Today, I told my boyfriend I was ovulating. He said he didn't want to have sex because he was afraid of getting eggs on his penis. He then compared it to having sex with a fish. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend started freaking out about how his penis floats in water. Baths with him will never be the same again. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like having sex with me, because I get too wet and it makes him go limp. FML
Today, my boyfriend struck up a conversation about the reproductive systems of seahorses. We were getting intimate at the time. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML
Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why having sex with him was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty Pringles can. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that I've missed my period, and that I think I might be pregnant. He started panicking and ended up puking in the toilet. FML
Today, I was feeling a bit insecure about my body, and I told my boyfriend I don't know how he can even stand to have sex with me. He replied, "I know, right?" FML
Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML
Today, my ex was fucking me, tossing me on his bed and pulling my clothes off. I can't resist sex, but I whimpered, "I'm ovulating…" It seemed to turn him on more. I hope to god I don't get pregnant. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he wouldn't have sex with me because yesterday I ate a sandwich in his bed and got crumbs in it. FML
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Top comments
mofran 0
make some dinner with fish eggs and say "damn got my eggs in the food AGAIN"
shadow2903 11
Haha weird boyfriend...obviously doesn't know a ton about female anatomy...
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Comments (192)
shadow2903 11
Haha weird boyfriend...obviously doesn't know a ton about female anatomy...
enonymous 9
Hey... if it smells like a fish...
Jonkbaby 23
well duh tuna OP
elementalz 2
Were not all retards ladies don't worry
x_KL_x 7
What's all this then?! There can only be one Harry Potter around here! :D
The_Real_Peter 1
Ron, Ron, Ron Weasly!
Chloe2008 0
He's not the brightest fish in the sea
Humanspider 18
Totally posting this on facebook. Awesome!
Mister_Triangle 21
79-You're not helping our case. It's "we're"
SookyTurner 4
157 = win
MeIsHere 8
We're*
mofran 0
make some dinner with fish eggs and say "damn got my eggs in the food AGAIN"
wisese 0
2, that's called caviar, and is considered a delicacy in some cultures and societies. :/
StoryOfTheYear 15
^^^ And that's called redundant "Better-than-you" shit nobody wants to read.
wisese 0
Oh, didn't realize pointing out commonly known facts was considered "higher-than-thou". My apologies, sorry to offend your sensibilities.
StoryOfTheYear 15
If you weren't doing it to show that you were better than him then what were you trying to accomplish with your comment.
imcharp 5
Lmao
wisese 0
22, I was adding to the comment. Perhaps if I added "he might enjoy it", you wouldn't have interpreted my comment as pompous. Quite frankly, considering your profile, I find your accusatory comments to be surprising. No need to be hostile over a simple observation.
StoryOfTheYear 15
I care what people have to say about improvement. If I cared about everything everyone said I'd have a neutral, boring life. If I was perfect I wouldn't have put that on there. Feel free to give me a smacking in a PM about it. I apologize for being unrational and I should've been a little less in your face, but I still don't see a real point to your comment because if someone truly cared to know it they could google it or they are to you to know it and shouldn't be on this site (13+).
Harpy20 24
Omfg just stfu and enjoy the fml goddammit.
xMidna 6
You know wisese that was kinda the joke, at least how I read it it seemed that it was the point of the comment.
ladyLALAA 29
SOTY, I think your existence is an fml.
BadMeetsREvil 0
Story of the year, you're a ******* idiot
iWuzzHeree 0
Rofl. That almost made me pee my pants, I was laughing so hardd.
PoeSlayer 0
Lol. Story of the year likes nickelback. F his life!
cetlawizard 15
Honestly SOTY, NOBODY under 18 should be on fml, since most content is inappropriate for children anyways @ least that's my opinion/take on the whole thing regarding this site...too many times I have read really stupid fmls/comments (usually by the under 18 crowd) & @ the very least there shouldn't be anyone under 16 on here.
J0gby 0
#2 that was the funniest comment I have seen yet hahahaha!
AlexBblah 10
Lol, #22
Tsunami87 17
That's a fishy situation
Tsunami87 17
Poor puns ftw
boofgall 16
There is no win here.
Tsunami87 17
No win intended.
WCARlover 35
Well if you gave him head wouldn't it be like eating caviar then?
D37H100 5
The other way around. If he went down on her.
