Today, I asked my Dad if it was true that my mother had a C-section at my birth. He replied "Yeah, so technically you weren't even born, you were surgically removed, like a tumor." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML
Today, my father informed me that I was born only because my mom lied about being on birth control. FML
Today, I asked my dad if I was a planned baby. He asked me if the crazy drunken party he and my mom had nine months prior to my birth counted. FML
Today, my mother still refuses to acknowledge my son as her grandson, all because I had a C-section, which she says is unnatural and against God's will. I only had the C-section in the first place for health reasons. FML
Today, my old man told me that he only married my mom because she convinced him she was pregnant with his child. In fact, she aborted a week later. "And then we had you instead." FML
Today, I told my parents I was pregnant but don’t know who the Dad is. My Mom said “that’s alright, I still don’t know who your dad is”. So apparently my father isn’t my real Dad. FML
Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML
Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML
Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML
Today, my mom dropped me off at a friend's house. Upon leaving, my friend's mom said how much I looked like my mother. My mother then replied, "That's funny, she was adopted." This was the first I'd heard of this. FML
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Top comments
RJM_isaBeast 0
Lmfao at least your dad has a sense of humor.
kaengelangeleyes 9
Lmao this sounds like something my dad would say. My dad says he only had kids so he could have free slaves. :( lol
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Comments (46)
killerkiss92 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Wow what a sucky dad you should knee him in the crotch
StoryOfTheYear 15
It's nawd a tumuh!
brrarm 17
What an idiot. That kind of people have to be removed like a Tumor from the society.
KiwiExchange 16
It's okay! That means I was removed like a tumor too! At least you're not the only one :D
ItsTheKing 10
I was removed like a tumor too. D: you should gave told him he was a mistake.
krazy_glu3 0
No, you just came out of your moms abgina. Still counts.
sxe_beast 11
If I need my father in the crotch he would kick my ass after recovering and then kick me out... You people need to grow a sense of humor. Why so serious?
btnhdude 0
lol you need your father in a crotch.
jizzwold 21
Times it is appropriate to knee a male in the crotch •you are being raped •you are in fear for your life Times it is inappropriate to knee a male in the crotch •someone made you feel bad
sxe_beast 11
Sorry, I meant kneed, which I guess isn't really a word? Damn iPhone.
MerrikBarbarian 9
never trust iPhones.., mine Kees telling me rot isn't a real word and correcting it to ray, eat and rat o-o
shadypalmtree 20
that would just kill the future baby tumours
SprungOnVixNutz 0
aww, dont feel bad, i doubt ur as dreadful as a tumor lol
RJM_isaBeast 0
Lmfao at least your dad has a sense of humor.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
There's no humor in a tumor :(
DCFan 9
Clearly you havn't seen kindergarten cop.
CreeperIRL 14
"it's not a tuma!!!"
TGRandom 5
Go malignant and destroy him!!!
lakaiskate 12
Your dad is very humorous but in a sick way!
starfish7 18
I agree, your dad has a good sense of humor.
thatnucca 36
What a dick?!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
What a question?!
crymore007 11
Hey no need to make fun of 9! 9 was just looking down their pants and was surprised to find a dick there. they just forgot the comma; "What, a dick?!" oh and 9 gratz on your 123rd comment ^^
mama8809 0
Lmfao omg
kaengelangeleyes 9
Lmao this sounds like something my dad would say. My dad says he only had kids so he could have free slaves. :( lol
epr 0
Uhm, this was on a "things parents text" website