Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML
Today, I forgot my boyfriend was allergic to nuts and ate Nutella toast before he arrived. He had just brought me flowers for doing well in an exam and I kissed him. He had a reaction and I had to stab him in the leg. FML
Today, I gave my boyfriend a box of chocolates as a present. A few hours later, he texted me saying that the box of chocolates contained nuts. He's allergic to nuts and his mother now thinks I'm trying to kill him. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
Today, I grabbed a box of my favorite granola bars, the only flavor the brand makes without nuts, which I'm severely allergic to. A visit to the ER after my throat closed up told me that I'd missed the notice on the shelf, warning that they're now making them with peanuts. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Today, I had to go to the ER because of a terrible allergic reaction I had to the cookies my "friend" made for me. She assured me several times that there were no nuts in them. Turns out, she put nuts in them on purpose, to see whether or not I was really allergic. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, it was my 17th birthday. I didn't want my family to spend money on a cake, so my dad made this delicious apple ring. At least, it was great until my mouth began to itch and my throat closed. I have been allergic to nuts since birth, and my dad put walnuts in my birthday cake. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
CallMeWindSock 24
Well, you know you do.
fml1365 30
He must be nuts!
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (132)
CallMeWindSock 24
Well, you know you do.
Damian95 16
OP your dad is nuts.
CallMeWindSock 24
Why did you reply to me?
corocoro 30
To be at the top of the comment chain. For some people that matters more than having a reply that is actually replying to something.
matthewesparza12 13
OP put up pictures of expensive things he can't afford around the house saying "you know you want this!"
CallMeWindSock 24
Just like the guy under you. They're everywhere!
DaLiquer 20
That's pretty pathetic imo.
emilie_gambii 9
I agree, nut allergy or not, you can't resist Nutella
soccerstar1996 18
#1 if you're so butthurt about people trying to comment under you, don't try to comment first then. And isn't it kinda ironic how you're bitching about pointless shit when your bio has a KIK username in it? You're asking for just as much attention as the people you're calling out asshole
Krystal3408 32
His dads an asshole
Doritozilla 20
I think her dad is Satan. Who else would do such evil deeds?! D':
BlueFlatts 20
First off, it's a he. Secondly, it's a joke. And finally, Nutella is overrated.
mattrd_fml 31
Agreed. I don't really like Nutella. I don't see what all the hype is.
jjessen 20
I'm going to speak for the general public here when I say Nutella is one of the most amazing things ever invented, and that you have no right to say otherwise. Also OP, you know the only way to solve this is to fight fire with fire :D
nurchok 15
Agree with #120. Perhaps get some **** and write the same message. Or better, invite a stripper home, have her strip in front of him, then, as he sees her walk into your room, make sure he sees the same message written on her back :)
Welshite 40
As someone with food allergies, you learn to NOT want a certain food. Besides, you surely must have been suffering the effects of your allergy for a long time before your diagnosis. You would have been avoiding the nuts already.
nyrangersfan9 13
That's not necessarily true. Not everyone is born with the allergy. I used to eat nuts often and enjoyed them. One day, while driving into the city, I was eating nuts and felt my tongue swell a bit and realized I was allergic to nuts. But as I said before, I used to like nuts a lot before I found I was allergic to them.
hcollins1 18
Not everyone is born with allergies. They can just happen to appear if they haven't had a problem with it before.
DividableByZero 11
I've also had allergies since I was born. But they change, there are some things that I was allergic to but now am not. And vice versa.
Welshite 40
You don't just waltz into the allergist's office and immediately decide you are allergic to something. If you go, you obviously realize something is affecting you. That is what I am saying
FimogenFeels 14
I have nut allergies too and I've had them for as long as I can remember, but I don't think everyone is the same way. I'll never know how delicious Nutella is :(
cna1216 15
I never liked the taste of nuts, and I accidently ate one and was rushed to the ER. Your body can deny you liking something for your own protection, almost like a sixth sense.
