Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, one of the kids I was babysitting had a severe peanut allergy, and he looked me dead in the eye as he ate a peanut bar before I could stop him. His sister swore up and down that I made him eat it. Guess who the parents believed, even after I rushed him to the hospital. FML
Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML
Today, my little brother was feeling like the god damned bratty douchebag he is and hurled a basketball at me. It missed, hit the wall, and rebounded straight into his face. He burst into tears, and I'm now grounded because my parents believed him when he said I threw it at him. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, I got grounded for 2 weeks for slapping my brother after he threw a baseball at my head and hit my shin with a bat. He’s in 9th grade and I'm in 8th. He got ice cream to "cheer him up". FML
Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML
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Top comments
Ambient25 25
Just think, another few years and he'll progress to cutting your brake line....
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Unless your brother is like, 2, your parents need a serious reality check on life...
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Comments (109)
Ambient25 25
Just think, another few years and he'll progress to cutting your brake line....
ScenicSubterfuge 39
No joke man0.0 that's happened to me!! And I'm only seventeen!!D:
EpicSquishii 21
What does your age have to do with how much someone hates you and wants you dead? At 17, you're definitely old enough to piss someone off.
Ian7890 23
i think he meant that he hasn't been driving that long and that already happened to him.
JBChristian 47
Wisdom is something very much lacked in this situation, nowadays people just pick the favorite and stick with it, pfft.
rwfrog 11
Find out what he's allergic to..
ywolfgl 21
Except I bet his parents would protect the brother
slacker_69 6
that's exactly what I was going to say
niallo 23
I think he'll be allergic to a good beating. Instant justice. You may be grounded, but if he gets slapped around every time he does it, he won't do it. And it's a punishment your parents can't undo. And for those who think I'm overreacting, a peanut allergy can be lethal.
tcook912 9
I'd sleep with one eye open if I were you.
Kyle_Kawi27 7
Or you could strangle him when the little prick comes into the room.
gc327072 31
Yea, gripping the pillow tight.
Uhscanherdarklee 10
Exit light, enter night.
blackman100 20
**** strangling. Tie his ass up and ask him if he wants to play a game.
Hyde_is_Back 4
I'm sure we all get what you meant by that. I would reword that though so it didn't sound as.... bad.
ashesanddust 8
Your parents need a new sense of logic. Too bad there isn't a way to give that to them for their birthdays
bigwiensch 15
**** younger sibilings
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Just not your mom...your girlfriend will get pissed.
Naomi Lacelle 14
Pretty sure that's called incest
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
Unless your brother is like, 2, your parents need a serious reality check on life...
SpamPam 18
Actually maybe the brother is young. That doesn't mean he can't be evil. I'm 2 years older than my little bro and at an incredibly young age he was already lying, manipulating my parents, and constantly getting me in trouble. There are some pretty messed up children out there, and maybe the kid's age is what makes the parents skeptical. Although, he managed to keep up his "antics" for years and years because they never punished him and they always believed him
lainzilla 14
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yelling seems like an overreaction, especially given that peanuts aren't even nuts.
JustJeff 9
Are you autistic?
skyturtle 9
What does autism have to do with that dumb comment? Autistic people are usually very intelligent. Also a very good friend of mine is autistic so I kind of take offense to that.
JustJeff 9
#7, Are you autistic?
Lycoris_fml 13
People who are allergic to peanuts have a high probability of being allergic to tree nuts as well, and vice versa. Most allergists will tell you to avoid all nuts if you're allergic to one. You're right, peanuts are legumes, but as far as food allergies go, peanuts and nuts go hand in hand.
Uhscanherdarklee 10
#7 don't let these other fmlers get to you. They're just as bad as the cashier that violated your second amendment rights in the 10 items or less line.
flaca273 7
He said he was deathly allergic to peanuts I don't think yelling was an over reaction
_DudeGuy_ 16
51, op is a girl.
Ameel_fml 19
I know some people who can't even smell peanuts or peanut butter without needing their EpiPen. So yeah, if the OP has an allergy as serious as that, an open jar of peanut butter is definitely something worth yelling about.
CharresBarkrey 16
I don't understand what the whole nuts/not nuts had to do with anything. OP said they were allergic to peanuts/peanut butter. It doesn't matter if peanuts aren't actually nuts, she's allergic to them no matter what. And peanut allergies are one of the most severe allergies you can have, I don't think anything is an overreaction in that case.
lndala 15
I have a peanut allergy and my sister did something similar. I ended up in the hospital's emergency room. Peanuts can be lethal.
simsgirlgem 25
It doesn't matter if its not a nut if you're allergic you kind of don't want something that will close your throat up
Fmlano 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's not like her brother shover the jar down her throat... She overreacted.
Fmlano 16
shoved*
Fmlano 16
um... shove*
dashizam 10
She did not overreact! You don't have to eat or ingest peanuts to have a reaction. Just by touching or smelling peanut residue you could die. It all depends on the severity of the allergy. Some people have a special dog that smells peanuts to help the owner to avoid any kind of residue.
HannahLouise96 13
#91 - He might not have needed to. Sometimes, if the allergy is severe (and judging by the word 'deathly', OP's is) just the smell of peanuts can trigger a reaction. EDIT: Damn, #94 beat me to it.
doodlecloud 27
Wow, that was an impressive triple fail by Fmlano...
HortonThelephant 15
For his birthday, punch him in the nuts. I think you'll be safe from anaphylactic shock..
outoftown 27
17- I think the focus is on keeping OP an alive person. I 'm not usually for violent solutions, but anything that doesn't kill or maim him is fair game here.
Adhdkid107 9
Your brother is a dick....
c4rpi0 20
Wow parents are always easier on the younger sibling and that's how you know you're not the favorite
Blackphoenix 9
In my case my parents always favoured the older siblings :(
AngelSpit 18
I always **** with my kids about who's the favorite *evil grin*
nightbirdblue 27
The favorite child can be anywhere in birthorder.
BlueConverse 7
Really? In mine they favor my younger twin