Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend who trained me at the job we both work at received a promotion, which left a spot for advancement. I was chosen for the position, and now the guy she's been cheating on me with is training me. Congrats. FML
Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered to wash the bathroom while I was at work. I came back home to find her feeling unwell with a bad headache. She had mixed drain cleaner with bleach because she thought it would make the bathroom cleaner. Now my entire house is a mini gas chamber. FML
Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML
Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left town for a month to visit family. Meanwhile, the young woman I hired at my restaurant just got back from vacation with her natural hair color restored. It’s the same color as my girlfriend’s hair, and she made a pass at me. FML
Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML
Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML
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Top comments
mld4657 28
Didnt you get a job description first?
youloveBC 14
Well look at the bright side! You're making some money!
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Comments (72)
dutchy86 20
did you "join the dark side"?
GreyJedi 10
I guess it would be the light side with the bleach and all.
FuKcMee 32
hey atleast she hired you!
Sangue0608 26
What kind of business is this again?
kradaz1399 10
That's a crappy job
NostalgiaFreak9 43
No. Just no.
gracehi 33
*Busts through wall* OH YEAH!
zainman13 26
Pun intended?
Roaster94 5
Made me laugh. Anyways I remember as a kid in highschool guys joking about wanting to be a gynecologist.. So this in a sense is even better considering the women isn't being checked for issues. Granted most men don't have those kind of perverted needs anymore. On a side note I'm surprised his gf wants him doing that to other girls
Tyrez 32
It's not like you didn't ask for it, I mean she is you're girlfriend so you should have known what you were getting into. I hope for your sake your customers know how to wipe well.
rgetting 24
No, just, no.
gatorgirl1023 9
your girlfriend sounds amazing...not
neuronerd 29
Wouldn't that job be performed by an aesthetician or cosmetologist or something? I've neither done it or had it done, but it seems like something that could go very wrong if you weren't properly trained and licenced.
NikelIsHere 9
Maybe a dermatologist or aesthetician since they get more into the works of the skin. I'm a cosmetologist and we don't go above knees (for pedicures), above elbows (for manicures), or below the neck (everything else we do [although we can work in places that wax intimate areas, but no bleaching]).
becca1998 22
Your girlfriend is a bit of an asshole for not telling you what you will be doing haha
diabetic08 11
What was the job