Today, my boyfriend stayed over at my place for the first time. I left him in the bedroom for a couple of minutes while I used the toilet, and when I came back, he was holding my vibrator. He angrily asked me, "What the hell is this? You know this is cheating, right?" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend dumped me for "cheating" on him by using a vibrator. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend secretly using my hair straightener while I was in the other room. Too embarrassed to talk to him about it, I left and came back later, only to discover him slipping on a pair of my panties. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Today, my otherwise lovely boyfriend of a month showed his true colors. He freaked out when he learned that I use tampons instead of pads. He yelled that using them is like cheating on him, because his penis is the only thing that should ever enter me. FML
Today, I came home to find my boyfriend playing with himself. He got mad and said I "killed the mood". How? By coming home. FML
Today, I was having phone sex with my boyfriend. Trying to be sexy, I told him what I was doing with my vibrator. I heard a loud bang, followed by him shouting, "Why don't you just fucking marry it, then?!" and then hanging up. FML
Today, my boyfriend asked me to use a sex toy on him. Am I in the wrong relationship? FML
Today, I suspected something was up when my boyfriend snuck out of bed after he thought I fell asleep. I caught him jerking to porn in the living room and got really upset. He actually got mad, saying, "I have needs and you never put out and get bitchy when I try." FML
Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment for the first time, only to see another girl walking out. I accused her of cheating with him and we got into a fight. Turns out I was at the wrong apartment. He lives next door. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
I hope you pointed angrily at his hand.
chocolatefrog28 29
Tell him he's actually the other man, and you're already in a meaningful relationship with your vibrator but you're willing to be friends with benefits.
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Comments (205)
dingleberrysteve 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
just means he doesnt have to try as hard
Rag_dollxx 21
Good luck keeping a girlfriend.
Soloman212 28
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why is everyone thumbing this guy down?! He's right! And are you saying anyone who let's their girlfriend keep a vibrator won't have one for long?
Palirose 22
#159, you do realize that's preposterous...right? If's just a sex toy meant to be used for pleasure. It's not cheating in any way.
LCPLStewie 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I agree! this guy's actually pretty much right on, Vibrates and jacking off is considered cheating in my book.... He should rethink how he brought it up though because he isn't going to have a girlfriend much longer if he keeps that shit up..
hashshim 23
How dare you engage in an entirely natural sexual activity?? What if you leave me for yourself?! /sarcasm
LCPLStewie 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's natural? using a machine to get sexual pleasure? sorry but when it comes to intimacy every one has their views from my stand point I don't think it's right... we all have our opinions. All I really was getting across was that the OP's (former?) boyfreind shouldn't ever of gotten mad about it... especially if they never discussed the topic... getting angry over that? not worth it
Welshite 40
I hope you pointed angrily at his hand.
iLike2Teabag 27
Yea. Rightie feeds him, dresses him, spend every waking moment with him, all on top of doing sexual favours for him. If that's not cheating (by his logic) I don't know what is.
babygurll19 10
Or leftie... let's not be right supremists
logic368 8
Yeah, we must fight for equal civil rights.
TwiztedYuri 9
you mean for our civil hands... cause we cant leave the lefts out of it
itstrishabtw 13
at first I didn't understand but now I do
LegalLoitering 12
Hey, maybe he's ambidextrous.
StillUsesMyspace 22
No one Is bi-handual #115, everyone knows they just say that for attention.
DragonDude 24
#122, my cousin is naturally ambidextrous. I've seen it. Your argument is invalid.
sh3lbst3r 8
Dat feel when a good joke goes right (or left) over someone's head.
kristenmg21 10
#126 he was making a joke... like how people say bi-sexuals are just saying they like both sexes for attention...
fortune789 17
And what about our civil lefts you asshat?!
mmyoung979 14
Rightie or Leftie? Lame. Personally, I'm tapping Handjelina Jolie
KillSwitch96 18
Sorry #153... Palmella Handerson is the way to go!
daisylokes 16
she's gross
menfearme 10
Technically, if you got the vibrator first, your cheating on it, according to your boyfriend. Not only point at his hand offer him a dramatic ultimatum.
