Today, my two year-old puked in the backseat of the car. When we stopped to clean her up, she scooped up the vomit by the handful and threw it at my head. I had an almost two-hour drive before I could wash the smell off myself. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I discovered that when one of my toddlers throws up, the other sympathy-pukes too, and that this continues until they're both empty. I guess my car is going to stink of vomit for a while. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I got my car cleaned. As I drove home, the passenger of the van in front of me vomited out the window. The vomit sailed back and splattered all over the front of my car. A waste of £10 and a mental image that will never go away. FML
Today, my mom picked me up from school due to me being sick. Afterwards, she took a detour to the DMV, and I waited in the car. I ended up vomiting everywhere, clothes included, and had to sit in the car for three hours while the taste and smells lingered. FML
Today, some woman, sick with god knows what, didn’t vomit into the bin next to my car, or even just onto the floor, she lurched over to my car and vomited through my open window onto my shirt and legs, and down into the footwell. I can still smell it. FML
Today, I had to go pick up my kid, because he threw up while playing at his friend's house. The boy's mother bitched me out for not keeping my son at home while he was "ill". Her breath was unspeakably foul. So foul that it caused me to throw up too. FML
Today, the two and a half hours it took our poorly air conditioned taxi to go 20 miles in stop-and-go traffic was highlighted by our son projectile vomiting all over my wife, a suitcase, and the car. It ended with me having to pay both for the ride, as well as for cleaning the inside of the taxi. FML
Today, my 3 year-old son projectile vomited on me. I was covered head to toe in blue Gatorade vomit. FML
Today, after changing and dressing my 6-month-old into his super cute brand new outfit, I saw the telltale sign of him about to vomit. Without thinking, I cup my hand under his mouth and catch it all. I had to sit there with a hand full of puke and nowhere to dump it. FML
Today, my 7-month-old spit up on the floor. My 3-year-old puts their hands in it, sniffed, and puked. Then sticks their hands in their own puke, sniffed, and puked again. FML
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Top comments
gorilladuck 6
why didnt you stop at a gas station, or restaurant?
EpicGuy70 13
She is just expressing her love! *silently gags in the background*
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Comments (83)
dimerneckel 22
Hope she didn't eat anything red!
gorilladuck 6
why didnt you stop at a gas station, or restaurant?
dawnimus 21
Gas station toilets can be pretty grim places. I'm not sure I'd want to unstrap a vomit-covered toddler, take her into a gross bathroom, and try and clean off with nothing but water, because those places hardly ever have soap. Also she might not have wanted to go into a restaurant, being covered in vomit and all.
Dthsapprntc 23
That's why you look for a truck stop, one of the big chain ones. Those are usually pretty clean, and they carry all the supplies you need to wash both yourself and your car, as well as medicine for your child. And should you really feel the need they have showers as well.
cjwayy 22
#30 there may not have been one around.
Dthsapprntc 23
#36, doesn't mean you can't look. ~_^
Saintdyn 9
#12 I would rather go into a resuraunt bathroom looking and smelling like so, than sit smelling like vomit for 2 hours.
illegalbeagle69 23
Didn't have paper towel or anything?
nix1993 41
Yeah cuz paper towels are renowned for magically getting rid of the smell of puke.
badluckalex 23
not many people do. I always keep a towel or 2 and some other things you might need just in case.
sanjana_378 7
okay now dat sucks!!
ryanthecheeseguy 18
If you comment the least you could do is properly spell, "that".
gorilladuck 6
there was nothing with your comment. people are just dicks
laden_swallow09 35
Hmm, let's see, here… No punctuation, save for the very end, incorrect spelling, and the very nature of the comment unnecessary. Some people are just dicks, sure. You, however, are just stupid.
gorilladuck 6
I'm sorry, is her comment some kind of official document meant to be scrutinized word for word, or is this a damn fluff site for ***** and giggles? "stupid". hmmm. I will take that over being an over analytical, pretentious dipshit any day.
groovycrazyjoe 18
yes, there was wrong with it ,we already know it sucks
gorilladuck 6
Dude, if you're going to make fun of someone's comment, you should definitely proofread your own, and make sure you're not missing an entire word! smooth!!
asnakelovinbabe 16
Perhaps, 55, you should go back and read your first comment in this thread before you say things like that :/
EpicGuy70 13
She is just expressing her love! *silently gags in the background*
ohcheriecherie 20
this is why I don't like babies.
marcranger 29
21, that's the only reason? I can think of several, although a disgust of bodily excretions is pretty high up there! Sorry, OP, but I've been made to understand that this sort of thing is pretty much par for the course until kids lose their shamelessness. Hang in there, though!
dingostacy 14
#6 and to anyone who keeps using that line and anything similar to it. Can you just stop? That line/joke has been tried over and over again with the same results. Failure. Thanks Sincerely, the rest of us
stupidface15 16
sounds like you were in a sticky situation
ryanthecheeseguy 18
It appears by your number of visits that you haven't been here very long. Let me shed some light. The FML community finds the term, "sticky situation", overused and annoying.
stupidface15 16
sounds like im in a sticky situation
singer0421 32
Not all puke is sticky. In my experience it tends to be more like slimy chunks (Sorry for that visual).
marcranger 29
Now I'm in the same sticky situation as 13 after having blown chunks all over myself. Thanks, 17!
dingostacy 14
Dear #6 or anyone who uses "sticky situation" in the comments, Just stop. Please. And never use it again. Let it rest in peace. Sincerely, The rest of us
markcallanan_ 20
Why didn't you just stop on the side of the road?
jordynsage 17
Oh the fun of having kids, you're never going to forget that moment. Hopefully you were able to wash off somewhere OP!
ronberg 15
I would get so car sick if that happend to me. Hope it wasnt too bad for you OP! FYL
yeahthatsmeee 10
I'm sorry OP that blows