Today, my girlfriend learned that calling someone a "stupid bitch" under your breath while staring right at them from six feet away works very differently in my house than at hers. She also learned my sister has one hell of a punch. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend's friend told her she had seen me shopping with a cute girl. When I came back home, my girlfriend punched me in the face and asked who the girl was. Apparently her friend didn't tell her the "cute girl" was my three year-old niece. I lost a tooth from the punch. FML
Today, my boyfriend's little sister told me she hates me. I thought she was just a jealous, whiny nitwit like most kids are, until she calmly walked over to the wall and headbutted it hard. She burst into tears, ran out of the room, and told my boyfriend I hit her. He believed her. FML
Today, I was going on a date with my girlfriend. When I took her home, her sister came to the door. I used to date her sister and I didn't know they were related. My girlfriend realized this, then kicked me in the crotch. FML
Today, I found out my girlfriend has been cheating on me. When I told my sister, she just smiled, held up a closed fist, and said "Look at the number of fucks I give!" She then raised a finger, said "Oops. Finger spasm!" then lowered it again. FML
Today, I found out my that my girlfriend's parents hate me, all because they saw me laughing and hanging out with another girl. That other girl was my sister. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my friend called to say my boyfriend was at a diner with another woman. I immediately went and caught them in a deep conversation. I slapped him and yelled "Who's this bitch!?" It turns out she's his half sister. FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML
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Top comments
daner10 5
Who's the stupid bitch now?
RedSnuwolf 4
Your sister is a total badass. :)
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Comments (187)
BeautyOfGrac3 6
And that's how stupid bitches learn XD
poorjudgement 26
FYL for sure, but your gf definitely deserved that.
fanaticdragon 10
YGDI: Your girlfriend deserved it.
kikimonole 13
That's hilarious. Maybe now your girlfriend will learn to wait to call someone names until they can't be heard! It's still mean but she won't get punched because of it. She so deserved it, but sorry about the possible bitching about your sister that's going to happen now.
kimg0885 23
You should have saved it for the Jerry Springer show,at least she could have gotten paid!
jmcr 27
Dont evny you when uou get dragged into the middle of their cat fight
matt98_fml 13
FALCON PAWNCH!!!
lidsthesquid 4
No.
perdix 31
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Be careful, sometimes the small, pretty ones can pack the meanest punches. On the other hand, picking on fat, ugly girls can often end just as badly, but your humiliating defeat will probably not be by boxing, but by wrestling.
berryblizzard 11
Well no shit, what did she expect? A friendly response? I don't think your girlfriend is a keeper.
Longshott 4
It's a Jersey thing
twinkiefeets 17
What! where does it say they are from jersey? No it's not a jersey thing I'm from jersey my family doesn't act like that, my husbands family doesn't act like that. Trash acts like that-- doesn't matter what state you are from.
JessalynVictoria 6
It's not called being trashy... It's called not being a motherfucking doormat. There was probably a more diplomatic way to deal with it... But maybe this wasn't the first time it happened. Maybe she lost it. And really you're telling me that if some one ****** with you enough you might not just do that yourself? Again not saying it was the right or wrong way to deal with it, but not every one who gets in fights is trash.