Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML
Today, my dad insisted on taking us to a local buffet that is known for bad food and botulism. He kept piling things onto a plate for me, despite my objections. A waitress commented on how much was on my plate. I told her I wasn't hungry, and it was my dad's doing. Her response, "Your skinny self needs to eat." FML
Today, I had an argument with my dad about how Alpo dog food is trash and is why his dog keeps having terrible farts and diarrhea. My dad refuses to believe me, so now I'm always scrubbing vile, smelly, mucous-laden dog diarrhea out of the carpet. I'm a pet nutritionist. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
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Top comments
Midrash 5
I am surprise a guy like that was able to get laid
RedPillSucks 33
I feel the same way about girl scout cookies.
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Comments (134)
garviel 0
That awkward moment when you realise your father is a retard.
FlyingLazerWALRU 0
SpreadEagle
GamerMaster2041 12
damn
cwells0430 12
You should make him eat both to see what happens
AP_Wumbology 0
Your dad is a nut job.
bubo_fml 11
Sorry 2 say it, but, your Dad sounds like he's a few drops short of a piss! Really confuse him by asking him if he's allergic to his own nuts!
PoppyRockeys 6
I laughed. So hard. 5 stars.
wannbaussiegurl 4
I know how you feel, my brother claims the same shit. *******...
dimestorepoet 0
Forgive me because I haven't read all the comments only some but, my mom is deathly allergic to peanuts. It's the actual nut that gets to her. If she eats them, she gets stomach cramps, clamy, sick and she could die unless she has prednazone. So... I'm sorry and I understand. :|
chels1994 11
I feel really smart right now because of the threads on here.