Today, my dad came to confiscate my phone. I stuck it in between my boobs so he wouldn't be able to see it. He said, "Honey, your breasts aren't big enough to hide that." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, my dad let me borrow his phone while I wait for mine to get back from the shop. I guess he forgot to pass the news along, because within 4 hours I'd received a picture of my mom's tits. FML
Today, while jailbreaking my dad's phone, I found out the hard way that it's jam-packed full of my mom's nudes. FML
Today, my dad came round to the house. Looking rather pleased with himself he pulled out his phone, grinned, and chucked it over to me. I glanced at the screen to see a naked woman. He smiled and said "I tapped that last night". FML
Today, my husband asked me to show him my boob. I began to pull the side of my shirt down when he said, "No, not that one, the big one." FML
Memory man
Today, my dad let me use his phone. Five minutes later, he had my mom call it because he thought he'd lost it. FML
Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML
Today, as I was opening the door for my boyfriend, I pressed my boobs against the glass to make him laugh. I didn't see his dad standing just behind him at first, but he certainly saw me. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend had his phone taken away by his dad for this past week. I have been sending him naked photos and other naughty things this entire week, or so I thought. FML
Today, I caught my mother trying to text on her iPhone, with her nipple. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Top comments
H3YG1RL 0
Lol are you 12?
sailorzoe 14
Gotta have Cs. :)
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Comments (245)
H3YG1RL 0
Lol are you 12?
instnt1nfction 17
She could have stuck it up inside her and put it on vibrate
hockey199813 5
Lol
hockey199813 5
Lol
koolkat27 13
ew..
exleonhart 0
Instnt! You genius! Clearly taking time to drop trou, find the vibe button, and insert her phone into her vag is clearly the better solution! How she be so daft?!
whydoyoufear 2
Hey at least her dad is a realist.
Llama_Face89 34
Hey ya don't have to be a kid to have a small rack.
WowUStupid 0
Big phone or small breasts....
je_suis_fml 11
102- but you have to be a kid for "dad" to confiscate your phone...
Llama_Face89 34
119- not necessarily. Could have strict parents.
glenzhao2 16
Tell him he's creepy for staring at your boobs and for that he's not taking your phone.
freelove_fml 2
16 - win. "You know daddy, I have no idea where my phone is, mind giving me a call so I can find it? OHHHHH YESSS DADDY"
disturbedrox11 17
You dont have to be 12 to have small breasts. My older sister is 18 and she's a 32A. Shes in college, but my parents could still take away her phone when she comes home if she got in trouble since they're paying for her phone.
Jammy01jams 2
126 - strict parents or not, the key word is "let" them take it away. Unless you're 12 don't let your parents take your phone. That is how you communicate with them and others to not be a complete antisocial loser. My parents at least understand this.. Idk what is wrong with you guys. Ever said no to your parents. I am obedient to my parents but they surprisingly don't always know best. They've admitted that a couple of times. There are other punishments, yet I rarely have them inflicted due to my parents not being social retard strict *****, and me having the ability to bot get caught on every small bad thing I do.
ohmygaaawsh29 0
Maybe if you were disciplined properly you wouldnt be such a dumbfuck now
hannahcorrine 0
Oh snap
insidejokeswithm 0
Yes. She must be 12. It would be creepier if it were an uncle, in my opinion. Or if they reached in there.
clumsylittleme 11
Haha. Like everyones saying. You don't have to be 12 to have small boobs. And I'm just 13 and have bigger than C's. Hell, I had C's when I was 12. And I'm not fat so it's not fat boobs.
HateLife66 0
Lol I read ur name and then ur comment, it was funny
robinhood007 9
Whoa, youre so cool, how the **** does the world not realize this?
Euronymous93 29
I'm in my late teens and I wear an A32. Age has nothing to do with boob size.
sailorzoe 14
Gotta have Cs. :)
sirwinnicky 0
Your tattoos are awesome btw
nollid7 5
She probably has a smart phone, only thing is, the inventors weren't very smart when it came to the size. They're F**KING huge.
Soloman212 28
"Hey I'm going to invent a phone that can do nearly everything a computer can!" "Oh cool! How big are you going to make it?" "Oh, about this big. I could make it any size I want, since it runs on pure magic, but I just feel that this is a good size."
Llama_Face89 34
Damn nice ink.
HybridWhiteboy 0
I like your tattoos :)
daysleeper666 1
hahahahahahaha! 50 just made my day.