WCARlover 35
I meant if he "got eggs on his penis" like he was afraid of haha
Awsemogreeb 19
Do you like fish sticks?
WCARlover 35
Um no
sunworshiper 10
I guess you're not a gay fish then....
StoryOfTheYear 15
Is it because breaded has something to do with genius? Which swims?
sunworshiper 10
edit.. Actually, I guess you would be since you are female... Then you're a gay fish!!
WCARlover 35
I'm confused...please do explain?
StoryOfTheYear 15
You've never seen it/heard of it? It's a South Park episode about a play on the words "Fish Sticks" because it sounds like Fish Dicks. You need to watch it, it's one of the best South Park episodes ever.
WCARlover 35
Haha never ever...well thanks for explaining cause I was so lost. I'll get to watching that right away
Enslaved 38
Fish heads fish heads, Roly poly fish heads, Fish heads fish heads, Eat them up yum. (:
diidiimi 10
Omg! I haven't heard that song in years!! I sing it all the time to my cats and no one else knows what I'm on about. Glad I didn't imagine it or something (like that tv show with t-shirt and t-bag that I'm also not sure actually existed. I swear it was real, but everyone thinks I'm crazy).
BadKitty13 28
I'm sorry but I never heard that song, Where is it from ??
perdix 31
#59, Barnes & Barnes, FTW! Dr. Demento - w00t, w00t! I got on that show once :D
Zaxnu 0
You can find on dr demento
kenyrabit 25
When explaining South Park references, one must feel that all good things may die with the 90's babies.
Enslaved 38
Strange, I'd think most guys wouldn't want to have sex with you, out of fear of becoming a dad too soon instead.
mdtdnb 7
I thought that's where this was going too.
nattynatters 14
Yeah... I'm still trying to figure out why she even told him that. Usually only parents trying to conceive want to know that. Unless you're keeping track as a form if birth control?
BeefyQueef 5
Don't knock fish sex before you try it. Seriously. Try it.
FYLDeep 26
Possibly a greater concern would be that those eggs eventually hatch.
jwade11 12
Haha. Ya I was trying to think of something to add to this but someone already mentioned he doesn't know anything about the female anatomy so there's nothing else to say other than that's freakin hilarious! Lol omg
Laxinitup 18
A guy like this shouldn't be allowed to stick his penis in or near anyone's eggs. It makes me think though this problem is pretty small compared with the fact he said it would be like having sex with a fish, how would he know that....
StoryOfTheYear 15
I have that insecurity too. Gotta rub them pretty softly down there or the shell breaks. The yolk is very messy and I... Oh. Never mind. I said nothing.
SomeRussianGirl 3
Lmao
jpoole 4
Wow, why do some people sound like they have an IQ of 20. Date some smarter men.
docscientist 10
I like when someone mentions low IQ, which is saying the person is retarded, it gets thumbs up, but when someone actually states that someone in the Fml is retarded, there's a minor shit-storm about how you shouldn't call people retarded.
mk58 31
Docscientist, I guess as long as you don't say the word, your good. :D Doesn't mean you can't think it!
portablecupid 3
There's a difference between low intelligence and mental retardation.
icmandel 2
No there isnt. Being mentally retarded is by definition having an IQ below 80 points(i think its 80, i might be slightly off, but the concept still stands)
suavesuave 2
Your dating Einstein I see
suavesuave 2
True * you're * but this isn't an English dictionary it's fml. Might as well correct almost every comment here. Or get a life lol
suavesuave 2
Expected? ... From who ? ....u? Your Nobody! It's fml people say whatever they want. Go give your pep talk to everyone on fml lol Commenting back just proves you don't have a life bud lol P.s i misspelt it again to c if you will waist the time to correct me again and prove u have no life lol
suavesuave 2
Hahaha did tht to c if ud comment. i am j commenting to let u it's nice of you to comment thanks for the time you spent on me :$ out of all the comments to comment and correct english grammar on you chose mine
suavesuave 2
Now keep commenting...*****
NotDave 0
He wouldn't need to "correct everyone on FML" because a lot of people on this site aren't complete dumbasses. I understand if you can't spell some words, but the difference between "your" and "you're" is 3rd grade. Also, when you said you "misspelled it again to see if he'd correct it"? You actually spelled that correctly. Nicely done.
Torva_fml 16
My lord, this person is an IDIOT! I hope he leaves this site/app, it would benefit us all.