Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML
Today, my dad insisted on taking us to a local buffet that is known for bad food and botulism. He kept piling things onto a plate for me, despite my objections. A waitress commented on how much was on my plate. I told her I wasn't hungry, and it was my dad's doing. Her response, "Your skinny self needs to eat." FML
Today, I had an argument with my dad about how Alpo dog food is trash and is why his dog keeps having terrible farts and diarrhea. My dad refuses to believe me, so now I'm always scrubbing vile, smelly, mucous-laden dog diarrhea out of the carpet. I'm a pet nutritionist. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
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Top comments
Midrash 5
I am surprise a guy like that was able to get laid
RedPillSucks 33
I feel the same way about girl scout cookies.
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Comments (134)
Swiko 11
Being deathly allergic to peanuts myself, OP, I'd say your dad's an idiot. xD FYL.
cleifmastersix 3
chunky is like infinity times better more for you
Blipp25 0
Real men don't need to make sense. You'd better watch your shit and buy smooth next time
rdm2000mc2 0
u can be allergic to raw peanuts and not peanut butter!!!!!
SoulTermination 3
Makes perfect sense to me - my mother-in-law can't eat chunky peanut butter or any sort of nut without the inside of her mouth breaking out and her face swelling, but she can eat smooth peanut butter just fine. My sister-in-law is the same way with tomatoes - she can't eat raw tomatoes without a reaction, but she can have pizza and pasta sauce and nothing happens.
racq1999 0
Omg almost as blonde as me!:P
megachaos 3
You're a moron. Some people are allergic to the textures of things. I cant eat raw apples but can eat them any other way. Same for nuts. Learn something you gay ****. You're the one with the invalid argument
mandibreann1212 6
Is this language necessary? I think not...
Geasy 5
#93: And the molecular structure that causes allergies suddenly changes when peanuts are blended and smothed? I don't think so.
satph 12
LOL his argument may be valid but this fml is still hilarious!!
halfnhalf77 1
I actually had a bf that said tha same thing. He could only eat creamy peanut butter cuz he wuz allergic to peanuts. I tried to tell him it's all peanuts anyway he didn't understand. Smh. Fuckn idiot.
jasminemcgee10 7
Its all about the chunky!!!!