Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
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Top comments
Han1156 23
Father and son bonding.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
This is his idea of sex education?! Teens already have unrealistic expectations of what sex should be like as it is and he puts on a porno to teach you the fundamentals of a sexual relationship! Then proceed to get an erection! Wow. What did he do next? Point to it and say "this is how you know you're ready for penetration, son" Your dad needs a slap. On the face. With a shovel. -___-
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Comments (188)
ballbearing 10
And that is considered sexual abuse.
Joshwarrior 39
pathetic exaggeration of the word abuse
SilverInGray 25
Not really. If the son is a minor, that is legally child abuse. You can't coerce a minor into watching **** with you.
FightMyLiger 19
He had a boner. It's wrong. Seriously. Even if not legally wrong, it's wrong. How would you feel if your father arranged to have a boner in front of you? Because that's what happened. He knew it was gonna be boner time. Think about it folks.
RedPillSucks 33
Boner time? Is that like "Hammer time"? Cause OPs dad deserved to be hit with a hammer.
Robbo_teamate 0
That must have been the most awkward moment ever
funky2525 14
Awko Taco, never want to be in that situation, sorry!
vanity113 9
Who the hell says awko taco?
AwkwardHaole808 16
Stop trying to make "Awko Taco" happen. It's not going to happen.
NeinKittenz 20
That hurt my eyes, my eyes are sad now.
perdix 31
What? Did he make you sit on his lap? Or was he using his dick as a laser pointer?
chuckcloninger 12
Are you a girl? Hope not.
CharresBarkrey 16
Nope, OP's a male.
A7XCamaro 19
Only the iPhone app and online have gender signs.
Danielle7994 18
108, The Galaxy S3 also has the gender signs
iAmPaul 49
169, all Androids for that matter.
jackaced 7
Could've been worse...it wasn't a home movie he made
carebear808 12
Child Abuse
drewflav 17
I sincerely hope you aren't one of those people who screams "child abuse" when you see your neighbour's kid taking out the trash. If you're going to make a strong statement like that, you should justify it with something.
Kitsi 14
I applaud him. He cared enough to actually take time to try to teach you, in his own way. That is more than most kids get nowdays.
Kitsi 14
oh Jesus!1 I totally repressed the whole fact of him having an erection! I take back what i said :(
Olympiakos10 15
Hey son, let's go play catch? Nah, stupid idea, let's watch **** instead!
Iniezian 18
Look at where the OP is from. I don't know if Italy has similar child welfare policies to the US. Also, OP never mentions his age, what if he's 18?
angelitared 27
Dads a creep