well I am a germaphobe, but serioisly who would'nt get mad at the fact that there Ex-Girlfriend smeared mud all over there house and there cleaning supplies.
yumlicious 4
And what's your definition of a "real job"?
FYLDeep 26
Basically anything? What employer would tolerate an employee obsessing over nothing when there's shit that needs to get done?
sheethapins 13
40 Anything besides prostitution, drug dealing, and gambling.
Torva_fml 16
71- last I checked selling my weed, and body is a full time job! As well as gambling my profits.
WCARlover 35
Wow that just takes bitchiness to a whole new level...
thisisafunnyname 12
level eight and a half
StopDropNRoll 11
I'm afraid to hear about lvl 10 if that's 8.5 D:
StoryOfTheYear 15
Germaphobe... Please don't tell me you're one of those insecure ***** who has hand sanitizer hanging from their belt.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
No that's why I have pockets O.o
StoryOfTheYear 15
But then it's not already out in case someone sneezes within 15 feet of you.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
Gloves lol, and a face shield **** it where can I buy a riot shield? Lol
StoryOfTheYear 15
Whiteboy7thst has two. XD
oh_your_god 15
I prefer to live in my hazmat suit and gas mask. Hand sanitizer is for the super courageous.
TheDeadlyTurtle 7
I'll share a bubble with u if ur game :p
suavesuave 2
Wow okay this is what you do.. CALL the cops !
lantern 6
What are the cops supposed to do?
mrskaragoz 0
We call that vandalism
chinkychick 16
I accidentally thumbs downed. I'm sorry.
suavesuave 2
Wtf chinky chick? Lol :p and ya def vandalism and prob breaking an entry 2
jpoole 4
Dam, what a bitch. Find her weakness and exploit it for REVENGE.
kevin1284546 0
And if he does get revenge she'll shit all over his house.
jpoole 4
Well then she has a huge gaping anus.