Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home, my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the "cute girl" was my three year-old niece. I lost a tooth from the punch. FML
Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny nitwit like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML
Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML
Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML
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Top comments
daner10 5
Who's the stupid bitch now?
RedSnuwolf 4
Your sister is a total badass. :)
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Comments (187)
brandi_callie 5
Wooow!! Horrible girlfriend!! Show some respect doee..
cmb8280 24
Sounds like your gf needs to learn how to STFU. Kudos to your sister, btw, for not taking her shit. "Not up in here!!!"
Saikon1357 25
The ****? Your sister's obvious over reaction only proves your GF's point. AND DID YOU EVEN ATTEMPT TO STOP YOUR SISTER?!
zander4310 5
Your girlfriends an idiot.
PYLrulz 17
FYL, and SDI
pabst4america 1
I'd karate chop that bitch in the spine
IronfuckinMaiden_fml 1
Your girlfriend definitely deserved it. You talk shit, dont always expect nothing to happen
breanneJ 0
Calling someone in her boyfriends family seems like a stupid bitch move . Thumbs up to your sister !
soccer321 3
your sister is amazingly awesome
loohoozuuhuur 13
your sister rocks, your girlfriend... not