Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took a dump at work. When I went to flush the toilet, it clogged and began to overflow. I left the bathroom as it was and as I walked out, my boss came in. FML
Today, my boss used the restroom at work. She returned and told me I needed to go clean the toilet because "someone left a mess in there." It was her mess. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I took my boyfriend to meet my parents. As he was loading his truck, I went inside to take a surreptitious shit. I ended up clogging the toilet, and so the first thing my mom said to my boyfriend was, "You'll have to find another bathroom; she just clogged it all up." FML
Today, at work I had to spend two hours cleaning up stinky toilet water. Why? Because yesterday, I forgot to turn on the septic tank pumps. The tank overflowed, and so did all the toilets. My boss is not happy. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML
Today, my boss recognized my shoes under the stall wall and had a conversation with me while we were both taking a dump. I had severe diarrhea. FML
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Top comments
Renesaga 8
Shitty situation? Wait, no, that joke sucks. But look at it this way: At least you're a gentleman! And a jackass..
Miss_Lisaa 16
Man, you're a gentleman ! So cute to do that. :)
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Comments (168)
Renesaga 8
Shitty situation? Wait, no, that joke sucks. But look at it this way: At least you're a gentleman! And a jackass..
kaprookie 3
You're a good guy OP, you did the right thing. Respect.
Hockey_fan 0
Instead of saying that joke sucks, you should've said "that joke stinks"....yay...puns
VorpikeII 17
This FML is full of bullshit. OP shouldn't have taken the blame. They should of just left. =P but actually, when you gotta go, you gotta go.
nunsrtight69 0
I agree. this is bullshit. girls dont poop
nunsrtight69 0
I agree. this is bullshit. girls dont poop
tehrealone 6
Your not a jackass you won't live up to that title ever sense Johnny Knoxville
LiyIa_fml 8
Aww I think that is sweet. Whatta champ.
Gtfo_Troll 0
Pretty romantic actually.
Jovecove 13
Oh god, I'm reading this fml while eating.
Gtfo_Troll 0
88: Cool story bro.
Renesaga 8
Fair point, 26. I should've considered that.
stacianichole 2
93 - you can't just 'cool story, bro' anything and everything, ok? there's a time and place.
c00lguy89 1
WHY would u say it was u? Id be like no way, I'm telling him it was u. At least u didn't have to plug it.
TheClumsiest 0
i thought it said, i took the shit for her.
blushy 14
that was really sweet of you
onedayinamsterda 14
the bright side? Ur gf owes u big time and we all know gf > boss !
pistolpete01 9
But Boss=job=$$ lol, But gf will always be > boss lol, just throwing it out there=p
DrDilllonReese 12
MOB=Money over bitches
kaprookie 3
Hmmm Boss = Job Job = money Money = girlfriend girlfriend > Boss Conundrum?
slim_lady 12
well, actually what you're saying is Boss = girlfriend if thats the case, he's ******.
Gtfo_Troll 0
"Be at peace with your wife and you'll get a piece at night."
kaprookie 3
63 - No thats the conundrum, boss = job, job = money, money = girlfriend BUT girlfriend > boss. Do you see it now?
kaprookie 3
This is what I meant to say, stupid editing time restrictions: 63 - No thats the conundrum, boss = job, job = money, money = girlfriend BUT girlfriend > boss. Girlfriend will always be greater than boss but job and money all equal the same and when you have those two they equal girlfriend but girlfriend is greater then boss making those other two mute but you need money and a job to have a girlfriend even though girlfriend comes before boss all the time, confused? I am.
raaawwwrrZ 8
Disregard women aquire currency
False_Stupidity 42
BOM - Bitch Over Money
stun23 8
Ouch what a crappy situation.
danishbagel 3
Ouch, what an overused joke.
Mr_Alarm 12
"'shitty/crappy situation' is an overused joke" is an overused statement. Jeez, get with the times.
brendonuriepatd 8
That was a shitty joke no pun intended
brendonuriepatd 8
That was a shitty joke no pun intended
juliushater 12
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all the evidence that you tried.
louiseth 9
Hahah, nawwh, cute.
DKjazz 20
The things you do for love...
Miss_Lisaa 16
Man, you're a gentleman ! So cute to do that. :)
yankfan89 27
Seriously you did a good thing OP and hopefully your girlfriend realizes how good of a guy you are
zukinihudini 0
I dont know about you but i dont find things like taking a huge dump and clogging the toilet cute
Miss_Michaela 10
That's the most romantic thing I've heard in a while..
Hockey_fan 0
....well......that can't be good
Miss_Michaela 10
I have also realised how dire my original comment sounded.
kaprookie 3
Dont worry 7 we all know you meant it with the best intentions, OPs a stand up guy.
Blueglasscup 18
Hey even if you had clogged the toilet up it's not like you would have done it on purpose!
tolamck 0
THAT'S LOVE!!!
ChaeRi 3
Aw, at least we can confirm three things now. 1) Karma will flow your way, 2) You're a gentleman and 3) Moral of the story? Never take a dump in your boss's house.
coolstorybro6969 6
4. Someones getting his dick sucked
kkmwong 11
Well said lol
flockz 20
karma won't flow his way, it's kinda clogged.
r0ckPrinc3sS 0
#10.. Moral of the story? Never LET HIS GF take a dump in his boss's house.