Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML
Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML
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Top comments
WinterPerfection 3
What if the spine wasn't flexible?!
FriskyTaco 0
he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??
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Comments (336)
steierr 7
hahahaha fail :)
yummycupkake 0
haha, that reminds me of the evil ferret who didn't know when to stfu from Scary Movie 2 :D
bennetts211 2
Who the hell told you bending it backwards would be a good idea!?
oreobunbun 3
Santa
comepoopwithme 0
at least its back didnt break!
luna4545 4
umm 7... that was a parrot not a ferret
yummycupkake 0
oh
daBeast155 0
ferrets: nature's slinky
Klums02 0
You know, when they say it's flexible, it doesn't mean the ferret likes being bent...
adropofpeace 8
So actually, it was the ferret who farted, not the dog... Silly boyfriend needs to get his facts straight.
Newboyz00185 0
At least he didn't spank it in the bathroom
kyarush 10
bwahahaha! get pooped on
Drigr 9
i was expecting "so I bent it backwards and killed it"
scarletdragonfly 5
131 - I know, I was expecting a more tragic ending. But that's hilarious! ;D
KiddNYC1O 22
LOL at #7's epic fail.
whitesox365 0
op seems like the kind of person that would poke a hibernating bear with a sharp stick because she 'heard they were soft'.
taytay6510 6
you just got owned by a ferret..with a flexible spine and anus.
leprechaun23 15
how do u message someone on FML
ferrettamer 6
That wasn't nice! :(
OfficialxAmber 0
122 - Are you referring to a previous FML? x) Win.
zuzupetalsYO 11
yer mean :( this is the ferrets FML
WinterPerfection 3
What if the spine wasn't flexible?!
failpie 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
every spine on anything that can bend is flexible.
bennetts211 2
The brother would have had a broken ferret.
MrSassypants 34
Talk about bending over backwards.
WiteBoyThatCan 0
then the ferret would have farted and then died..
katieklein 0
Note to self: never let the OP have a pet! she might break it!
RainbowHeadache 2
All spines are flexible to a degree but no animal likes to be bent backwards. Putting them upside down like that freaks them out, then adding a pressure to their spine on top of being upside down would just make them into little psychopaths. They're only trying to protect themselves :[
Rickilynn1 10
I have 2 ferrets. Their spines are flexible, just not backwards (:. poor ferret :(
nilin95 1
I love ferrets I had 2 i missum had to give them to the kennel cuz I was moving and they couldn't handle the stress.
kenji212 8
lol bye bye birdie!
BigWiggly 0
You silly muffin, we're talking about Ferrrets, not birds.
WesRebirth 0
that's how I protect myself, I fart.... it scares away predators.
thechief50 0
a ferret isn't a bird.... it's like a wessel
RemusJLupin 8
I was worried about that
NAU_future 7
OP, what in the world made you think bending the ******* f
NAU_future 7
shit. let's actually end this comment.. Ferret backwards would be a good idea, and that he would enjoy being bent in half. Were you hoping he would happily dance away? Maybe singing you a song? Good lord YDI.
Jacobt24 19
And also I'm pretty sure that they aren't really flexible that way, just more side-to-side.
docscientist 10
Being stupid would convince op.
rkurdek 4
probably
leprechaun23 15
wat does OP stand for
kocoman500 2
OP stands for Original Poster (person who posted the FML)
NAU_future 7
Dammit 222, do you know the amount of fun we could have had?? A perfect opportunity to mess with a new person, ruined. Haha but glad to see there are still helpful people out there.
davids23 0
What is OP mean
Fireashes250 16
Orange platypus.
FriskyTaco 0
he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??
CryMoreFMLs 15
**** you OP. I have 3 sweet ferrets all of whom adore me. What in fuckung christ's name would make you even THINK about that?!?! ******* moron I hope someone bends you backwards and lets see if YOU enjoy it.
heilheather 7
^very passionate about ferrets
CryMoreFMLs 15
Damn right I am.
BkkMan13 0
Me gusta?
alexg823 0
y u not know this meme?!?!
itsmeppl 0
I agree wholeheartedly he should nt tyr ta freaking KILL IT ohhhhh animal cruelty gets me so mad!!!!
frozenshake 5
whenever I hear animal fmls I always hope it doesn't end with the animal hurt D: I want a ferret :3 but my cat or dog would probably eat it D:
ByteCarter97 0
don't they have a smell and they're all oily?
ndvorsky 4
Animal cruelty is only when the animal is hurt physically or emotionally. No ferrets were hurt in the making of this FML. If you hear an animal is smart it is not an attempt at killing it if you make the animal since a puzzle for some food (if this makes no sense to you then disregard it) bending a ferret does not hurt them I've seen people tie a ferret in a knot and it was fine.
countrygirl30 14
At least it just farted and didn't die
cre8or99 0
FOURTH!!
FriskyTaco 0
lolz
grapist 0
lawlz
shift_love 13
fifth? wut teh hell lol
grapist 0
4th!
shift_love 13
you're sixth. the other guy was 5th. wtf is going on here. oh yea. don't bend animals. it's not nice lol
iAmScrubs 19
It's like one of those poor quality toys that are made using the worst materials but advertised to be the most fun thing ever. "Ferret Bend! Bend the ferret in any direction you like, BUT WATCH OUT because if you bend it too much, it will fart on you."
GreenMaze 0
is the ferret okay?
phreshboi 1
humans have flexible spines too, doesn't mean you go around bending people backs...
minidinosaurgoes 9
i sang the pokemon theme with you :D
MarkFeehily 0
Win!!
plum_lovin 28
Wow, idk about that but... that's pretty retarded of her to do that. I mean if I told you I was a gymnast and that I was flexible that doesn't mean I want you to bend me backwards because I would probably punch you in the face too..
plum_lovin 28
Wow, idk about that but... that's pretty retarded of her to do that. I mean if I told her I was a gymnast and was flexible I wouldn't want her to bend me backwards, and I would punch her in the face too.
amazinglyHappy 6
Ohhh, your spine might be flexible?? wanna try that one?
WiteBoyThatCan 0
no, I just want to have sex with you
zojieeu 6
you should watch "Lolita in the library" it is a good movie :D
BigHoshJosh 0
for a second I thought you said you were gonna kill it! that wouldn't have been good..
Saltime 0
Now, let's see if you like being bent backwards until your spine is on the verge of snapping.