Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Today, my two year-old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two-hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML
Today, a mother and son were in my office. The kid wasn't feeling well and threw up. Mom covered his mouth with her hand, creating a vomit nozzle and covering me in puke. She yelled that I deserved to be sprayed on because I was not quick enough in getting a bucket for her son. FML
Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML
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Top comments
endziet 0
i hate how everyone expects every fml to be drastically life changing. sometiems its fun to just read these little, less serious fml's. i swear you guys wont be happy till someone puts "Today, my son blew his face off with a shotgun" and even then youll say YDI for ******* your kid up in the first place. >.>
PixilatedxMe 0
I can't deal with puke. If it were me it would have gone like this: Daughter: *Puke* Me: *Pukes, now has two puddles to clean* Daughter: *Pukes on head* (Up to three puddles!) Me: *Pukes on daughter* (Four puddles...) Daughter: *Pukes on head again* (Five puddles...) Me: *Pukes again, goes to clean up puke, and then pukes more*(Probably suicide next...)
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Comments (95)
Armin_fml 0
well.. she tried to keep you from cleaning up more? :D
GreenHacker 0
YDI for cleaning up after her. Make her do it herself, or she'll never learn to hold it in.
z620 0
lightning definitely does strike twice and greenhacker what is wrong with u it sounds like his daughter is young and dosent know better and when u gotta puke ur gonna puke
multiplecoloredc 0
at least wait until she's done xD
reset_button 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
That's part of being a parent - suck it up and do your job. YDI for complaining.
tyhillman 0
I think that when you have vomit in your hair, you might think otherwise.
shamille 5
yeah and my mom would've made me clean it up myself
ChronicFAIL 0
How did she manage to throw up twice on your head..? Shouldn't you have moved after the first time? YDI mom.
rawrtroy1 0
why wuld yuh want some throw-up on dhe top of yuhr head? wuht if i was yuh child and threw uhp on yuh wdf wuld yuh say?
loveanthony645 5
61, that isn't hard to do. She probably did move, possibly even to clean the throw up out of her hair, then while still cleaning the daughter was probably watching her and had a second burst.
rcbarnes 24
Seriously. Not every parent get puke in their hair multiple times. This sucks.
Zhejan 0
Look at the bright side, now you have something to snack on
ruben7467 0
i agree with #2, he should have worn a condom! YDI for having kids.
cantfixme36 28
"oh your car broke down? Well it's your fault for owning a car!" "Your house caught fire? Guess you shouldn't have bought a car!" "You have appendicitis? Should have gotten your appendix removed before!" ^exactly your logic applied to situations you can hopefully comprehend.
Ohnothingreally 0
I'm sorry, but you're a parent. It's your job. And it's not your daughter's fault.
plexico 4
YDI for letting your 28-year-old crack ***** daughter live at home.
Intellectualist 0
I lol'd, pretty hard.
plexico 4
Thanks, Laura, I thought I was going to be pilloried for assuming facts not in evidence, but you've got that spirit of fun I was addressing. :)
Intellectualist 0
Really?! That happens here on FML? People on here who have had sense of humour bypasses? Well I never!
Intoxicunt 6
"Sense of humor bypasses". XD
Intellectualist 0
Why do you find this amusing? That is not amusing, everything on the interwebs are real, and not to be made a joke of, take it all seriously, or there will be doom, trolls and you will be killed with fire apparently. Serious Latch is serious.
Intoxicunt 6
I can kill serious latch? Ok! *Starts chainsaw*
Intellectualist 0
Nuuuu )': Don't kill me!!
leofan15 0
LMAO i love you plexico :)
endziet 0
i hate how everyone expects every fml to be drastically life changing. sometiems its fun to just read these little, less serious fml's. i swear you guys wont be happy till someone puts "Today, my son blew his face off with a shotgun" and even then youll say YDI for ******* your kid up in the first place. >.>
quarty165 0
so true!
Intellectualist 0
so GAY.
andyroxs 2
as ****** as it is, i laughed harder at your comment than at anything else ive seen on this site today.
your_face 15
...She doesn't know where the toilet is? Maybe you should teach her to run to the bathroom or the nearest trashcan as soon as she feels like she's going to throw up. It's not a very hard concept, I should think...
PandaPandaPandaX 0
I'm guessing you haven't vomited recently.
your_face 15
Not since last year... but I did hover around the bathroom until I felt better, because I know better than to just sit and puke on whatever happens to be in front of me. I mean really, why would you stay put long enough to puke three times in the same spot? Unless, of course, you're too young to get to the bathroom - eg, you haven't learned to walk... but then how would you be above your mother, at an angle and in a position to throw up on her?
ZeeroKamarrii 18
In all seriousness, some kids don't actually know when they're going to puke.
Kickass89 0
Hmmmm.... You zigged when you should've zagged..... oli-oli-olio!
catatonicsleep 17
You should have given her something to throw up in before you tried to clean it up..