Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML
Today, my dad insisted on taking us to a local buffet that is known for bad food and botulism. He kept piling things onto a plate for me, despite my objections. A waitress commented on how much was on my plate. I told her I wasn't hungry, and it was my dad's doing. Her response, "Your skinny self needs to eat." FML
Today, I had an argument with my dad about how Alpo dog food is trash and is why his dog keeps having terrible farts and diarrhea. My dad refuses to believe me, so now I'm always scrubbing vile, smelly, mucous-laden dog diarrhea out of the carpet. I'm a pet nutritionist. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
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Top comments
Midrash 5
I am surprise a guy like that was able to get laid
RedPillSucks 33
I feel the same way about girl scout cookies.
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Comments (134)
ASHLEYJANE4110 3
My bestfriend is allergic to peanuts but she can eat creamy peanut butter its crossed peanuts not real ones the one with peanuts have real peanuts in it
jgivens1 0
That's not entirely true my ex could eat jiff and she was allergic
Jamesmc430 6
Now that's the best thing I've ever heard in this site
XxTooCoolxX 0
Sweet Jesus what have we come to?!
alexooo_fml 0
#124, you redefined the word stupid...
danielleflahert 0
That's really funny
SesshomarusFilly 4
i'm mildly allergic to peanuts myself. i can eat (in non-huge amounts) creamy peanut butter with no real big issues, but crunchy peanut butter will set me into an allergic reaction. it has something to do with how processed it is, not just the fact that its peanut butter and a product of peanuts. so yes, his argument makes perfect sense.
ellytoad 13
It sounds like he should have specified that it was only unprocessed peanuts that affect him.
v0ll3yball 4
it makes perfect sense. I'm allergic to peanuts so I can't have chunky peanut butter. I can have creamy tho because its processed into it.
hannaaaahr 33
no it actually does make sense, for some reason people who are allergic to nuts can eat smooth peanut butter, I guess its artificial or something. any way, it surprised me the first time I heard it too!