Today, my husband and I sat our 10-year-old daughter down for a chat over her recent cursing. When my husband asked where she'd heard the words, she "innocently" replied, "from mommy's other boyfriend." He took her seriously, accused me of cheating, and hasn't been home since. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML
In the doghouse
Today, my toddler started running around the house yelling, "Daddy said a bad word!" over and over again. I don't even know what I allegedly said, but now my wife is giving me the "we need to talk" look. FML
Bad boys, bad boys, what ya gonna do?
Today, my wife got a call from my son's school, telling her that he was talking inappropriately in class, using bad language. Neither my wife or I ever use foul language, spoken or written. I feel like such a failure as father and parent. FML
Old faithful
Today, my daughter flew completely off the handle when she found out I have a girlfriend, and called me an unfaithful sinning bastard, who’s going to hell for cheating on her mother. Her mother's been dead for 20 years and this is the first time I’ve met a woman since then. FML
Karma
Today, my daughter came crying to me that her boyfriend cheated on her. I'd like to comfort her, if it weren't for the fact that she manipulated him into cheating on his previous girlfriend with her. FML
Liar, liar
Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML
Modesty
Today, I found out that my 11 year-old daughter dresses skimpy when I drop her off on the weekends at my ex-husband’s house, courtesy of his girlfriend, who he cheated on me with. When I confronted her, she told me to “stop being such a prude” and with my attitude, “no wonder you get cheated on.” FML
Mystery man
Today, as I was taking my three year-old daughter home from daycare, she asked where her daddy was. I tried to tell her that I was her father, but she answered, "No, not you! My other daddy!" I've got some talking to do tonight. FML
Today, my daughter's 14-year-old boyfriend confessed, in front of her, that he only went out with her so he might have a chance to date me. My daughter isn't speaking to me. FML
Today, my mother came into my workplace to wail on me for "ruining our family's reputation" because I got a girl pregnant. I've been married to the "girl" for 8 years. FML
Top comments
Airman1988 9
You may have an manipulative genius on your hands.
chrissy2 28
I feel like someone wants mommy out of the house.
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Comments (169)
Abenti 8
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a clever clever girl...
XxDevilxXGt 26
Clever? I don't think she was plotting to ruin her parent's relationship. She just didn't know what she thought she knew, and spoke ignorantly like most children do. Boo-ya that rhymed.
niplipsip 9
actually some children start being evil pretty young.
CheeseTron 15
Not sure if this is a reference to jurassic park...
zeeshawn 3
10 - if you believe that most children speak ignorantly, then either you don't have kids or your kids screwed you up. They say what they see; sure they miss a few things here and there, but that's not ignorance.
LauraChristie 4
I use to try and split my parents up from that age cause I use to hate my mom. Kids do it all the time I'm sure.
nix1993 41
#70: You were an awful, awful person.
ShyAnn29 15
70, I never did that as a kid.
Zomg_Okay 27
70 - It never once crossed my mind. Don't try and justify the fact that you were a little shit by claiming that most kids want their parents to break up.
YoTengoTomatoes 7
10- Actually, yes that is ignorance. You said it yourself, they say what they see, and when they miss a few things, they don't ask to clarify. Ignorance when it comes to children is when they don't know any better. And in this case, that's exactly what's going on here
etchsanity1 11
Op never said it wasn't true... Implied perhaps but she never denies the claim in her post
andiewithlove 21
70, if anything I tried to pop my parent's tires with nails so they wouldn't have to work.
FML_Whale 18
70 - No kid wants their parents to break up...you're (or were) a terrible piece of shit..
Derpenstien 4
No...You're just a lunatic.
clair_brodie 35
If you have parents that are always either arguing or beating you, then yes, you would want them t break up.
fluffernut15 6
And here I thought this was a Jurassic Park reference..
GwylaFelidae 7
My unfortunate circumstance being that I didn't want my parents to split up. Now, after 18yrs, I am glad that they did. I didn't realize how abusive my biological father was. I haven't spoken to him in over 8yrs because of the things he did to me and my sisters... I only found out what he did to my mother in this last year. SCARY stuff.
lolkaela 6
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Damn, someone raised this kid right.
alexandrialala 6
Yeah, raising your child to potentially ruin a marriage is the "right" way to raise a kid.
