Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, I overheard my 11-year-old son giving my 8-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I got the sex talk from my dad. It wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't said, "It's not the size of the stick, it's how you use it." I'm a girl. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my mom told my dad to get me extra absorbent pads, very loudly, in a crowded mall. FML
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Top comments
arandomperson97 19
Did he use objects from the shelf as visuals too?
feven 32
"So son, you take this here (picks up shoes) and stick it into here (points at socks). AND that is how babies are made"
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Comments (65)
wildgenius 13
Well this can be logical. You sure wouldn't forget it and he would be educating others at the same time.
incoherentrmblr 22
If only OP lived in Canada, the conversation would've never happened...
iSativa 24
Return the favor by having loud sex while he's home and make sure to yell "AM I DOING IT RIGHT?" if he comes to investigate.
StephenStrangeMD 3
Please let there be an update that confirms OP did this.
arandomperson97 19
Did he use objects from the shelf as visuals too?
JohnTheDonJuan 11
op's dad proceeds with a pool noodle in one hand and a hula hoop in the other.
gabythatcher 21
a pool noodle in a hoola hoop?! holy cow that's like a hot dog in a hallway.
FMyLyricalAnus 11
Well, maybe he wanted to be a sex ed teacher and this was the closest he could get to being one.
snowflaky 22
This is a prime opportunity to do something equally embarrassing for him, ask him questions about ****, blow jobs, best sex positions, etc. Make him tell you. In a public location.
feven 32
"So son, you take this here (picks up shoes) and stick it into here (points at socks). AND that is how babies are made"
SystemofaBlink41 27
*fast forward to OP's first time* "Are you sure you want to do this, honey?" "I'm sure." *pulls out shoe and sock*
WCARlover 35
Sounds like he targeted you as his victim for the day
mxgirl1998 26
Did he use props? But seriousy, fyl indeed, op.
Econforthwin 15
This seems more like a Wal-Mart conversation.
Dodge4x4Ram 46
that's when you avoid eye contact with anyone cute