Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML
Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML
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Top comments
WinterPerfection 3
What if the spine wasn't flexible?!
FriskyTaco 0
he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??
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Comments (336)
Kylias 6
You took a living animal which is famous for being incredibly vicious and biting and clawing people and decided to make it bend, and you thought it wasn't going to do anything? ... Herp.
rofflewaffle 9
Famous for being vicious? Ha. I have two ferrets who have never bitten anyone, even as pups. They're cute and sleepy little fluffweasels.
massnerder420 4
@ 146, do you not know why ferrets are illegal in the state of california? google it. ferrets will **** you up.
massnerder420 4
@ 146, do you not know why ferrets are illegal in the state of california? google it. ferrets will **** you up.
sonangedemusique 2
Ferrets only do those things if they are not raised and trained properly. They are not vicious at all. That is just how they play with each other; they play rough and if you don't teach them that this isn't okay, then it's your own stupid fault if you get "****** up" by a ferret.
rofflewaffle 9
I know that they're illegal because they're related to weasels and polecats, which are pest animals that can prey on local fauna. I live in California with my two bandits, and as I said, even when they were untrained babies they never bit. Only a very hungry or poorly trained ferret could do damage to a human. They have very high pain tolerance, so that's why they roughhouse and bite each other, but every ferret I've met has known not to bite people. And the only reason they would scratch or bite is if they felt threatened (like the case with OP) or were in pain.
Kylias 6
238, OP's brother just got the ferret, so it could've been untrained. It's hard to tell if this one was untrained based on the FML, because I'm pretty sure if you bent even a tame ferret backward it would be pissed.
sonangedemusique 2
I know. My comment was in response to people saying that ferrets are vicious and mean animals. OP's brother's ferret was obviously just reacting in self defense.
Cenobyte 10
Even trained animals may behave unpredictably when they feel threatened. That's why it's a good idea to treat even the most harmless looking ones with respect.
iSurf_fml 8
They're not like rulers. You're lucky he didn't jump on your face with hid mouth open. That's when they're really pissed.
iSurf_fml 8
Damn....his.
Calyx_fml 22
It's not a plant stupid. Ferrets also have nerves and emotions. Be gentle with animals smaller than you. YDI
fadingfaith 4
Agreed. And not only with smaller animals, big animals deserve respect too.
LikeaPRESIDENT 0
how would you like it of someone bended you?
thetrollyoulike 6
Maybe if you say it 3 more times someone will like the comment again! lol I'm sorry I can't control my trolling.
thetrollyoulike 6
wait... it repeated me too... sorry I trolled you...
LikeaPRESIDENT 0
how would you like it of someone bended you?
LikeaPRESIDENT 0
how would you like it of someone bended you?
xGraycloud 4
fail...
_gods_will_ 0
bended... hmmm... maybe the word you were searching for and so obviously failed to find in that empty cavern of a head was 'bent'?
LikeaPRESIDENT 0
jeez it was a spell mistake
LikeaPRESIDENT 0
how would you like it of someone bended you?
brandi_1387 4
Dumbass...
effarve 2
flexible yes, stretch armstrong ..no ... and what the hell would you do if someone picked you up and tried to break your back! ill bet youd atleast fart, and try to get the hell away!
Susieee_Q 9
What is it with people being so gullible with their siblings? Have you not learned anything?