Today, my dad yelled at me for buying chunky peanut butter. He wanted smooth. Apparently he's "allergic to peanuts." I had to explain to him why his argument made no sense. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, the only conversation I had with my mother where she didn't explode into a hissy fit was about peanut butter vs. almond butter. And even then she was starting to get mad at me. FML
Today, my little brother gave me an open jar of peanut butter for my birthday. I'm deathly allergic, and he knows it. Despite his maniacal grin and snickering, my parents said it was an innocent mistake, and grounded me for yelling at him. FML
Today, at work a customer bitched me out for not explicitly telling her that our peanut butter pancakes contain real peanut butter. She's threatening to sue because she's allergic to peanuts. FML
Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML
Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, it was my birthday. My only birthday present was a cake that my dad bought from Walmart. Well, it sure looked tasty. The only problem: it had nuts on it. Guess what I'm highly allergic too? At least my dad told me he'd "tell me how it tastes." FML
Today, my dad insisted on taking us to a local buffet that is known for bad food and botulism. He kept piling things onto a plate for me, despite my objections. A waitress commented on how much was on my plate. I told her I wasn't hungry, and it was my dad's doing. Her response, "Your skinny self needs to eat." FML
Today, I had an argument with my dad about how Alpo dog food is trash and is why his dog keeps having terrible farts and diarrhea. My dad refuses to believe me, so now I'm always scrubbing vile, smelly, mucous-laden dog diarrhea out of the carpet. I'm a pet nutritionist. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack. I grabbed my inhaler and found peanut butter on it. I'm extremely allergic to peanuts. FML
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Top comments
Midrash 5
I am surprise a guy like that was able to get laid
RedPillSucks 33
I feel the same way about girl scout cookies.
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Comments (134)
cupakake 0
Buy him almond butter, he'll shut up after one taste.
Taurus_ChicKa 37
How does his argument not make sense? Your dad is allergic to peanuts so he can't eat chunky peanut butter. Most people who are allergic to peanuts can eat smooth peanut butter with no problems.
ohrlynao 0
Lolwut.
silver848 6
Look at post 31. He explains it
sadistmonkey 19
Sometimes, people use the word "allergic" to mean they hate something (eg. I'm allergic to Rebecca Black). Perhaps the OPs father didn't literally mean that he was allergic to peanuts. I'm just playing devil's advocate here.
MiaLoves 8
chuncky peanut butters the shit.
caviar_fml 2
actually my friends is allergic to peanuts but can eat smooth peanut butter...its coz its so processed. chunky is less because there are actually chunks of nuts in it
JackHart 7
Most people are allergic to the mold in unprocessed peanuts and not the actual peanut. Peanut butter is made from processed peanuts so the mold isn't in it. A lot of people can eat peanut butter even if they are "allergic to peanuts." FYI. So his argument is valid.
FarSide 23
I call bullshit.
chocomilkshake 5
I hate it when people call bullshit outta asgfdytfnhjk nowhere. YOUR "INTUITION" IS INVALID!! Where is your argument?!
julian24245 0
Is it too much to ask for smooth peanut butter nowadays?
BellaBelle_fml 23
Yes. Crunchy peanutbutter FTW!
ricinator 11
his argument is quite reasonable actually, I think some peanut butters are not made from real peanuts, but instead peanut flavoring
Psycho_Babydoll 26
Tell him you can't eat smooth because you're allergic to butter.
lebronsucks 3
Haha