Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home, my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the "cute girl" was my three year-old niece. I lost a tooth from the punch. FML
Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny nitwit like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML
Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML
Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML
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Top comments
daner10 5
Who's the stupid bitch now?
RedSnuwolf 4
Your sister is a total badass. :)
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Comments (187)
failgamer 7
Your girlfriend is learning well on how to act around your family.
failgamer 7
Ignore this comment, fml had a tantrum on my phone.
sidewaysponytail 0
I'm wondering what your sister did to make your girlfriend so mad!
lmbachman 23
Your sister is AWESOME.
babalooisbabaloo 5
Learn something new everyday huh?
Kiki242 19
You shouldn't let your girlfriend disrespect your family. I would've gave your sister a high five.
juhlman 1
Your sister is awesome I think this is more of an fml for your girlfriend not you
JennaNGood 21
I feel this would be more of an FML if it was your girlfriend writing it, but if there was a haha your girlfriend is an idiot and your sister is a badass option, I would certainly choose that one ;)
Jirekianu2 19
AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA. one sec... Can't breathe... AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Mr_Que_Dijo23 5
JERRY!!! JERRY!!!
Pandacupcakelove 26
So... How's that first meeting between your girlfriend and your family going?