Today, my brother got a pet ferret. He told me it had a flexible spine, so I bent it backwards. It farted, and clawed my face. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after applying for a job at the local pet store, I picked up a ferret. It began licking my cheek, causing me to turn my head. It then latched onto my ear and hung like a giant furry hoop earring. I screamed, then quietly left the building. FML
Today, my brother tried to sit on my head and fart, except he followed through. It didn’t make it past his trousers but for a few brief seconds before he ran to the bathroom I could smell it and feel how warm it was. FML
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML
Today, I thought it'd be funny to knee my sister's ass as she was bending over. What I didn't realise was that she was trying to pick up a spider. In shock, she threw it in the air and it landed on my chest. I ran into a wall trying to get it off. FML
Today, I saw my little brother playing with my new kitten. He is only five and isn't very gentle so I took the cat away and told him "You can't play with the cat! I don't think he likes you very much!" in a joking tone. The cat then bit and clawed my face. FML
Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML
Today, my brother's new kitten decided to bring me a gift as a sign of love. It was my pet hamster. FML
Today, I found out that my little brother has been rubbing my toothbrush in dog shit for the last month because I accidentally broke one of his toys. FML
Today, I walked in on my little brother making a Devil's trap so he could capture the demon he thinks is possessing my hamster. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
WinterPerfection 3
What if the spine wasn't flexible?!
FriskyTaco 0
he told you it had a flexible spine so you tried to kill it??
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (336)
dcaruso 1
I'm not even sorry to say u fucken deserve it. and to be honest the end result of ur fml was better than I expected.
HussREC 6
why the **** would you bend a ferret backwards Lol
UnicornHunter 12
What a bitch. Probably meant he was flexible, not rubber. Idiot.
runningoff 0
why would you bend it backwards.
shelbers04 0
that wasn't smart. at all
extradorkyloser 4
I wouldn't have bent it backwards! Sheesh. That comment would have just made me pay attention to how it moves and maybe admire it for it's flexibility. But, not bend it. Sounds kinda cruel. You're obviously not an animal person.
franticravyn 7
Curiousity almost killed the ferret…
baseballlegitly0 2
well at least u diddnt kill him
nerdsgetmehot 23
You bent the ferret's spine backwards? Kid, you got off easy. You deserve it.
Calyx_fml 22
I'd fart and claw you face too if you tried to bend my flexible spine backwards. YDI