Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking to my car after grocery shopping when I dropped my heavy-ass bag, which then ripped. Everything spilled out, and while I was picking it up, a kind stranger ran over to help me… by accidentally stepping on and smashing my carton of eggs. FML
Today, I left my house angrily after arguing over the Super Bowl. I guess karma gets nasty when you wish a member of the opposing team would break his back. I fell down the stairs. FML
Today, I helped my neighbor carry her groceries upstairs. One egg carton slipped from my hand and exploded in the sink. She stared at the mess, then at me, and said, “That's my omelet down the drain.” FML
Today, I made scrambled eggs. Returning the rest of the carton, I tripped and spilled 10 raw eggs all over the inside of the fridge. The same fridge I spent 2 hours cleaning and scrubbing every drawer and shelf of yesterday. FML
Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML
Today, I tripped over my dog while carrying groceries. As I laid on the floor surrounded by smashed eggs, spilled milk, and a bruised knee, my dog stole the bread from the bag and and ran off. FML
Today, I fell down in the street when a speeding car chucked a hard-boiled egg at my butt. While I waited for the feeling in my legs to return, they came back and threw more. FML
Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML
Today, I tried to carry all my grocery bags in one trip. I was doing great until the plastic handles stretched and snapped in the parking lot. A carton of eggs exploded, an avocado rolled under a car, and a bottle of wine shattered. Someone asked if I needed help. I said no because I was too embarrassed. FML
Today, being a big believer in karma, I found it fitting that a girl that was always a bitch to me in high school is now fat and ugly. After sending one of her recent pictures with a mean caption to a few of my friends, I tripped and sprained my wrist falling up the stairs. Karma. FML
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Top comments
randomthing 22
You definitely deserved it.
tswizz 13
You were going to egg a house? How old are you? Twelve?
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Comments (125)
vocaloidtiger 12
Ahh, karma. A bitch indeed.
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
Fortunately, karma is only a bitch to bitches who deserve it.
beeth 2
She's the bitch.
igive 29
Bitches be crazy.
bigtaytay 13
OP is the real bitch here, that's the way she's gonna handle it? Eggs? I bet the breakup was probably her fault too but she's just blaming him
happle 21
Karma is not a bitch, it gives you exactly what you deserve.
DKParth13 5
But make sure that bitch is beautiful!
Oreohugzpenny 4
Karma the bitchiest revenge on they planet.
MindFreakazoid 10
Op's the bitch. Karma's the justice. YDI!
KupkakeKitten 8
OP, are you 5??
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I had a friend named Karma. She changed her name cause everyone kept calling her a bitch. Now we say, 'Jenny's a bitch'. Cause she is. Plan=Backfired.
xactownife 7
Karma's only a bitch if you are.
jweezy89 4
Finally karma actually teaches someone a lesson. I'm sure had op been successful in her master scheme, karma would have slapped her harder.
XxDevilxXGt 26
Karma's only a bitch if you actually believe in it. On a realistic note, just watch your step next time, and go slowly when carrying things.
TriflingAllDay 6
Bitches be trifling.
IAmAZero 0
143- Realistic? How lame is THAT?
dsbs 9
Real life? I've never heard of that server
myalleyway 9
karma's only a bitch if you are
randomthing 22
You definitely deserved it.
tygerarmy 35
I thought it sounded like she got eggxactly what she deserved.
PerfasarusRex 3
Of course she deserved it. Egging an exs house sounds like something a middle schooler would do. Grow the heck up.
sirpantselot 22
The irony of the sentence "grow the heck up" is killing me!
aleeshttylXD 9
maybe OP is a middle schooler....
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Karma's not the only bitch in this story..
doctorhook86 25
57: Maturity is about behaviors, not words.
mea_iloveskiing 26
At least you weren't holding a knife :)
HiIAmKevin 8
Wilson!!!!!!
newbiehere99 6
Did you land sunny side up or were you all scrambled? O.o
Inheritance 10
That's eggactly what you deserve OP! ..sorry lame pun..
downtime 13
At least isn't the word I'd use. "Unfortunately" seems more fitting here...
heygirlie777 21
Well. If she was holding a knife...he must have been a really horrible boyfriend.
LAMKWHIM 11
karma forced you to egg your own house hahaha
hockeyoceancity 13
Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML Read the first sentence. That is the karma.
blaackandprouud 20
82- she's saying that she kinda egged her own house because her staircase has eggs all over it. So she egged her own house.
eddeeezzyy 19
I don't see why 4 got thumbed down, her comment is technically true.
jjh1978 11
Because people are stupid that's why.
NanillaVipples 2
Kharma's only a bitch if you are.
stellasue11 38
thats too funny and to true lol
Mr_Que_Dijo23 5
Well wasn't that an egg-cellent outcome. Anyone? No? Ok.. *back to the cave*
superguy101 0
Pun I hate pun I hate you I love..... EVERYTHING
somewizdom 15
Apparently adding "back to the cave" to any silly comment makes it not silly. Good to know.. *back to the cave*
xXxIracebethxXx 14
*back to the Bat-cave*
hockeyoceancity 13
How's the internet connection in your cave? Mine has been getting fuzzy lately... Do you have "Imaloner" or "darkholeabyss" internet connection?
You_Screwed_Up 7
Well that scrambled her plans.
mishaparis 7
I was gonna thumb your comment, but it was on 69 thumbs so I didn't want to spoil it. (:
KeyboardWarrior 10
Do people still find that 69 thumbs thing funny? I never have, I must be missing out on the grown up stuff. :(
love2killu 21
Hahahhahahaha nice. Well imma go now * back to the cave *
crymore007 11
well I think you're a bitch. I have no regrets. I embrace your thumbs down, fml community.
sucessfultroll 18
you have my thumbs up fo sho :D
tswizz 13
You were going to egg a house? How old are you? Twelve?
hockeyoceancity 13
Judging by the mature username saying she is 12 is maybe pushing it too...
gionatorinc 5
Its not that complicated..
Annis_x3 7
87- tswizz was referring to OP's maturity level, not the difficulty of the task.
Crazberry 5
I've fantasized about egging my ex's house but I wouldn't actually do it.... And he recently told me I was just something for him to stick his **** in. What did your ex do that you feel the need to be so childish? You can't feel hate for your exes no matter how they treated you. Hate is a strong feeling, just like love. It's better to not feel anything for them and move on. *preach mode off*
reallytho3 11
Good sermon today pastor
SqueakyChipmunk 22
He needs something to stick his dick in? Give him this list: A blender A garbage disposal A meat grinder A transvestite hooker with chlamydia Lorina Bobitt's mouth A shredder A pencil sharpener A guillotine That one chick from 'Teeth' ...I'm outta ideas.
Crazberry 5
#149 Heh, for the strangest reason I thought of "Will it Blend?" :P That episode might be almost as entertaining as the glow stick one... Almost.
hotPinklipstick 24
This is an eggcellent display of karma. What else were you eggspecting?
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
10- you're so original! Where did you come up with that one? (sarcasm)
hotPinklipstick 24
Well I didn't see 5's comment when I wrote this, so I apologize that my pun wasn't that good.
TriflingAllDay 6
No pun is good.
littlesimran 5
heehee thats funny
Pentium_4 27
insta-karma indeed. you're supposed to forget about him and move on, if he was a bad person karma will get him too
KrayKrayGurl117 7
Wise words, child
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
11- Getting over an ex is easier said than done.