SwaggCapone 11
I have to disagree with #2. I'm allergic to cheese and I crave it every day
KK3137 31
I would just like to agree to the first part of this comment, because at the age of around 12-13 I was diagnosed with severe cat allergies (I had never had problems with cats before) and over the last few years I have developed a kind of wariness of cats, which has lead to an unvoluntary dislike of them. I still like them deep down, but whenever I see the one the warning part of my brain kicks in and I know that I absolutely do not want to be near it.
fml1365 30
He must be nuts!
ohcheriecherie 20
sometimes I think this whole website is just a contest to see who can make the worst pun.
olpally 33
I thought it was good^ relax. Lol. Don't be such a Debbie downer. It did get up votes.
iAlissa 34
I agree with #29. I thought it was humorous.
SolarFlare 20
#23 What's wrong about that? The comments are often funny!
ohcheriecherie 20
29- I liked the pun! bad puns are the best kind
jadevv 12
Nice pun there #3
ughnotthatgirl 9
/cri this website is just people making puns
DividableByZero 11
So good it's worth a trip to the hospital.
cna1216 15
Doubt that.
skittycat213 19
#50 you, good sir, have clearly never experienced the lustrous joys Nutella.
Cupcake040 17
I love guinea pigs but if i had to choose between not petting one and petting one ( ending with me being hospitalized for several hours for an asthma attack) i would probably choose not petting one. You good sir have never had the luxurious experience of turning into a human having a great struggle to breathe.
gracehi 33
You, my dear lady, are clearly very bad at recognizing jokes.
Big_Pickle 18
Sailed right over your head, 50
nyrangersfan9 13
Wow. What a dick. Remind him that he could become allergic to it at any time as well (or according to my allergy doctor at least) from eating it often.
CallMeWindSock 24
According to that logic, half of the Internet should be deathly allergic to Nutella by now...
ApollosMyth 22
And bacon.
RoboCunnilingus 23
^ worth the risk, is bacon.
Treveyon56 14
I don't care if I become allergic to bacon. Nothing is going to stop me from enjoying bacon wrapped grilled shrimp.
SMHsohard 22
@36: Your throat swelling shut and the respiratory and circulatory collapse of anaphylaxis just might. Also, eating a lot of a food doesn't predispose you to an allergy. Most people discover an allergy simply by being exposed to something once too often, whether it's the second or thousandth time.
Felling 14
I'm going to start with saying this guy is honestly right. I'm 18 and just 2 years ago I was diagnosed with lactose intolerance and I had been tested before for allergies when I was only 8 and was completely clean. I somehow developed it I guess.
NatalieOntheTram 11
If you haven't already discovered it--Lactaid pills. It's my personal Jesus.
meaui 5
I hate it wen people with allergies are on their high horse about it. Really, calm your ****. (Not directed at OP, obviously. I think its really shitty you cant eat nutella anymore)
HeartOfLead 24
That's nut cool. He should be more sympathetic.
Ziggyboo 10
Not even close to being funny. Good try, though.
Narcoterrorist 6
#35 your comment wasn't exactly hilarious either you pathetic waste of oxygen.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
My ex girlfriend had a severe nut allergy as well.. And that's exactly why she's my ex girlfriend now.
iAlissa 34
#59 that's a tad extreme..
BntyHntrSeattle 30
71- that's a tad shallow.
kamikrazy 6
Can't tell is 71 was making a sexual reference or he is actually serious.
CallMeMcFeelii 14
It was most definitely a sexual reference.. I tried making a joke. Haha, oh well.
kjones99 11
That's horrible, OP. Hopefully he will remove them and realize that his joke was cruel, and not funny.
Dallasluver19 14
Epic dad.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
More like e-pec-an dad. Damn... Nutella is hazelnut.
Hockeyboy4280 18
... What?
kitkat2701 18
That's so mean! Sorry OP! Look at the bright side, you can't get fat from Nutella!
GSpotMach 8
Not like it would matter, since he can't eat it anyway....
asb818 14
51 you missed the point...Nutella WILL make you fat if you eat a lot of it. Therefore, not being able to eat it the OP is safe from becoming fat from it.
olpally 33
What a troll. Just throw them out. What a waste of money and he's a dick.