Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend who trained me at the job we both work at received a promotion, which left a spot for advancement. I was chosen for the position, and now the guy she's been cheating on me with is training me. Congrats. FML
Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered to wash the bathroom while I was at work. I came back home to find her feeling unwell with a bad headache. She had mixed drain cleaner with bleach because she thought it would make the bathroom cleaner. Now my entire house is a mini gas chamber. FML
Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML
Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left town for a month to visit family. Meanwhile, the young woman I hired at my restaurant just got back from vacation with her natural hair color restored. It’s the same color as my girlfriend’s hair, and she made a pass at me. FML
Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML
Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML
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Top comments
mld4657 28
Didnt you get a job description first?
youloveBC 14
Well look at the bright side! You're making some money!
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Comments (72)
gobiteme2 34
No fear dude you're using bleach, that keep the hands clean.
GeorgiaBea 28
Or, ya know... Gloves.
itsthewayitis 10
better than licking them
Dinderdon 20
says you
willsnow18 11
if its bleached why not!!!!
Britt125 16
Yuck, but you made the offer. You should have known it was a possibility that or you needed to pay more attention to what this business was and/or what kind of jobs your girlfriend needed filled. So you deserve it.
StarkWolf_fml 23
what kind of job requires you to do that?
Mathalamus 25
that kind of job. bleaching assholes. probably for the very, very weird people.
smokecloud_ 37
It's not just for "very, very weird people". People who are into butt stuff probably like to keep a clean fudge hole. I'm sure there are other reasons, too, but I wouldn't know what those are. I don't like anything to do with booty holes. x|
GeorgiaBea 28
and **** stars!!! Cant forget them!
more4me 27
The job that OP applied for with his GF, obviously!
jsan727 17
Never volunteer for anything, you'll always get the shitty end of the stick
EmeraldArcher 10
ba dew TSS
zarrganaut 17
A job is better than no job.
nickie_94 18
How desperate were you?
GhostFox 34
Just... Why do people even want bleach there? And did you not ask what the job would entail prior to offering?
PANDORUM89 21
that's what I'm concerned with. I've never had a guy ask me on a date and then go wait... do you bleach your asshole? my bf has never said babe really wish your asshole was bleached. So I get the **** star side of it. **** Stars are to Sex as Photoshop is to models. Make people believe this is what you should do and all that, but I can't believe people actually do this. like my bitchy neighbor could have a bleached bum...
MorbidInsanity 11
Struggling to see why this is FML worthy. Sure there well be some moments, but generally that's a business that caters to the beautiful. Roll with it, bro!
tounces7 28
I don't get it. You get to see a bunch of women's naked asses and you're complaining?