Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my two year-old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two-hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
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Top comments
endziet 0
i hate how everyone expects every fml to be drastically life changing. sometiems its fun to just read these little, less serious fml's. i swear you guys wont be happy till someone puts "Today, my son blew his face off with a shotgun" and even then youll say YDI for ******* your kid up in the first place. >.>
PixilatedxMe 0
I can't deal with puke. If it were me it would have gone like this: Daughter: *Puke* Me: *Pukes, now has two puddles to clean* Daughter: *Pukes on head* (Up to three puddles!) Me: *Pukes on daughter* (Four puddles...) Daughter: *Pukes on head again* (Five puddles...) Me: *Pukes again, goes to clean up puke, and then pukes more*(Probably suicide next...)
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Comments (95)
kukopia 0
I dunno how to vote on this one... The first time it's a FML. The second time... it's a YDI.
FlaminYawn 0
Fake. Twice on your head? Really? Who here wouldn't immediately move out of the way the FIRST time someone threw up on your head? No one reacts that slowly...
Intellectualist 0
Oh shush, maybe she's part tortoise.
andyroxs 2
nobody told you she got chucked on twice, once immediately after the other... could have been hurled on, went to wash it off, went back and got hurled on again.
PandaPandaPandaX 0
Haha really? That's just an insult to tortoises...
Intellectualist 0
tortoises are slow, maybe her father was a tortoise? Or her mother, let's not be sexist here.
PixilatedxMe 0
I can't deal with puke. If it were me it would have gone like this: Daughter: *Puke* Me: *Pukes, now has two puddles to clean* Daughter: *Pukes on head* (Up to three puddles!) Me: *Pukes on daughter* (Four puddles...) Daughter: *Pukes on head again* (Five puddles...) Me: *Pukes again, goes to clean up puke, and then pukes more*(Probably suicide next...)
alexdz 0
ME TOO lol
TheTruth1428 0
YDI, try not being a moron and standing under the mouth of a kid who is throwing up, it's not a hard concept. I agree with #24, this has to be a fake. Then again, there are quite a few stupid people in this world, OP just might be one of them.
Timmeeh 17
Is your daughter actually Mr Creosote from Monty Python?
noshitsherlock 0
What kind of idiot is your kid?! SERIOUSLY, the dumbass couldn't barf NEXT to you??
xFaust_fml 12
First you give her a bucket, then you clean up.
x0xcarolinex0x 4
Step Number 1: Bring the kid to the bathroom, and have them throw up in the toilet Step Number 2: When they're feeling better, give them a bucket (just in case) Step Number 3: clean it up if a kid is sick, and is throwing up, chances are, they won't stop after throwing up once
allmidnighteyes 11
This sounds like the setup to a porno
NuclearKitty333_fml 0
D: ohgawd.jpg
satanstoystore 0
ydi. ho ho why? you always always wait until your kid is definitely finished. fix them first, not the mess. makes em feel loved.