Officiency 4
Because that wasn't sarcasm and all
etchsanity1 11
Hey the kid might just be honest... The op never refuted the claim in the post she may have implied otherwise but never came out and said she was innocent
lolkaela 6
I have a feeling you all missed my sarcasm.
alexandrialala 6
Gotcha, usually sarcasm is hard to detect on the Internet.
kakarot2 11
People... This sarcasm could not have been more obvious......
Zomg_Okay 27
104: Usually, yes. But not in this case.
KM96 24
Or maybe she was just being a smart mouth
TBfml15 9
You dumb 87
Airman1988 9
You may have an manipulative genius on your hands.
reallytho3 11
The good ole divide and conquer technique... She'll make a good general
iceroyalty1984 14
This is her last ditch effort to get you two to separate so she can get double presents for Christmas this year.
Mahtari 19
This kid might be a professional boss.
gribbles 12
Wait, why are we all assuming she's lying? What if the mother really is cheating on her husband?
LivyGirl0611 9
92-Because if the mother were really in the wrong I highly doubt she would leave that part out purely for a good story on FML.
LolFMLnot 10
92 from the way this FML is written i doubt she cheated.
ohSNAPyall 27
Bad Seed!
lavantant 3
I guess if you wanna be a sociopath, gotta start young...
docscientist 10
Manipulative, yes. Genius, not so much.
doctorhook86 25
7: More like she'll make a great politician; she's already good at lying.
chrissy2 28
I feel like someone wants mommy out of the house.
Kallian_fml 21
Well then she can't be that smart, she failed. Daddy's out of the house.
chrissy2 28
Didn't say she was smart. Lol
PuggieKid 22
Trolling Child.
chrissy2 28
Agreed
kittykat1501 31
Or daddy
TheLadyOpal 30
Maybe you should have just stuck to washing her mouth out with soap.
ferrousWheel 6
and not just any soap. Lifebuoy, naturally.
Mauskau 36
My parents shoved a spoonful of mustard in my sister's mouth when she was younger and started cursing, apparently she's never said the word since and she's 20 now
Emma1562 35
Shit I am totally gonna use this tactic so when I have kids, they don't turn out like me XD
ICastillo 25
It's a classic.. I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus.
misataylor86 10
I think it's time for a whooping!
sduval33 5
Oh yes because beating our kids will do anything other than **** them up more.
missashzilla 17
I was beat and I'm not ****** up. All the hateful, rude, and disrespectful people I know are products of "beating your kids makes them ****** up, so let's not do that" parents.
Missmacabre 2
#46 Oh yeah coz letting them run riot and get knocked up asap is soo much better than discipline! Bet youre a religious wacko too.
Laurenlou 24
I got a spanking when I was young. I learned my lesson every time. I was never whooped with a belt, but only threatened. I knew that my parents would actually do what they said, so being threatened with the belt was enough to straighten me out! We are not talking about punching a child. They wouldn't get bruises. It does not "**** up" any child if they get spankings. It actually teaches them quite justly and well that something they did was wrong.
stargirl_95 24
46 - Funny enough the majority of people I know who were spanked as kids turned out to be well adjusted individuals with good morals and values who respect their parents, whereas the majority of people I know who weren't spanked turned out to be the kind of kids who go drinking every weekend (I'm 17 by the way so this is underage drinking) and say things like "God, will you just shut up mom."
TheMathMajor 26
Okay, let people raise their kids how they want. Spanking is not child abuse, though I would never do that to my child when/if I have kids. My parents never hit us because they did not want to show us at all that hitting is okay in any circumstance. We got time outs and we were told that they were disappointed in our actions and that our behavior was unacceptable and to come out of time out after we had thought about what we had done and were ready to apologize. This was effective for me and my older sister and we are very responsible adults and always respected our parents. My younger sister had a more wild personality and would throw temper tantrums and not be pleasant at all to deal with and discipline, but my parents never hit her, and she still grew up to be a wonderful smart young woman and doesn't put up nearly as much of a fight as she would when she was younger. The point is that it is possible to be a good parent and discipline your kids without resorting to spanking or threatening violence if you are against that sort of thing.
