Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home, my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the "cute girl" was my three year-old niece. I lost a tooth from the punch. FML
Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny nitwit like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML
Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML
Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML
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Top comments
daner10 5
Who's the stupid bitch now?
RedSnuwolf 4
Your sister is a total badass. :)
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Comments (187)
SApprentice 34
I think I'm in love with your sister.
junkman6 22
Damn I was gonna ask if OPs sister was single. It's great seeing mouthy kids these days get punched in the mouth. OP your girlfriends parents are fail and your sister will be an awesome parent lay down the F-in law.
jablome 6
Calling someone a stupid bitch isn't illegal. Punching one is illegal. Your sister acts like a stupid bitch.
Missusluv313 9
Stfu! No one cares if it's illegal or not. She came into her house and disrespected her. If she had enough balls to say that shit, then she deserves whatever she gets. People need to learn that you can't say what you want to say to somebody. Not everybody is gonna let it slide.
jablome 6
You stupid ******* troglodytes are what is wrong with the world. You're too ******* ignorant to use words to settle disputes, so you resort to the only thing you can comprehend, violence. Pull your head out of your ass and you might learn something.
Missusluv313 9
You are a mad little bitch, aren't you? Lol. You must be one of those little bitches that likes to run their mouth, and think it's ok. I can get my point across either way. You're 100% lucky you aren't talking all this shit in front of me. You'd get your ass kicked! And you can take that, and shove it up your smallest hole, bitch! Don't bother responding, I don't understand bitch speak.
Lichinamo 33
If punching people were illegal, our prisons would be more packed than they already are
st333ph 12
What a great meeting
alwayswinning123 7
I can't imagine what her housholds like
holyshitbatman 20
your girlfriend TOTALLY deserved it!
DJKAYREZZ 4
Her ass deserved it
benmec 18
Who's your sister? Jwoww?
missnuthin 10
you sure you want to date a girl from a family that's THAT messed up? If she thinks insulting people to her face, who knows what she'll do when you and her fight...
therealafroninga 10
See, that's the reason I date in the family ;)
zombiekitten87 12
Sounds like your girlfriend is the stupid bitch in this situation.
lexi365 20
Who goes to someone's house as a guest and insults someone in the household? And in nonrelated news, your sister is amazing.