Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Today, my mom decided the time was right to give me the sex talk. Towards the end, I had to excuse myself to the bathroom. As I came back, I overheard my dad telling my mom that I'm so unpopular, the only time I'll get laid is when I'm being put in a coffin. FML
Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML
Today, I was having the "sex talk" with my mom because I really want to have sex with my boyfriend. My dad overheard us and is sulking. The only reason he hasn’t said anything like, “I’ll kill the boy” or, “Not until you’re married” is because he’s scared of my mom. Now everything is awkward at home FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
Today, my father decided it would be a good idea to give me the sex talk, at Target, at the top of his lungs. FML
Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML
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Top comments
Valentina_Baby 7
Troll mom strikes again!
badwolfbluebox 7
Firstly though, your mother called you 'that' ?
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Comments (194)
Valentina_Baby 7
Troll mom strikes again!
Climaxx 11
There's a fne line between trolling & just being mean :L
ProhibitionRose 14
28- I don't think there is such a thing as a "nice troll".
Climaxx 11
What I meant by mean was hater* Sorry.
s0m3guy2010 21
Think of it this way. She slept with you inside her for nine months. No incest intended.
SmeXikoE 3
Then the father turned and said "Bitch he took after you" And if you're wondering why he would sleep with her blame alcohol.
SmeXikoE 3
Sleep with her* Let the thumbs down begin.
_LE4RN_ 4
Take 'em down and yak 'em smak 'em!
Comet_Candy 23
Who knows, OP could be adopted.
br0ccoli 15
Troll mom: Preaching abstinence by way of low self esteem and psychological damage.
ShyAnn29 15
94, it would depend on if she says things like that to him all the time, or if this was just a one time thing
spekledworf 18
I told my mom I was gunna be a stripper... she said I'd be getting paid to walk off the stage
blushy 14
ouch
badwolfbluebox 7
Firstly though, your mother called you 'that' ?
ClassyCommando 13
My mother calls me Micah...which wouldn't be so bad if my name wasn't Joseph.
s0m3guy2010 21
51- The good people of FML will never get your name wrong Charlie.
SecretMe00 5
Ya, OP's mom seems like a total bitch.
GovernorGeneral 8
51- yeah Jacob, your name is forever carved into our hearts/brains for some reason...
ladyLALAA 29
Secondly, did anyone think maybe she was joking?
thiscrazything 1
Hope she was joking, if not then she fails big time as a parent.
CallMeBloo 31
Oooh, that hurts. My dad will occasionally just call me "son," though. He has one....but it's not me.
DestinyandLove 0
What.....a.......bitch, no offense
skitzofunia88 8
First thought that came to my mind
amrik 11
On the bright side, she might have saved op from the talk
Calyx_fml 22
No... offense. Lots of offense.
cjwalsh86 0
*Shoots Destinys stupid duck face right off*
iamyummylicious 14
Lincoln, we don't want another civil war.
BostonBruinsFan 8
*no one notices Abe's new iPhone 4s hopefully no one does*
Jiplo 18
That's an iPhone 3GS, bitch. Get your smartphones strait.
iamyummylicious 14
@174 - Get your spelling "straight". No where in this conversation was a connecting passageway between two seas mentioned.
hurtandabused 7
Bitch. I'm sure u look good. No one deserves such cruel words
DreaminOfMusic 0
I'm glad that you have more faith in op than his mom..that's just very sad
olpally 33
That's harsh op.. I thought parents were supposed to be supportive of their kids no matter what they look like?? "who would want to sleep with that" is a horrible and classless comment by your mother. Keep your head up op. I hope your mom apologized for that comment.
vturbz91 0
Maybe ops mom is just honest
Shafreeka 8
76- Honesty is one thing, and talking to anyone with no tact or sense or kindness is another. Especially, her child. I would say anything like that to mine, and most parents wouldn't either.
mboehm88 3
At first I thought this had a comma and you said "Bitch, I'm sure you look good". Sounded pretty OG for a second.
Littlemiss__LOL 0
calm down. she was probably just kidding around. it's like no one has a sense of humor anymore.
laden_swallow09 35
105 - Just goes to show us all that a little punctuation goes a long way! :)
BostonBruinsFan 8
62-what rink is that? Anyone like the Bruins?
olpally 33
It's the chicago Blackhawks:: at the united center :)
jtthegr8 26
HAHA MOM FTW!!!
Insane_Tea 15
Don't know if bad trolling or utter stupidity.
jcrotty19 4
Lol
jtthegr8 26
Utter stupidity, I'm good at trolling :3
DKjazz 20
Not sure if blind honesty or still trolling. Oh wait, does that meme have a once per thread limit? Oh well.
Lilybugg16 5
WTF
kooochris1995 14
WTF= Want To ****?.
FirstTigerHobbes 13
No thanks, it's not Friday. Because we all know you can't get down on a Wednesday. You... Gotta get down on Friday!
simonsaysYDI 8
But Wednesday is the night that we usually make love. There ain't nothing good on tv..
RadPenny 6
39-Can't tell if trolling...
edgestr 2
But Wednesday is hump day.
Wellwhateverthen 8
Haahahah!
BostonBruinsFan 8
112-"Friday" By Rebecca Bieber is a horrible song, and quotes pertaining to it are ****** up. I agree with you, 112. All who agree to anything I've said, thumb me and 112 up, and the post with the reference of "Friday". All that disagree, sorry, but please go admit yourself into a mental hospital. Thanks.
deathofalifetime 0
Dude hahaha that sucks! But it's okay they have therapy for rejects now so you can go to a place where unwanteds comfort each other. Now how cute is that?
Dontstealmyname 11
Are you from that place? You do seem to know quite a lot about it.
A7x4REVer 3
I have a feeling you weren't loved as a child and are now taking your feelings of neglect out on those who don't deserve it. It's people like you that make me hate this bullshit we call "society"
karkid619 8
66- A7X man! **** yeah! foREVer
iamyummylicious 14
But my therapist is my best friend :(?!
Jackasss_fml 14
Yup you wud know.... I mean look how retarted you look!
TheThree 0
That's cute coming from the lobster
RochelleRedvines 8
The irony of this comment made me die inside.
mpena616 7
Dude, you're an ass.
stickytack 7
At least he can spell retarded. And don't you dare say that word like that. That's worst then swears.
elizabeth713 8
You should talk about rejection dude, you even had an fml rejected. Lol.
Miouya 0
Ouch! That's was a complete bitch move But then again she might have been kidding around. :p but still a bitch move
BIGmoney107 0
I bet that one stung a little!
maxwells_hammer 5
Hints why it's on FML now.
l0v3p4in 7
Your response to your dad, "Be realistic, Dad. Why would you want to sleep with that?!"
wlddog 14
That is a standing ovation right there.
knifeywifey 0
Boooooya!!!! Nice one :)
mattorama 15
I think "Well, I DID inherit my mother's looks!" would have worked as well.
Liizlovesswiimii 7
Ahahahahahahhahahahah that actually made me laugh ;)