Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Han1156 23
Father and son bonding.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
This is his idea of sex education?! Teens already have unrealistic expectations of what sex should be like as it is and he puts on a porno to teach you the fundamentals of a sexual relationship! Then proceed to get an erection! Wow. What did he do next? Point to it and say "this is how you know you're ready for penetration, son" Your dad needs a slap. On the face. With a shovel. -___-
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (188)
Han1156 23
Father and son bonding.
emilyjgraham 34
Bondage*... No?
teddy4nyy 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You know that's a felony if you're under 18, right?
bluehero 17
46, Since when is an education illegal?
tjv3 10
That's just gross
Zen_Mei 17
#1 that's a bonding any son should oppose!!
evilraider 5
It would be more awkward if its father daughter bonding
evilraider 5
It would be more awkward if its father daughter bonding
jeepers_1 21
Last time I checked it wasn't illegal for teens to watch ****, also it's not like he tried to touch him... So I'm not sure what the felony is...
twitch851 9
It Actually is, #112, that's why most **** sites that don't require credit card to have a warning before entering the main portion of the site. Make sure you know you laws when viewing mature material, cause its not just **** that is that way, there is also some adult only video games, Especially in Japan.
Wimoweh 10
Always Japan. That's why they're so fly.
teddy4nyy 13
@57 Depiction of pornographic images to a minor is a felony. How is that educational?
NotGabe 28
That's a sticky bond.
Ur_Life_My_Laugh 6
Is better than father and son fondling.
Tdot36 5
Technically to be on this site you have to be 17 or whatever.. So..
icetea4life 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a dick he was...an erected dick hahahahaha
Pwn17 25
Way to over force a joke...
ladytigerhunts 20
After all, we're all from **** erectus. HAHA
RedPillSucks 33
no ****, homie
Hobbit79 10
Hahahahahah... No.
Kiki242 19
You should've just walked out of the room.
Zebediabolical 45
I agree. YDI for sticking around.
ilovedinosawers 17
What if he locked the door.... DUN DUN DUNNNN.
lVluse 15
Or, just simply said, "Dad, I don't feel comfortable with this."
LuckBeNimble 19
or started masturbating.
PandaKitteh 20
He probably just used "teaching him about sex" to watch **** o_O
maximus_prime 24
The last time OP got up and walked out of the room, his father and 13 and 16 year old brothers laughed at him for still being a virgin.
akiahara 14
A video of parenting skills could be useful.
Houston25 2
They have porkys about that too...
chocolateisyum 12
That must have been a hard task to sit through.
Shortay123 14
Hence his father's hard on. It was only a defense mechanism in response to his fears of teaching his son about sex.
BellaBelle_fml 23
^ What?!
emilyjgraham 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Judging by the name, the OP is a female. I actually feel more sympathy for you now!!
Askzombie 14
It clearly says male
emilyjgraham 34
I do not know how I missed that... o.O
Wizardo 34
I'm guessing presumptions, jumping to conclusions and forgetting how to read would be how, as to why though... well you're on your own.
emilyjgraham 34
Possibly! I don't use the website and had no clue where the gender was. Apologies. :)
HaraAishi 8
I didn't know the gender either. On the Windows Phone app, it doesn't show the gender.
mn_shr 22
Interesting parenting skills no?
Shortay123 14
No.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
This is his idea of sex education?! Teens already have unrealistic expectations of what sex should be like as it is and he puts on a porno to teach you the fundamentals of a sexual relationship! Then proceed to get an erection! Wow. What did he do next? Point to it and say "this is how you know you're ready for penetration, son" Your dad needs a slap. On the face. With a shovel. -___-
Joshwarrior 39
I think a slap to the face with a ***** would drive the point home more. (: He might also lose the erection with that action too, so it would be a two in one.
LuckBeNimble 19
33: speaking of two in one... (;
Joshwarrior 39
lol nice train of thought.
Soloman212 28
Also something tells me slapping someone with a ***** isn't a sure-fire way to make their erection die out... People have the weirdest fetishes.
jramirez16 9
After the slap "Thanks I needed that! I was dying out here" lol
SailorSolaris 43
Shovel? Try iron baseball bat! What an ass! Immature too!
narkill 13
That must've been really hard for you...
RoboCunnilingus 23
He was just giving op some derections.
xALEXx_fml 15
At least now your parents will be okay with you watching ****. If they weren't before-obviously not.
FightMyLiger 19
Not worth it.
xALEXx_fml 15
Not worth what?
ImAFaker 29
Not worth IT.
OneLittleAdditio 9
no worth having to sit next to your dad bearing an erection. I'd rather I never see my dad with an erection for being able to watch ****. there is like no bright side to this. Ew!
xALEXx_fml 15
Righto then lol