Today, to keep me from "getting fatter", my roommate raided the kitchen. She ate everything from cookies and ice cream to deli meat. The only thing left in the house are vegetables. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came back to my apartment to see that my roommate had left out bread, deli meat, and cheese on the counter, so I made myself a sandwich. When she came back, she informed me that she found bugs in the fridge and took out all the food she thought would be contaminated. FML
Today, I told my roommate that I was trying to lose weight, so she kindly removed all the junk food from the kitchen. I just found it all hidden under her bed. Apparently, she didn’t trust me enough to resist temptation, and she was absolutely correct. FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan after watching a PETA video. She began this new-found lifestyle by throwing out all of the non-vegan items in the house, including some prime rib we had recently purchased, all of our ice cream, and my chocolate stash. FML
Today, surprisingly, my roommate made a nice meal. Within an hour, I started throwing up. When I confronted her, she confessed that she'd used long expired ingredients, including meat, because she didn't want the garbage men to think she's "the type that wastes food." FML
Today, I moved in with my new roommate. She's a vegetarian, and won't let me put my meat in the fridge because it will "contaminate her food". FML
Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML
Today, I came back to my dorm to find my roommate forgot to get rid of her massive amounts of cheese before break. She did, however, remember to unplug the refrigerator. FML
Today, as usual, I got home to find that my roommate had eaten all my groceries and left a mess behind for me to clean. To be fair, this time she did some cleaning - she "energy cleansed" my room with a sage wand, burning a huge hole in my mattress in the process. FML
Today, my roommate was packing up her kitchen stuff as she prepared to move out. Apparently that included the majority of things I bought last week to replace all of her stuff she is taking. FML
Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML
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Top comments
mozeltov 7
See, that's what I do to help me lose weight, eat all the unhealthy stuff, and leave the healthy stuff for me to eat later
cBlackout 13
Time to plot your revenge over a nice carrot.
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Comments (130)
nalia18 8
Good excuse to eat comfort food so no one knows
LiveLaughFML 10
hang out poolside while eating a carrot with Bugs Bunny! =)
ripgeorgecarl1n 7
Sometimes I do that after watching a marathon of Epic Meal Time.
enonymous 9
Monster Shit Countdown T-minus 6 hours...
exleonhart 0
Am I the only one that's worried about the roommate and not OP? She at a kitchens worth of food!
exleonhart 0
Oh man thumbs down for writing at instead of ate. :(
SCREAM4meeee 0
OP you should appreciate that your roommate is looking out for you. Wouldn't want you getting fat! :)
EvilPotato 15
1 actually I'd say it's a pretty bad excuse.
fml8396 0
Your pic is so wrong...
holeyman 8
Your pic kicks ass
scrapmetal58 9
And vegetables are bad? If you have that much junk food, you really should eat the vegetables. Unless of course you don't eat much junk food and your roommate is the cookie monster.
PlasmaPorter 12
Unlike some people, my dad rAised me correctly. I don't always eat ice cream or cookies or other bullshit like that unless it's a special occasion. Some people complaining... broccoli is good if it is steamed and so are brussel sprouts. Some people don't know how lucky then have it to get to have that BS. I for one do not prefer sweets. :D
mozeltov 7
See, that's what I do to help me lose weight, eat all the unhealthy stuff, and leave the healthy stuff for me to eat later
exleonhart 0
Cool story bro.
CrazyManNo9 29
Epic Win!
H3YG1RL 0
You see, well the problem with your solution is that I live with a certified-holistic-nutritionist (a crazy health nut)-of-a-mother who won't let me bring any junk food in the house. My life is an FML. :(
Llama_Face89 34
79- look at it this way, you'll be healthier in the long run. *bites into a Hostess Donette*
GVirdi 11
Tbh ice cream and mcdonalds for breakfast is naustay :3
aimbug 42
Me too!
NeatNit 33
That actually works. Good luck with your new forced diet!
sandyandellie 5
at least ops roommate is fatter in comparison....
luohar 6
She did you a huge favour!
cBlackout 13
Time to plot your revenge over a nice carrot.
Grimmerie 31
open her up and take your food back. it's already partly digested for easier eating!
Corgidan 12
You don't understand America.
Grimmerie 31
eating partly digested food sums up america pretty well, i think. lack of effort + eating = **** yeah!
F0xyTurtle 8
Time to get the plunger!!
CHOMP3R 0
Vegetables are good for you. Don't complain…
aeshleyrose 6
I see your point 74 but the "good stuff" which should only be an occasional treat usually makes up the majority of an average diet. I'm not saying her roomie should be forcing her into veganism, but it can't be denied that it's healthier in some cases. Plus unless her roommate is a total psycho I doubt she did it for no reason ;)
umphalumphagus 0
But they're gross :( :{)
diceplaya 12
Don't worry, eating all that has consequences upon your body. Think of it as karma :)
eharmonee 0
You did reply to number 5 dork lol
ohSNAPyall 27
Two #5s? My mind is blown.
maddiester 5
eating it all is a bit extreme- but I usually just hide it.
HannahLouise96 13
*Buy Learn to spell, dumbass.
HannahLouise96 13
Oops, I meant this as a reply to the guy below. Herp-a-derp.
LiveLaughFML 10
even if you meant it for the person below, there's no reason for you to lable them as "dumbass" because they mispelled one word.
RetardedBullFrog 4
Yeah, that was a bit too mean.
RetardedBullFrog 4
See you later BK, nice knowing you.
HannahLouise96 13
Maybe that was a bit mean, but did the person who mispelled the word need to label OP a 'fatass'?
HannahLouise96 13
I apologize if I've offended anyone, it wasn't my intention. :( It just annoys me when people throw insults around, and 'buy' is not exactly a hard word to spell correctly.
MegaTroller_fml 5
#28 - It was still completely superfluous to do that.
astonmartin007 4
Thanks for moderating a good point
aimbug 42
You yourself just threw an insult around?
Zmeilerr 22
Your weight should be none of her concern. I would personally make her pay the next grocery bill, seeing as you have nothing to eat, and she's eaten just about all of it.
gleeklove 2
I have a feeling that she's fatter than you.