Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML
Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML
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Top comments
WinterPerfection 3
What if the spine wasn't flexible?!
FriskyTaco 0
he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??
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Comments (336)
onthetoilet 3
that's great it made my day
DocBastard 40
I'm assuming "bend the ferret backwards" is a euphemism for masturbation, and you just farted on yourself. Right? Right?
HannahForbesxo 13
His brother got the ferret, so he wanked his brother off! To each, their own I suppose. Haha look at all these silly people thinking that OP means the animal. Gosh.
Roskosity 22
Hahaha. Awesome.
FruityLoooons 8
Right? Why would anyone in their right mind do that? -__-
NYkid2K8 5
Poor ferret. Why would you bend it backwards??
HannahForbesxo 13
*Facepalm* OP you must have minute if any, common sense at all. I don't even understand what could have possibly been going through your head when you thought that it sounded like a good idea.
mexicant2011 0
dayummm
khaya 9
Do not ever give a man a hand job.
WiteBoyThatCan 0
lol Chang you're so funny
fthku 13
People who think they can do anything to their pets just because it's cute and funny to us are the reason pets get aggressive in the first place. If you'd mess with your friendssiblings the same way some people do with their pets half the time it would probably end up with a punch to the face.
Spork_Dork 3
What's wrong with you? Why would you ever bend it backwards? I'm serious, I find this FML very sickening.
leopardprint89 0
Good job.
_Oblivion_ 12
did ya think ur gunna tickle it by bending its back? i hope it ***** in ur mouth when u sleep.