Today, a woman approached me in the street and slapped me, ranting about how I stole her man. I don't even know her man, or her, and I live over a thousand miles away in Scotland. I'm back in town for the first time since my childhood to attend a wedding. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a woman came knocking on my door. Not to sell something or to chat, no. To punch me in the mouth. Apparently, I stole her husband and I'm a homewrecker. We don't have a clue who she is. My husband and I have been married for 5 years, and were high school sweethearts. FML
Today, while waiting for my order at a restaurant, a woman walked up to me and slapped me. She looked at me for a moment and said "Sorry, I thought you were someone else." Ten minutes later, the same woman came back and slapped me again. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML
Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML
Today, my girlfriend came over to my place unannounced. She slapped me in the face, said, "You son of a bitch." and stormed off. I have no idea what that was for. FML
Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML
Today, I was standing in a queue when an old lady turned, looked straight at me, and asked me to hold her bag. Confused, I took a hold of it. She started screaming for help claiming I was stealing her shopping. Turns out, she was talking to her husband behind me. FML
Today, I was at the airport when I saw a woman drop her bags and run to her husband. Thinking that someone might steal them, I picked up her bags and brought them over to her. She thanked me by slapping me, calling me a bitch and calling security. FML
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, I bumped into a lady, apologised and tried to continue on. She screamed assault and tried to citizen's arrest me. I've got better things to do, so I ignored her but she latched onto my leg like a toddler. I ended up dragging this insane woman up the street until she finally let go. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
dramaelf 37
Having a telepathic affair are we? You minx.
emmingle 24
If she's walking around assaulting random people, she wasn't much of a catch in the first place...
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (76)
dramaelf 37
Having a telepathic affair are we? You minx.
adam3650 12
I almost dated a psychic once, but she dumped me before we met.....
gotaplanstan 28
I knew you were going to say that 49.
babe7260 30
Must have a twin somewhere!
danial1214 21
Guys, don't thumb down 3 her and 2 commented at the same time.
Olympiakos10 15
3 is 2s twin who wrote the same thing as 2, thus making no sense
ohSNAPyall 27
33 Waaaaah. Nice of you to keep the peace.
Disobey_fml 13
Or a doppelganger.
young_weezy_fml 3
maybe the wedding you are attending is yours and it's with her man
evilraider 5
Wtf? No
BellaBelle_fml 23
Ok, I think it's high time for you to lay off the weed there, young_weezy.
SomeRandomGuy15 18
So are you suggesting that OP somehow has amnesia and forgot their own wedding?
hoffmanam 13
I just hate it when that happens
emmingle 24
If she's walking around assaulting random people, she wasn't much of a catch in the first place...
kevinhenning 4
Did you tell HER that
ilovedinosawers 17
Oh no she di-idn't!
Catkam623 27
*snaps a Z in the air*
GrinchFu1 27
m/ Alba gu brath m/
BrandiLush 31
Meth is a hell of a drug.
Wimoweh 10
Either that or he's Scottish.
NagainaFier 16
While 31 makes a fair point, after a quick profile check, I'mma go with 37 on this one.
Llama_Face89 34
It's Gaelic. Roughly translates to "Scotland forever"
lysx84 24
Did 9 just get thumbed down for being a proud Scot? Is everyone just jealous?
Adhdkid107 9
People can't just go up to people and slap them. I mean maybe you looked like they girl that stole him but still. They should make sure that's the actual person.
kxxjoejoexxk 8
Yea they kinda can..... It happens almost daily according to fml
jackaced 7
Do you look like your mother? Time to ask some questions...