Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my mom gave me the "birds and the bees" talk, while she was taking a dump. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, my mom gave me a talk on safe sex. During a three hour car ride. With my friends in the back seat. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
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Top comments
Dinoporeon 9
That is NOT the sex talk. Your mom made you watch creepy ****.
joea21 21
Better than her making sure you're using proper technique.
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Comments (114)
Dinoporeon 9
That is NOT the sex talk. Your mom made you watch creepy ****.
Trym 7
Yeah, she should have used magazines, like Jim's father!
shaww 28
It could have been worse... She could've shown you sex online and point out what's happening
Enslaved 38
You never know. . . Maybe that's the next lesson?
michaelaranda 28
it could have been much much worse
taco_bender 12
Well I guess she wanted to make sure you were gonna do it right and wouldn't hurt yourself in the process. If that's possible.
loooloool 13
At least she didn't get his dad to show him straight up now that would be ****** up
142_cats 13
That is a little creepy. She should of asked "Do you want to watch guys jack off so you know how it's done?". It's not that hard, honestly. (it's hard for the guys though XD)
ShiiteDisturber 9
Wait which one is the bird and which one is the bee again?
Potteria 11
Why call it "creepy ****"? Because it's men masturbating, and not women? Let's call it just ****.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
I cringed while reading this.
buckstop1 37
88, how is it hard for guys to jack off? All we do is just move pur hand up and down. Dumbass
joea21 21
Better than her making sure you're using proper technique.
persianninja 23
Either way that is still very creepy
Fuaaad1994 31
It could have been a lot worse if she demonstrated it with OPs father... Positive thinking ey?
RedPillSucks 33
Or OPs uncle
ViktoriaaKills 13
No, OP's uncle will be filming it.
mya55 11
@69 omg yes!
TheBrochure 22
I understand why, but opine that #71 should not be getting thumbed down. #69 made a glorious reference to a previous FML; the comment number just happened to be what it is.
Trin_Tran 26
Yeah it's natural but it's not natural to watch videos of guys just doing that (I'm assuming you're a guy) Unless you like that kind of stuff ..
teyyoshi 19
he must be a guy ，his mum just want himself to be aware of normally jerking off when being a adult，he shouldnt be shameful
spoo 24
Mom, can you please show me the women's version and leave the room?
TheCrispyCat 20
If you hear noises I am taking notes
BradTheBrony 19
I like how you say "that kind of stuff" like dudes jerking off is something weird and not arousing to about half of the people on Earth.
BoltTheSuperdog 22
What's not natural is watching this stuff with your own mother!
darwinism 30
Reassure her by saying "Don't worry mum, everything is under control. I'm not a gynecologist, but I take a look anyway".
Nickb55 16
How old are you that she thinks she needs to still talk about this?
mimiminx 23
Perhaps this was her version of safe sex?
marcranger 29
I guess sex is pretty safe, if you're too scarred to ever attempt it.
sparkrok 8
The greatest form of birth control? The opposable thumb...
Nohman 14
To me, it's loud, obnoxious, crying children. When I see them, all I want to do is just stay the hell away from vaginas.
paigexox0 37
Im so glad my mom never attempted that talk..
wopchop12 8
Same, she just told me if I had questions to ask her or my dad
ThatFancyPenn 18
My mom just told me not to watch ****...
froggyjade 16
That's good advice, would give a teen a totally unrealistic view of sex
ThatsMyPie 20
59 - That would be better advice. Every teenage boy is going to watch **** whether they are permitted to or not. The mother would have done a better job if she explained that **** is not a realistic portrayal of sex.
paigexox0 37
My mom just pretends sex or masturbation doesn't exist for me hahah
froggyjade 16
As a mother I would never do that! Your mum has major boundary issues (that's kinda obvious!)
TeacherTeem 21
At least they weren't home videos. Give her some credit for trying.
claiiire_fml 17
Lmao your comment is great.
elJefe98 8
Yeah, um, there's a button for that.
xmidnightxlonerx 12
Hey, if you can't beat 'em... Beat with 'em?
TheBrochure 22
First, you must watch them beat. Walk, then run.