Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML
Today, I got a call from my 8-year-old's 3rd grade teacher. Apparently a question went around class asking, "Why do you think you were put on this Earth?", and my son answered, "My dad says it's because I swam the fastest." FML
Today, I found out that my 8-year-old daughter somehow learned how babies are made. Sort of. I found this out when we had the open house at her school where she meets her new teachers. When one teacher asked where she was from, she replied, "My daddy's balls." FML
Today, my youngest son's teacher surprised me with a box of diapers. Apparently my son told her I was pregnant, but I'm not. I had to explain to her I'm just fat. She apologized and felt awful, and told me to keep the diapers. My children are 5 and 7. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I found out why my 5 year-old son's teacher acts so awkward around me. My son told everyone in his class that I work as a stripper. I'm not a stripper, I work at the strip mall. FML
Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML
Today, I was playing with my 5 year-old neighbor. I was changing and he saw me naked. Then he went home and his parents came over. Apparently, he told them that I have beautiful boobs. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
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Top comments
Luckster 0
...........I completely fail to see how this makes your life ******....
KrystleLynn 0
...I don't see why this is an fml or why the teacher called you.
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Comments (116)
xshinexbrite96xx 0
your son is hilarious! i just want to eat him up! how old is he btw? cause usually kids learn about sex and pregnancy at the age of 8~10 really. if hes like 12 hes a retard
monnanon 14
it says in the post that he is five
Boygenius50 8
Hey, flying vegan, got hypocrite?
AeryFairy 10
... I don't get it. Your five-year-old misunderstood something that was in no way embarrassing for you. So what?
perdix 31
It's a good thing you didn't take time out of your busy day to use the whole word Caesarian, otherwise your kid might have thought he was born in a salad, or while you were dividing Gaul into three parts. Et tu, Brute? I should have expected as much from a lazy shit like you who had the docs cut out her baby rather than pushing it out of your happy hole like a real woman.
jcard1224 0
Sometimes in an emergency a woman has no other option than to have a c-section like say if the baby is in disstress. Maybe this was the case for her. Until you have pushed a baby out yourself don't rag on her about something she had done that may have been the only way possible for her to save her baby during labor. But I agree with others. How is this a fml? More of a "fail". And it's more of a cute funny story you'll look back on and tell your child what he had said more than it is a f**k my life. Try posting on another site.
flying_vegan 0
Sorry to burst your bubble like so much bubbly... bubblegum, perdix, but caesarian is actually derived from the Latin word caedere meaning 'to cut'. Thank you, QI...
perdix 31
flying_vegan, not so fast! The derivation of the word Caesarean is not a settled matter. Your version is one explanation, but another is that there is a legend that Julius Caesar was delivered that way. I'm sure we can agree that it has nothing to do with the salad, though. ;) @jcard... I'm at the right site, it is you who is out of line. This is a humor site and not ******* WebMD! You come here for sarcasm and tongue-in-cheek humor, not medical advice! Jeeez.
flying_vegan 0
Sorry perdy, having a tad grumbly day. Sorry to be so snippity snappity. And maybe it is to do with salad, almost all Romans of the pre-Julian era were vegetarians, eating meat only became common practice after Caesar's reign began. Whilst some gladiators and soldiers would have eaten meat to keep up their strength, it was generally the case that the meat was so shitty and last such a short time that it wasn't worth getting food poisoning over. History roxxors.
jcard1224 0
Actually I meant the op should try another site as her post was hardly fml worthy. My only comment directed to you was about not bitching about women having c-sections especially if you have no idea if it was done in an emergency situation. That's just something I don't find humoruos when it comes to the safety and or survivial of an unborn child.
TheHeroOfTime 0
Abortions are funny
HeaRTs_Girl 0
@ TheHeroOfTime - I really ******* hope you're kidding.
Sammara 0
Yep, I know my mom sure was trying to fit me into her schedule when, after 36 hours of labor, I was about to die and they had to cut me out. How dare she be such an unfit mother, allowing me to be born by C-section!
Ketz 0
My mom would have died if I hadn't been born via C-section, so shut up, please.
ChairForce 0
So the fact that I had been in hard labor for 28 hours and only 2 centimeters dilated, and my labor refused to progress after breaking my water and being put on not one but three pits, and the fact that we later found out that my son's head was stuck and there was no way I could have possibly delivered vaginally with the position his head was in and without a c-section we both would have died, all makes me a bad mom and not a real woman? **** you and I hope you die of syphilis.
gz_fml 0
My sister would have died because the cord got wrapped around her neck if she was born vaginally. Oh, but I guess my mother was not being a real woman for picking the option that would scar her for the rest of her life and require every child she had after that to be born via Cesarean section. You are an asshole!
sha72 0
My brother had the cord wrapped around his neck and was ten pounds if my mok delivered him like a "real" women they both would have died i take alot of offense to that. You must have no friends since ur such a b*st*rd
Cocopops_fml 0
How low is your ******* IQ? Some women need it as an emergency. If you get children and have a C section, you will realise how stupid your statement was.
sceptic 1
Yeah you've redeemed yourself.... Going from an anatomy lesson to a history listen... Who the hell cares about your salads or your grass eating ways!!! Just a suggestion, look in the mirror - see the canines on both sides of your upper jaw - THEY ARE THERE FOR A REASON!
drkwlf 0
I don't see, at all, for what reason a teacher would call you about this? It'd be fine if he was born at sea(say, on a boat, it's happened). So.. why would she call..
Ketz 0
That's what I thought "Your son told me that he was born at sea today, you are a HORRIBLE parent."
kar89 0
kids say the darnest things. get over it.
auZ_09 0
LOL! hey, he's a five year old, no one will care. And you can always say he misunderstood.
grandma_moses 0
how is that an FML? that's cute.
itsnatb7tch_ 0
Lucca?!?
ergo_fml 13
Who cares? How does born at sea FYL?
applcor54 0
"today my kid said something cute and probably made a lot of people laugh because I didn't properly explain something to him. FML"