Kap10 0
Yoo tats make youu stand out theree koooo dont let no one put u doown kus of emm:].
saam26 0
I bet you have Cs and nice tatts
HeavyScout 0
200- Could you translate that into English please?
trefizzle24 1
Wow I'm not a grammar nazi but c'mon seriously!!!!
angeorange 0
You look like you have an A cup lololll.
8313girl 28
Yeah I've gotten so drunk that I've lost my phone in my cleavage. Completely forget it's there and after 30 minutes of searching, someone finally decides to call it and my boobs vibrate. It can happen.
lil_juggalette 15
what about triple D's ;)
BIGBOY4rmAHM 19
Do you have a phone from the 80's?
ilikeemsmall 4
No, she has boobs from the early 2000's
Sammiches 12
Denied!
YessyxD 8
8 - ROTFLMFAO!!!!! you just made my day!
stangbabyxo4 7
Maybe it's time for a smaller phone! :)
Grimmerie 31
or a boob job.
eharmonee 0
Dude I freaking love your turtle(: haha
bizarre_ftw 22
53 - so do I! 35 - well one would only help her hide her phone, the other would help her keep her phone & then text all the shallow guys lining up to 'date' her. Which one would you choose? (personally I prefer the double duty option. Or to simplify: idea DD)
HideouslyHuman 10
Hey high five for posting the sane idea at the same time!
HideouslyHuman 10
Invest in a smaller cellphone...
HideouslyHuman 10
You know,this is probably going to be thumbed down a ton because I said "Invest in..."
Llama_Face89 34
Or OP could invest in a boob job to to better hide her phone. Option A may be cheaper though. :P
HideouslyHuman 10
I almost added that info but I was afraid of feedback I would get.. :-P
bunnixbrutality 5
Srsly? God insted if that why not put it in your pants. Unless hes just... Into that he wouldnt get it
MyLifeIsAverageS 5
That was pretty stupid. why was your dad looking there?
crinx034 0
Maybe because he saw a huge square bump in her chest area, just a guess though...
matt120784 0
Because boobs are boobs and he's a guy?
nitewlf12 10
40- Ew. That comment requires no response. That's just gross and not worth even considering.
whydoyoufear 2
You do realize he's her dad? Unless you dig incest.
Llama_Face89 34
40- dude...she's his daughter...you have to be pretty messed up to be checking out one of your children.
bizarre_ftw 22
The worst part is it does actually happen
Llama_Face89 34
43- why'd you respond then?
castrosabeast 7
Biggest d bag little kid ever!
Adman567 9
Haha. Grow your balls, try hard bieber.
HideouslyHuman 10
I like how I can tell Adman's comment was meant for the other number 5.
MyLifeIsWierd 12
Its OPs dad not OPs step dad..
castrosabeast 7
I hate you.
iEthan 5
Haaa. Grow those puppies(:
Kendall_Cali97 8
How old are you? And WHY was your dad looking there...? Perv
hailphire130 0
Oh yes, he just had to be directly looking at her boobs. He couldn't of seen an unusual black object out of the corner of his eye and glanced at it, seeing that it was her cell phone. Also, I doubt that he'd get a sexual rush out of seeing his daughter's ****.
huskersrule2010 4
Sadly some dads would get a sexual rush from that
HentaiBunny 4
You're a pro.
matt5217 4
I bet you could hide your phone fine there 59
zyxwvutsrqponmlk_fml 0
Your logic is flawed, her phone might well go with her dad everywhere if it got taken, or he may turn it off, or put it on silent, or put it in a locked compartment, or simply get rid of it, depending on the type of parent OP's father is.
akayc32 0
Or quit getting in trouble and take the punishment when you deserve it? Since living without a cell phone isn't exactly cruel and unusual punishment.
akayc32 0
Last comment was meant for post 6...
Ray9889 8
I don't see how that would help her? Ok so he "loses" her phone. If he can take it away. I'm pretty sure he is the one who bought for her. So chances are if he gets her another one he'll just get her a cheap one and not a state of the art phone. And let's say she does get a new phone? Either way, I doubt he will lift her punishment so she will still need to wait. Wouldn't it be the same to just give him the phone and wait for the punishment to be over? Leaves her in the same position pretty much.
drawmesunshine 17
If I was a parent, I'd turn it off before I hid it. Then my punk-ass thief of a daughter can't con me into buying her new one. Which would be ****** up on her part, if I may so bold to say.
TypicuL 0
Bad idea...what if when he's holding it one of her friends texts something rather..."explicit". Now how awkward would that be? Lol
dabowlingman 14
Wow just wow
ducttapewallet 7
Tl; dr.
fml8396 0
I feel like you just told me a story I really didn't want to read.
