Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend who trained me at the job we both work at received a promotion, which left a spot for advancement. I was chosen for the position, and now the guy she's been cheating on me with is training me. Congrats. FML
Today, was the first day of my new job. My boss admitted that they hadn't cleaned the employee bathroom for over two months. My first task: clean the employee bathroom. FML
Today, I finally started my dream job. I turned up for work with a huge smile on my face. Imagine how much my face dropped when I saw that I had to share an office with the girl I stood up last weekend. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Today, my girlfriend offered to wash the bathroom while I was at work. I came back home to find her feeling unwell with a bad headache. She had mixed drain cleaner with bleach because she thought it would make the bathroom cleaner. Now my entire house is a mini gas chamber. FML
Today, my very sheltered girlfriend decided to surprise me by cleaning our apartment. Although she grew up with housekeepers and maids, I thought it was common knowledge that you don’t try cleaning the bathroom with both bleach and ammonia. We still can’t go back inside our place. FML
Today, my boss fired me because his girlfriend wanted the job I had. She has no experience whatsoever in my line of work, it was just his "anniversary present" for her. FML
Today, my girlfriend left town for a month to visit family. Meanwhile, the young woman I hired at my restaurant just got back from vacation with her natural hair color restored. It’s the same color as my girlfriend’s hair, and she made a pass at me. FML
Today, I started my job as a consultant at a shop that sells wedding dresses. My first client? The girl my ex-fiancé cheated on me with and left me for. FML
Today, my workplace was issued aprons. I then became the first and only employee in the history of the business to set an apron on fire while using the grill. FML
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Top comments
mld4657 28
Didnt you get a job description first?
youloveBC 14
Well look at the bright side! You're making some money!
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Comments (72)
Chase31 10
What job is this ??
dslrjunky 1
it's a shitty job but look at the bright side, whatever shit she'll put you through it won't be as crappy..
sk8erd 15
man that sucks... but I guess a job is a job.
u2scsi 3
Make the best of it. You could always bleach their head and claim you couldn't figure out which was more of an asshole.
teacupofsunshine 29
On the bright side your gf clearly feels comfortable in your relationship to let you bleach random bottoms. Don't complain she gave you an option or go look for more work :) good luck!
awildwhisper 30
Were you not aware of what her new business was before you made your offer? I honestly don't see the appeal of that cosmetic practice, but good luck to you!
MrGodface 21
some one has a very cumbersome anus... I mean onus
bunnyfish 27
Congrats on the new job. Hope the tips are good.
tin_cup 27
As a perk, do you get yours bleached for free?
jerbear91 18
how did your sister start a business and you not know what it was going to be..
rieebee 23
Girlfriend, not sister, unless he's from one of those places where being both is considered fine..