Scotticus117 11
What about Jill. Jill is definitely the go to gal lol
ohSNAPyall 27
Meanwhile, in the back room at the Leftorium...
djsammyc 19
dating miss michigan;)
marcela_darocha 13
shove it in his mouth, claim hes cheating too victory
cakefete2 31
That's rape actually.
PenguinBitch 44
No no. That is nasty. Defeat
SqueakyChipmunk 22
No, no. That's kinky draw.
Exhaling 12
Am I the only one wondering how you are always in the top five comments and saying a tactic then saying victory? It can't just be me unless I am missing something haha
Ki11erC 18
32: it's called having no life ;)
incoherentrmblr 22
Orgy, maybe. Maybe... Epic polygamist win
sophiehelen 32
#19 a ***** in someone's mouth isn't rape. It's creepy as hell but not rape
Federgirl 19
I agree with #2
Quackadoodledoo 13
This may come as a complete surprise but... There's a button for that.
ks23 9
I agree with #27
colby6666 43
I agree with #28
colby6666 43
I agree with #28
Amanyyyyyy 29
I agree with #44... and apparently #45
revelation11B 10
I agree with all of you, and one of you twice.
DraconicFeline 31
I agree with myself.
warsun 27
I don't agree with #77
bobo_the_bear 5
I wish to report these comments.
Rallred32 20
I agree with no one. F*** the system!
daisylokes 16
lol funny comments
Pancakes017 19
I'm sensing insecurities on his part.
zBLAKEz 23
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Are you a detective?
R3TROxLOV3 32
No, she's just one of the few people in the world who still retains some common sense.
LandoKid 9
Someone has no confidence in his abilities. I feel sorry for the OP.
MortenM 17
#7 obv not. Psychic detective it is. But apparently he can't convince others that it's a real thing, so he spends time on FML
chocolatefrog28 29
Tell him he's actually the other man, and you're already in a meaningful relationship with your vibrator but you're willing to be friends with benefits.
TacoTrop 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
@88 There are some things you should keep to yourself. This is one of them.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
@#88 Ignore #125. Keep sharing. Several of us here, reading your comment, really like where this is going.
Soloman212 28
Yeah, to fully understand this joke I'm going to need a bit more detail. As vivid as possible.
patheticgirl101 3
Lol i agree with #160
TBfml15 9
And you should go choke on a vibrator.
sweetprettykitty 10
Your boyfriend is an idiot.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Yep. About the only excuse I can think of for being annoyed she has a vibrator is if she's always turning him down for sex cause she overuses it. But even then, calling it cheating is just stupid.
pratikp03 22
You hurt the guys ego lol
AninOnin 24
He can put on his big boy britches and get over it.
emilyjgraham 34
Hey, I'm sure he still visits Jill every now and then! Masturbating shouldn't hurt someone's ego. Even if there is a toy involved. Sometimes women just can't do it by there selves and want some help. It's amazing if the boyfriend is open and okay with it but to class it as cheating is bloody ridiculous. I really hope he was joking!
INDYSTRUCTABLE 43
why did he go through your things? I doubt you left it in plain sight.... trust issues maybe.
mansfield_j 27
Or he could just be curious, but most likely has trust issues
CrazyGirlfriend 21
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
or maybe, since it is her room, no one should go in there without her permisson anyways and she didnt think her boyfriend would care...so she left it out.
ohmandapants 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
"I left him in the bedroom". I guess this means he had permission to be in there! Read carefully next time.
sh3lbst3r 8
Permission to be in a room does not qualify as permission to rummage through her things.
ohmandapants 17
And I didn't say he has permission to rummage through her things now did I? No, I was replying to #56 who was saying that he shouldn't be in her ROOM without permission. But since OP left him in there, he clearly had permission to be in the room. Nowhere in my comment did I say it was ok for him to go through her stuff just because he was in there. He doesn't have that right.
sophiehelen 32
#135 She didn't say that he shouldn't be in there. She said no one but insinuated she left it out because she didn't care about get bf seeing
mpkpm 19
Pshh, he sounds a bit crazy.