Today, I wanted to rub my success in my ex's face to get her back for breaking my heart. I typed the perfect email, included every detail of opening my own business, buying my own home and cleverly intertwined insults. A few hours later, she replied, "That’s nice. Who’s this?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I felt like letting my ex know just how I felt about all the bullshit he put me through. I dug up his number, typed a long paragraph with lots of pain and emotion, and sent it. The reply was, "No wonder he broke up with you." Thanks, whoever has that number now. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend sent me an email. I was excited that she wanted to make amends for cheating on me before I dumped her. No, the email had a photo of her making out with the guy she cheated on me with, and the caption, "What you wish you still had". FML
Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML
Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity, I sent him a song I'd written for him, about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him, claiming he had written it. They're now back together. FML
Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML
Today, I received a "Happy Birthday" text from my ex. I thought maybe she missed me, but when I replied with a polite, "Thank you," they responded with "Sorry, wrong person. However, fuck you." Ouch. Happy birthday to me, indeed. FML
Today, an annoying ex-coworker I have ignored for 15 years sent me an e-mail to "inform me of her new address." The e-mail actually enclosed a video of her touring the new house and garden like a realtor. I skipped to the end where she humblebrags about how "grateful" she is "to be blessed with this property." FML
Today, my wife’s ex-boyfriend sent me a message with a screenshot of her trying to get in touch with him. FML
Today, I sent a screenshot of my ex’s new partner to my best friend with a caption saying, “She looks like a melted candle.” Of course, I sent it directly to my ex. He replied with, “She’s right next to me.” FML
Today, I sent the texts "I love and miss you babe ;)" and "Shit wrong person" to my ex just so he would think I have a life. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
You wrote a whole essay, yet she delivered a sick burn in four words. No wonder she dumped you!
lifeis4me 20
You can’t rub anything in their face if you’re that desperate for them to notice
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Comments (13)
RichardPencil 32
You wrote a whole essay, yet she delivered a sick burn in four words. No wonder she dumped you!
lifeis4me 20
You can’t rub anything in their face if you’re that desperate for them to notice
awildwhisper 30
She's moved on, I think you should too...
RichardPencil 32
It's more likely she may have had a passing acquaintance with him or not known him at all, and he's just a delusional stalker.
wysegirl 24
Sounds like it. He sounds extremely desperate and bitter. Instead the positive outlook should be viewed: getting dumped propelled you to excel and become something.
Lydmyers 9
That's kinda pathetic, dude. It's pretty clear she has, and she doesn't care how successful you are. Move on!
Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15
wow how petty at least we know why she's your ex
BurnInDemonFire 39
Cause of death: Extreme burn. Evidence suggests cadaver suffered an instantaneous and brutal burn to 100% of his body as a result of being a spoilt dick. I have reached out to colleagues asking for a cure, but I have been informed that burns caused by being a dick are always immediately fatal. Formal identification of the body has yet to take place, as the parents are too disappointed to claim it, and the ex-girlfriend is still clueless as to who he was. In my non-professional opinion, it would appear prudent to not be a self-centered dick, as karma will always find a way to bite you in the ass.
IamComrade 16
You're what's wrong with this world, leave people alone.
J15237 25
Time to move on. I am glad you found something to motivate yourself to go and make it in the world and become a success. However, you made this girl into an obsession and I hope that you are able to learn from this stupid FML posting. I also hope that you keep up all your success.
Amanda G Rich 23
sounds like you're still hung up on them. maybe try to move on some more
AmbrosiaFan 19
Serves you right... How long ago was she an ex?