Aeroxx1337 17
Apparently some studies say that spanking can cause a form of PTSD in children, making them grow up less intelligent. So that's not exactly a good thing. And also weird.
white16sox 19
62, well I'm not part of that majority. I was never hit as a kid, I've never gone out drinking or any of that stupid crap.
Nordah 15
I don't really like all these generalizations about people who were or were not spanked. Both my sister and I were. I have genuinely grown to fear angering or disappointing my parents due to potential consequences. (Pretty much, I'm Butters from South Park. You can imagine how much fun I am.) My sister has become resilient to all forms of punishment, and is one of those "God, mom, will you shut up" people. I personally don't think either is optimal. Is it solely due to the spanking? I don't know. But if you spanked your kids, and they turned out alright, it's because you were doing something else right, too.
bombshellbabee01 9
#75 sure you can raise your kids like that and sometimes and they come out fine but it all depends on the kid. Personally if I was raised that way I would just do whatever the hell I wanted. I was whooped as a kid and now I am a lot more respectful and well behaved than other kids my age.
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
Hard-core confirmation bias.
Han_Bam 9
51- Agreed that's how I was raised when I was younger and after that they would explain what I did wrong, but I would also get about 3 warning before hand.
sdh715 6
There is a difference between spanking and beating. I was spanked as a child and so was my brother, we both turned out fine. I find it hard to believe that people are scarred for life over being spanked. Being beaten is a different story.
taylorluvsbieber 2
i think people who spank their kids are evil. how can you love someone who hurts you? there are better ways to punish people.
Laurenlou 24
75- I like what you're saying. The spanking was my parents last resort. Everyone knows that even the best of children can be hard to handle at times. The spanking will also be a last resort for me when I am a parent. It will never come to that unless my husband and I have tried everything else, like the things you said your parents did to correct you, and it doesn't work. So to a certain extent, I don't like spanking either. But if nothing else works, I know that will.
traveler_ghost 12
what a little bitch, how could she lie through her teeth like that, knowing that what she said could ruin your relationship?
MatteKudasai 17
She is 10. I don't exactly think she understood the consequences of her actions fully...
Missmacabre 2
#26 - these days kids her age are having kids. Pretty sure she knew what she was doing, mom's probably the one that dishes out the discipline and dad's a soft ****.
hsRoseTyler5 14
All the ten year olds I know are intelligent enough to know the repercussions of saying something like that and wouldn't say it to get out of trouble.
RussianFox 13
11 Calls OP's daughter a bitch, gets thumbed down. 15 does the same, gets thumbed up.
fsomelife 26
If she didn't know what she was saying, why would she say exactly that? I'm not implying that her intention was to ruin their relationship, but she's definitely old enough to try to shift the blame to someone else - kids start doing it before they can even talk properly. So, yeah, she's definitely a little bitch.
etchsanity1 11
Hey why is everyone assuming a lie... OP never actually denies the claim in the post. Implies perhaps but it is entirely possible that the FML is he found out ... Usually people set the story straight in FMLs
cr3ativity 15
Wow. If I ever did that at my age, my parents would have probably tore me a new one, or just go through the tried and true method of sending me to live out in the backyard in a tent for an extended period
MatteKudasai 17
When I was that age, I remember camping out in a tent in the backyard was possibly the most fun I could ever have!
BlondBeachBunny 4
Haha!. Same here 14!. Except I'd be banished to the garage. No fresh air for me. AND they'd rip me a new one. Not or's. I'd get both.
Callmesam 10
Dude, your daughter's a bitch. I'd go through and take EVERYTHING out of her room bar the mattress and two changes of clothes.
btstig 11
And whip her ass with a belt
bandofsand 10
What about the husband? Why is he listening to a ten year old over his wife?
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
Whoa! Whoa! 15 That's a little excessive.
taylorluvsbieber 2
im glad your not my parent. she just told a lie. its not her fault her dad beleived it. you guys are acting like she killed someone
ranko77 1
She's just a little girl you moron's! Its the adult's fault for taking her words seriously in this case though kid's say random things all the time.
GwylaFelidae 7
There is a reason that there this phrase is common... "From the mouths of babes". Children, regardless of age, can and will say things people don't want to hear. Sometimes the child doesn't have all the facts, but usually they are quite brilliant with the information that they deliver to us. OP may very well have a boyfriend, but then again she may have a friend that happens to be male.