Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home, my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the "cute girl" was my three year-old niece. I lost a tooth from the punch. FML
Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny nitwit like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML
Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML
Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML
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Top comments
daner10 5
Who's the stupid bitch now?
RedSnuwolf 4
Your sister is a total badass. :)
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Comments (187)
scifichic92 8
Your girlfriend totally deserved that. I would NEVER go to my boyfriends house and disrespect his family like that.... I would have punched someone if they said something like that in my house. Hell no would I let that happen. Dump her, she seems like a rude bitch. YDI for dating her.
laksh211 3
Awesome sister is awesome.
monagro 22
She totally deserved it. You totally deserved it for dating such an idiot/bitch.
bigtime_rocker 11
Talk about your right cross! Why does your life suck? She's the one with a dented face...
raychulearwin 2
Maybe your sister was being a stupid bitch.
StanSmith2013 26
You never learn unless you do it the hard way! Sorry about your sister's feelings and girlfriend's face!
SleepOnStones 5
Isn't that more of an FML for your girlfriend, not you?
gudia17 3
Nobody should be referred to as a b****, women you are pushing male dominance when you refer to each-other as b**ches.
LaBooskie 1
I would never let my bf talk shit about my family. That bitch had it coming...Talking shit to her in her own house.
missalice0306 19
What kind of household does your girlfriend live in if saying things like that don't get her whooped?