Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend who trained me at the job we both work at received a promotion, which left a spot for advancement. I was chosen for the position, and now the guy she's been cheating on me with is training me. Congrats. FML
Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered to wash the bathroom while I was at work. I came back home to find her feeling unwell with a bad headache. She had mixed drain cleaner with bleach because she thought it would make the bathroom cleaner. Now my entire house is a mini gas chamber. FML
Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML
Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left town for a month to visit family. Meanwhile, the young woman I hired at my restaurant just got back from vacation with her natural hair color restored. It’s the same color as my girlfriend’s hair, and she made a pass at me. FML
Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML
Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML
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Top comments
mld4657 28
Didnt you get a job description first?
youloveBC 14
Well look at the bright side! You're making some money!
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Comments (72)
LenUrban 14
Their are so many questions I have from this
ETA211 6
...you may want to reconsider your career choice. Seriously what kind of business is your girlfriend running?
NostalgiaFreak9 43
Wouldn't it be her responsibility to give you a job description before giving you the job?
captainsmegma 12
What a great job. I wanna bleach some assholes.
Juanderful 9
money is money
iamsofuckedupla 19
Sounds like there was a hole in your plan...
CosmicGenius 10
Sounds like you got yourself a shitty job. Lol.
moocowmilk0 19
what was the inspiration for an asshole bleaching company
scottyrocks123 21
A job is a job. It might suck but it's paying
filthyPierre 4
Am I the only one to ask WTF? Having your arsehole beached is a thing now? I can't imagine how dousing your bumhole in chlorine would feel, but I bet it's not pleasant. Imagine going to the pub afterwards in your buttless chaps: Your friend: "Hey man, I see you got your bumhole bleached, looks great!" You: "Yeah, definitely worth it, makes me feel a whole lot better about myself now." Your friend: "Think I might get it done too!"
Colon_Man 17
Why only the pub? If you're going to get it done, may as well show it off at the grocery store, too. The pharmacy. Maybe at church.