Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad uploaded his porn collection onto our family server. My mom was convinced I did it and sat me down for a long talk. FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I was woken up by the sound of my dad blasting porn on his computer. FML
Today, my drunk dad went off on a tangent about his porn watching habits to the whole family. FML
Today, I caught my young son watching porn so, not wanting to give him a warped view of sex and love, I was giving him the proper sex talk when my religious mother walked in, realised what we were talking about, and started screaming about sin and hell and diseases, and he ran off crying. FML
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Top comments
Han1156 23
Father and son bonding.
iiTzNeeNerz 26
This is his idea of sex education?! Teens already have unrealistic expectations of what sex should be like as it is and he puts on a porno to teach you the fundamentals of a sexual relationship! Then proceed to get an erection! Wow. What did he do next? Point to it and say "this is how you know you're ready for penetration, son" Your dad needs a slap. On the face. With a shovel. -___-
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Comments (188)
fml0505 22
That's a whole 'nother level of awkward.. If he has a "worlds greatest dad" coffee mug, I suggest smashing it over his head.
Zen_Mei 17
With coffee still in it
G_Lagaffe 4
Did you enjoy the video at least?
WizardJeremy 13
Wtf??? Making your son watch **** is not sex. All they do is some penetration, oral and body worship and its done. Sex isnt like that, its suppose to be fun and creative and you can do loads of things in sex and you just need to remember protection for both sexualities.
WizardJeremy 13
Why are people giving it bad ratings, it is true unless your dumb enough to believe **** is actual sex
xXNerrrdXx 16
Omg that was epic xD....u have a nice dad but he really needs some parenting lessons rofl
Ypetrol 11
**** bonding lol
EarthyGrrl 8
Ick...how old are you? This sounds like child abuse...
mr_sarcastic416 29
depending on OP's age, op's dad could get in serious trouble here
RemyX1 7
Lol I imagine moms all what are you doing John Just giving jimmy the sex talk.
InvisibleMonster_fml 16
*Cleveland voice* Ohh that's nasty.
shaww 28
Dad: Hey son, wanna play some catch? OP: Nah dad, i think im in the mood for some ****
Olympiakos10 15
Same thing I said, but in play form.