Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my two year-old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two-hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
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Top comments
endziet 0
i hate how everyone expects every fml to be drastically life changing. sometiems its fun to just read these little, less serious fml's. i swear you guys wont be happy till someone puts "Today, my son blew his face off with a shotgun" and even then youll say YDI for ******* your kid up in the first place. >.>
PixilatedxMe 0
I can't deal with puke. If it were me it would have gone like this: Daughter: *Puke* Me: *Pukes, now has two puddles to clean* Daughter: *Pukes on head* (Up to three puddles!) Me: *Pukes on daughter* (Four puddles...) Daughter: *Pukes on head again* (Five puddles...) Me: *Pukes again, goes to clean up puke, and then pukes more*(Probably suicide next...)
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Comments (95)
busdrivertohell 0
Hardcore parenting.
Invioletlight 0
YDI. Nobody but yourself to blame for spreading your legs in the first place, dear.
Natacha_fml 0
You are awfull, #75!
rawrtroy1 0
#75 yuhr a jackass i hate dhese rude ass commentsz .
poeticvibez07 0
I wouldve body slammed her
tchaikovsky93 0
This made me laugh :D Hahahahaha
2010smhill2010 0
op could have sat her on the couch with a bucket and told her to vomit in the bucket.
hateevryone 15
ewww you shouldn't have been up under her while she was sick
1two3four5six 23
next time, if ur already cleaning up vomit then tell the tiny bitch to go the bathroom!! god, if this happened to me i would ******* throw her out a window, ik that sounds mean but i absolutely hate vomit and i wouldn't ever clean up somebody's.
T1A2Z3 35
Please don't have kids. Babies puke all the time. You will be 6 ft deep in vomit if you don't clean it. Babies can't clean.
zumazuma 0
your right
YeahCourse 4
Haha at least u have a story :)
SkoomaKi 28
Fair enough if your daughter is young, but if she isn't, make her pay.