Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't like cuddling in bed because he hates rebreathing his own carbon dioxide. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Thrashing
Today, I asked my boyfriend why he never wants to sleepover anymore. He said he loves me, but that sleeping next to me is like sleeping next to someone reenacting the crucifixion while being mauled to death by squirrels. So much for cuddling through the night. FML
Today, my boyfriend informed me that sharing a bed with me was like sleeping with a seizing cat. FML
Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML
Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML
Class act
Today, I hung out with my boyfriend for the first time in two weeks. We were cuddling on the couch when he suddenly stands up. I thought he was going to hug me, but then he turned around, pinned my shoulders back so I couldn't move, and farted in my face. FML
Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me that he hasn't showered in over a week, because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
Today, my boyfriend endearingly told me that he's been taking advantage of my inability to smell due to a head cold, and he's been farting around me whenever he pleases. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were lying in bed together, and I was in a snuggly mood. I rolled over to gaze lovingly into his eyes and whisper sweet nothings to him in the darkness. His response? "Dear God! Did somebody fart in your mouth?!" FML
Who are these people ?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that he hasn't showered in over a week because he "doesn't like to be wet." FML
Top comments
xx000o 27
Inform him that the couch is a CO2 free zone.
TrippingOnAcid 29
Have him be little spoon
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Comments (56)
JMichael 26
Not sure if legitimate excuse or really doesn't want to cuddle.
TheCookieComet 23
Maybe both?
NeatNit 33
If it's a legitimate reason it has to mean that he doesn't like to cuddle, so it's either both or the latter ;) On a side-note, I also hate rebreathing my own breath. What comes out shouldn't go back in! (it's a lot worse with others' breath, of course)
lexa1love 16
I think that it is partially a legitimate excuse. I have asthma and usually hate having my face covered by anything (even a sheet) if it makes me feel like I'm breathing in my own air/less air. However, there are plenty of other ways to cuddle someone. So maybe a certain position or two is off the table but there should still be plenty of options.
FamilyAngel 4
Yea, really abominable.
MrsDruidess 23
I agree with everyone else, it is a legitimate reason. I cant stand it most of the time. The only person I can not panic with is my son, for some reason his and my air is almost fine with me, it doesn't make me want to fling myself away and gasp for breath. However, he can always be the little spoon, no rebreath there.
xx000o 27
Inform him that the couch is a CO2 free zone.
ZeusBeDubsteppin 24
tell him to turn his face..
crudeandrudeguy 29
I have to admit that the same thing ruins cuddling for me. I know it sounds stupid but it makes me feel claustrophobic... Everyone has their strange little quirks.
potionowl 25
That's just a little extreme. If the boyfriend is anything like me, rebreathing his own air might make him feel like he's suffocating. It's warm, stale air and my body goes into panic mode if I don't get "fresh" air. I realize it's all mental, but it doesn't make the feeling go away, and it's not a fun feeling.
FEATHDUCK 19
Also, if he owns the house it isn't really for her to tell him off.
Soninuva 41
Because the presence of someone else is somehow going to increase HIS carbon dioxide output?
dannnngthatsux 19
It's his input that he's worries about, not output.
oliv34 11
lol worries, and yea i dont think you read it right
Friaza 29
Whenever I read these kind of couples FML, I can't help but feel we're missing context clues about the relationship ._. I guess aside from this huge and obvious flaw, he's a swell guy, right?
leogachi 15
@4 How is this a huge and obvious flaw? As far as flaws go, I'd say this is small.
TrippingOnAcid 29
Have him be little spoon
SubparAtBest 23
Always a nice change ^-^
onlychildFTW 34
Girls like being the big spoon?
shmoooopie 29
I prefer to spoon the guy so I don't have to spend the night with a boner pressed against me
Dick_diamond 22
Boner doesn't have to be pressed against you. There's a nice warm wet place made just for them...
sarcasmwins 24
I love being the big spoon, plus I can roll out of it if I get uncomfortable. With being the little spoon, on most occasions, I have to contend with an arm and leg before rolling out of that one.
MandieL 27
I don't like being the big spoon because I don't like the warm farts all night. But my husbands idea of cuddling is him putting his head on my stomach so I can tickle his back lol.
SookyLala 13
because when your face is so close to someone youre pretty much doing just that and it can sometimes feel uncomfortable.
HonestlyVirgoHonesty 7
That's the reason I don't like it as well. And I don't want to smell anyone else's breath all night🤮
mattiscg 22
doesnt he realize that he is rebreathing his own cardon dioxide all the time?
dannnngthatsux 19
Thank you matti! To avoid ever doing that you have to move location after every breath.
MikeonFML 17
There are only so many ways your head can comfortably be positioned while cuddling from behind, and oft they leave you with female hair or body reflecting your own breath back in your direction.
UndeadFML 22
Make him little spoon, and if he complains then, buy an air tank.
chaseafterwind82 29
Is your boyfriend Mr Spock?
Airshock22 11
Are you dating Sheldon Cooper?
jerzjay 17
Sheldon cooper is too smart to know that that is not viable excuse
olillia 16
Actually this is so something Sheldon Cooper would say as he's germaphobic