Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
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Top comments
Han1156 23
Father and son bonding.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
This is his idea of sex education?! Teens already have unrealistic expectations of what sex should be like as it is and he puts on a porno to teach you the fundamentals of a sexual relationship! Then proceed to get an erection! Wow. What did he do next? Point to it and say "this is how you know you're ready for penetration, son" Your dad needs a slap. On the face. With a shovel. -___-
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Comments (188)
UnluckyGenius 21
Reading this almost brought a tear to my eye, but I am sure you had quite a few tears yourself OP.
Olympiakos10 15
#48 Calm down. Are you running for Pope or something? It's just a porno, not a murder plot.
buckdharma 38
Could have been worse. Could have made you listen to Korn.
Ur_Life_My_Laugh 6
Dad should know that if OP knows how to get on fmylife.com he would also know how to get on pornhub.com
Joshwarrior 39
i'm going to say what I said to the person above you " pathetic exaggeration of the word abuse".
DK_91 9
wtf
Alicestraza 33
You know this is actually illegal and child abuse if OP is under 18. Why is it okay for a young guy (around the age the sex talk is given) to watch ****? Had there been two people acting out that same video right in front of OP it would be blatant child abuse. But it's separated by a screen so it's okay?
Olympiakos10 15
If the Transformers were fighting right in front of you, then you'd shit your pants, no? But when they're behind a screen it's all fine and dandy.
FallenStar06 5
It's in Italy. They probably have different laws on it.
D3ATHZ3RO 15
Just....just, what can I say?
Hawaii84 16
FYL I'm sorry you had to sit through that. You're dad is not winning the parent of the year award for sure.
french_canadien 17
And this didn't raise any flags for you? I really hope this is as far as things went..