ChibiGirl5 0
Haha that sounds like something I would do
ImaginaryFoe 1
Do you live in a sitcom where this would actually work? Or are your parents that stupid? How about "don't do shit that gets your phone confiscated"? Much better strategy. Or try showing your parents you're worthy of their respect and trust. If my kid tried this stunt on me I'd just restrict her phone use through the company.
wolfgirl18 3
I did that when I was a kid but they had turned it off.
HideouslyHuman 10
Comment Moderated by OP.
Clozzie 0
I can and im 13! 30B rules
hsnorthjonathan 6
Because we all needed to know the size of your boobs......
sunflower226 0
ya...13, 30B, and two rolls of charmin!!!
TheBeastiest 6
Her immaturity made he thing that this would make a good comment
ihavenosoul 4
30b would be about a 34aa...
Neonnight 0
Hey I am 12 and I got 38B
LydiaTankian 6
I wouldn't brag about that :/
eharmonee 0
Dude 30b is small haha and the number just represents the size around your rib cage lol the smaller that number is typically the smaller boobs you have just because you are a small person.
vampire1618 5
Lol I bet that's a small cellphone then since I'm 34B and can't hide my IPhone non-awkwardly. Also, you're 13, stop posting about your breast size. Not many care to hear that from a middle schooler.
Palirose 22
Just saying there ARE little girls with very big breasts....some girls develop very soon and overboard. My Sis is going to be 13 this month and she's DD -.- I'm not even that big and I'm going to be 20 soon, I'm D. Age doesn't really have a huge factor in how big you will be. Just saying.
deviable 9
I don't think she was wearing a vest.
elephantcrazy 7
True I was a D by 13
deviable 9
Why does fml keep messin up the numbers?
JinxosGirl87 0
I highly doubt those girls with the big boobs are 105 lbs...probably a bit over weight :P
bitchimawesome 0
no when I was 13 I had DD boobs an was 97 pounds yes I was underweight I hated how big my boobs were cuz theyed hit my face all the taime and got in the way
DoubleDose 0
More like invest in bigger boobs
iloveeyouuxD 9
My friend is still 12 and wears a double d. Get over your self
GraceKathryn97 0
Wow! Good to know...NOT!!! No one cares If ur 13 and have big boobs...don't b a ho.
GraceKathryn97 0
Wow good to know...NOT!!!! No one cares if ur 13 and have big boobs...dont be a ho!
Llama_Face89 34
Unless you're at least 18 I really couldn't care less. :
Llama_Face89 34
26- that's why your profile says 15?
happy_dino 6
Hey 26, I don't think the man boobs actually count! And that is not actually something to proud of. I'm older than you and let's just say even my friend have smaller chests than that! That is honestly disgusting and repulsive and it sounds like you do not respect yourself if you are comfortable saying that kind of stuff on a public, international on line website!
Nerry_fml 0
Umm. Aren't you supposed to be 17 or older to use fml? Lol
zombiekitten87 12
38B would mean you are a) fat with extremely small breasts for your size b) have a giant ribcage and disproportionately small breasts or c) too stupid to know how bra sizes work and are lying.
zombiekitten87 12
7- no one needs/wants to know that.
punkin_26 16
This is for all the kids that are posting their bra size. Don't be so proud to have big breasts. When you get older you will realize the health problems they pose. And I'm sure you are already aware of the fact that they get you a lot of unwanted attention. I feel sorry for the 13 year olds with DD's. I would be asking my parents for a breast reduction at that point.
UsernameInCanada 7
30B's are pretty small, so I don't know why your happy and taunting when you probably can't do it with most cell phones.
xNephilim 19
It's not that big of a deal to have big boobs at a young age and health wise... Back problems. That's it.
sunflower226 0
of all the places to hide a phone...you choose your under-developed boobs? really? judging by that thought process and the itty bitty titty committee membership, I'd estimate your age at...11?
ShyAnn29 15
Some women have small boobs in there 20s, so just because she has small boobs, doesn't mean she's that young
ban_anaa 0
She must be pretty young if her dad is able to confiscate her phone, don't you think?
ShyAnn29 15
160 that's true
meggo91 9
I agree I'm 20 and have small breast but got a ass
thehalfelf 2
Ahahaha itty bitty titty committe That's great
sunflower226 0
no, but it does mean she's that stupid. hide it in your boobs? really? why not in your pocket, or sit on it, or under a cushion?