Today, my Breaking Bad-obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks" during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, my boyfriend decided to "spice up sex" by talking like an anime character. We had to stop after the line, "Your vagina will crumble before the power of my Hypercock!" FML
Today, as I was in the middle of giving my boyfriend head, he looked at me and said "Eat that cockmeat sandwich." He seriously thought it was a turn on. FML
Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
Today, my boyfriend called my vagina "Chewbacca". FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend doggy-style. I was getting close when he suddenly blurts out, "Babe, you really need to bleach your asshole." FML
Today, during sex, my boyfriend found it appropriate to tell me he loves "how bad" I smell. FML
Today, my OCD boyfriend stopped mid-way through sex just to crack all ten of his knuckles after accidentally cracking one. FML
Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML
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Top comments
organizse 28
"SAY MY NAME" "SAY. MY. NAME." "Mood killer."
KhaleesiDannie 26
Fandom's don't belong in the bedroom
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Comments (85)
organizse 28
"I AM the danger"
adrian1910 15
Did you say his name?
nietzche 8
I watched her excitement die.
redstone7693 29
A man opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks.
KhaleesiDannie 26
Fandom's don't belong in the bedroom
organizse 28
Idk some people are into that.
xninix_fml 36
@6 Yeah, but I think it'd be better if the couple discussed that before having sex. This guy clearly didn't talk about it with the op.
homesuckfucker 28
My girlfriend called me by a comic character's name in bed by mistake once.
LikeYouGiveAShit 27
49 yeah I don't think she meant Bruce Wayne ;)
homesuckfucker 28
She called me "Vriska," #50.
Vegetarian27 24
More importantly, there is no apostrophe in "fandoms."
KK3137 31
Hah, my gf kept referring to her vag as the "chamber of secrets" and randomly exclaiming shit like "oh! This reminds me of that one time in Harry Potter where they're going into the cave..." and other random HP references. It was fun for a while, but luckily she stopped.
badgercheese94 16
Fandom applies to crappy teen shows, not adult masterpieces 8)
hayleyblack2u71 21
#50 Maybe she accidentally called them "The Flash"? ;)
homesuckfucker 28
#68, Again, she called me Vriska, not anything from the Marvel comics. But she does make jokes about how fast I finish.
JKPwnage 27
fandoms* Never use apostrophes for pluralization
tylercarolinex 21
get out. get out now, no matter how good the show is
R2Y2 22
Why? Break up with someone for something as stupid as that?
ohjoy15 33
Yeah. Right on. Get out OP. Move to New Zealand and you could paint the local castles and shit. Or become a bush pilot...
AirBusDriver 23
Hey, bring a Bush Pilot has its moments, mostly good with the occasional adrenaline rush, (aka:terror) ?
lfrider92 21
Why? There is absolutely zero reason to break up over that...if you break up over something that small, I have a feeling you will spend a lot of time alone in your life...
xyris_fml 28
I forget that FML's solution to everything is breaking up.
organizse 28
"SAY MY NAME" "SAY. MY. NAME." "Mood killer."
kurodansei 16
When nobodies around you say baby I love you.
sarkycow 25
Glad I'm not the only one who sung that in my head after reading this posting!
Morning_fml 22
"You're God damn right--wait, what?"
Zappaz 32
His puns are bad and he should feel bad
ohjoy15 33
@#26 Yeah! Or she could've put her clothes back on and said "This is my own private domicile and I will not be harassed. Bitch."
lfrider92 21
Best comment on this thread #27. I laughed for sure!
Zappaz 32
#27 heuheuheu genius XD
ZoroMiHawk 25
Well don't tell him what your ****** turned into, or he might get the idea to bury his money in it.
Mauskau 36
Free money, why not?
musoboy 22
The internet is yours today.
lindora 35
*slow clap*
sarah2144 14
God damn it. You beat me to it.
FemaleTitan 8
I made an account just to acknowledge how much I appreciate that pun. :')
Mynamewontfi 40
At least he didn't call you a bitch.
larrena2377 26
Clearly, the people who down voted you don't understand.
Dreamsorrow93 24
To help people who haven't seen breaking bad. There is a character named Jessie who calls everyone a bitch about a thousand times a show. Hence "at least he didn't call you a bitch". So in context pretty funny comment :)!
NostalgiaFreak9 43
He's a keeper.
feven 32
Foreplay failing. Where have I heard that story before?
ohfortheloveof 4
my wifes cousin workedon that show and frankly couldnt see her liking that during sex!