Today, I got a call from my 8-year-old's 3rd grade teacher. Apparently a question went around class asking, "Why do you think you were put on this Earth?", and my son answered, "My dad says it's because I swam the fastest." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my 5 year old son asked me to explain how he was born. After I told him I had a C-Section, he went to school and told everyone he was born at sea. I found out when the teacher called me. FML
Today, I was at another long swim-meet, when my daughter shaved 15 seconds off her record swim time. When I asked her how she did it, she replied, "Well someone told me to swim as fast as I can." She's just been taking her time all these years. FML
Today, I had a parent-teacher conference with my 8 year old son. He'd written "Chuck Norris" as the answer for every question on his test. FML
Today, I got to take my 10-year-old son to the junior high school at which I teach. When my students questioned him about what I was like at home, he told the entire class: "Well, she farts all the time." FML
Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML
Today, I took my 4-year-old daughter to the local pool for swim lessons. As we walked onto the deck she turned to me and said "Mom, that lady has really big boobs!" The whole pool heard, even the man my daughter was referring to. FML
Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML
Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year-old boy. Three times. FML
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML
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Top comments
Shabnam Moghal 14
Your kid just won the internet!
Druu 53
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. *crash* What? An egg?? AHH, HELP. I'M STUCK!
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Comments (15)
Shabnam Moghal 14
Your kid just won the internet!
Druu 53
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. *crash* What? An egg?? AHH, HELP. I'M STUCK!
Oh_No_Not_Him 25
And your son's teacher was calling to offer him a scholarship? Hope so.
Lucky O'Guin 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
This is exactly why you have to watch what you say around them. This one is on YOU and DAD for not doing this. The kid was repeating what he heard, which is a normal child response when they might not know something. This is not an FML, you brought it upon yourselves. Way to F your kid's Life.
Arashikage 18
buzzkill Something that spoils or ruins an otherwise enjoyable event Synonyms: Party pooper, spoil sport, Lucky O'Guin
incorrectsometimes 8
I am the Dad.
Glowworm56 27
He really isn't wrong, and that answer is brilliant!
skippydoda 32
Actually you should correct this immediately. It's not the fastest sperm, it's the slowest one that waits for the others to do the hard work.
tak7871 10
Actually it is the fastest so he's in front then the slow ones do the work and push them in
RichardPencil 32
Is your dad Michael Phelps? Otherwise, whose sperm did Dad's spooge have to compete with? Mom, any comment?
incorrectsometimes 8
I'm the Father. ?
GIJoefan 6
Out of the mouths of babes.
Emmereen 29
Thanks for the laugh, OP. How'd the conversation go with the teacher?
incorrectsometimes 8
She says that she felt flustered. ??♂️