Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. After completing their personality quiz, I set the distance to a 60 mile radius of where I live. Then to the country. Then to the whole world. I got no matches for any of the settings. FML
Today, I realized that I've been a member of eHarmony for almost a year. No one has ever contacted me out of the 134 people I've been "scientifically" matched with. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
What are the odds?
Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML
Tinder Surprise
Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML
Women be smiling
Today, it's not enough that men IRL tell me to smile, now the dating apps have OK'd this and decided it's fine to send me email with a stock phrase saying, "[Match's name] wants to see you smile back!" Online dating is the bane of my existence but also my best bet for not being single forever. Curse you, eHarmony. FML
Dating apps are hopeless
Today, after seeing that my Tinder profile has been stagnant for a VERY long time, I became desperate enough to purchase a 100x boost. The result? One of the girls unmatched me. Not that it matters. All my matches have yet to answer back. FML
Today, I spent two hours filling out an online application and questionnaire for a potential employer. The application stated that there were no right or wrong answers and to answer truthfully. I was automatically rejected. FML
Lonely, so lonely
Today, after a nice Thanksgiving with my parents, and the usual question about when I'll bring a woman with me to meet them, I absentmindedly launched the usual dating app. I swiped completely dry with no matches, reminding myself that my entire city doesn't have one person interested in dating me. FML
Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML
Top comments
DoctorWhooves 6
... try the Solar System?
slsrox1298 0
lol thats better than the girl who was paired with her brother lol
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Comments (258)
DoctorWhooves 6
... try the Solar System?
XenaWP 6
Just go out, go to the pub for a quiet one and do the crossword, or join a sporting group/gym. I guarantee you'll find someone. :)
hailphire130 0
Is it not every man's dream to have sex with a hot alien babe?
happyhak 5
My friend, you can find a partner in many places; A dating website is not your only option :) Plus, not everyone signs up for eHarmony so don't think you cannot be matched with anyone :)
TurnpikeTwister 0
The attrition rates of any one of these websites heavily outweighs the # of people they actually set up into a happy relationship, it's really more like a lottery; thats the part they don't advertise!
aequitas740 0
Hahaha, awesome!
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Well at least she's thankful! Nice to see a kid nowadays truly appreciate a good grammatical lesson.
Shrike 24
^ Oh shut up. You obviously have no idea what you're talking about. Grammatical Nazi would be more like a Nazi who's grammatical. Grammar lover is okay, and so is Grammar Nazi. Anyway, reply to the proper comment next time.
JumbledGirl 2
Id date you op :(
hinchkongfang 0
I love people who are unique... I am certain there is someone out there for you - if I'm married, there's hope for EVERYONE!!!
ohxdamnxkay02 12
Don't worry OP, eHarmony can't find you a match because you are too good for everyone else, stay strong you will find that perfect someone one day (:
thisisafunnyname 12
haha try the solar system...if youre into martians and that sorta thing
SirObvious 1
Try craigslist:)
EvilPotato 15
Moral of the story, eHarmony sucks, meet someone in real life.
bizarre_ftw 22
No! Move! Just because yours was set to world doesn't mean your match's was
Damn_Hippster 11
It just means that your 1 in 7 billion!
bizarre_ftw 22
Not entirely, but somewhat, all the same I don't care as my sleep deprived, power deprived, HOT WATER and HEAT IN GENERAL deprived brain is having fun ^_^
DizzyDancer 3
actually I met my husband on e-harmony. Bars got annoying and it's tough to meet people sometimes. Don't worry to much op, I know 3 or 4 people that got the same result, there are other free dating sites you can try!
faithxoxox 1
There he goes. Home boy ****** a Martian once.
urdirtyolduncle 15
100- That's where I met my husband/wife!
icefshng8 9
Transvestite partner?
rkmepm 16
try jenny craig ;)
the17doctor 12
#45 - Not to mention the lottery of when you message someone. After all, on the paid ones, they still let member join up but not message, so if you message someone there's a big chance they haven't paid and can't actually message you back. Which is something else they don't tell you in the adverts.
dre_bro11 12
OP, dont worry too much about it. Just stop for a second and think about it. All it is is a computer matching stats about you. Sometimes they slip up, but that shouldn't put you down. Take this example. The new Facebook lists. I click on 'Closest Friends' and it tells me I have none, when I actually do. It's just the way things are being matched up. So don't take it to heart.
xXCherrryBombXx 6
60- you have a boyfriend... read her profile......
taytoc 10
There's always someone for everyone don't wry :) even if u gotta dumb it down
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Only desperate, standardless people resort to dumbing it down. You'll find someone OP. You just have to STOP looking. It works for finding your keys, so it will work for finding your girl.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
Ok, ok, *...so it will work for finding your desired (hopefully) human being. I think that covers everyone. Did I leave someone out? Anyone?
hinchkongfang 0
59, your tattoo looks like a nipple on your hip :)
leadman1989 16
59 SEE I TOLD you it looked like a nipple!!! Lol.
bizarre_ftw 22
59 - one could argue you're discriminating against non human - human matches ^_^ (you did ask sincerely A. Troll)
bubble25_fml 5
Whaaaa? No love for sheep? Man, some Scotsmen are gonna get pissed...
GodsLittleMistak 8
59-Robots? Octopi? Hmmm...nope that's all the wierd pairings I can think of at the moment!
HelenLFC 27
The welsh* not the Scottish. Get your stereotypes right !
xxsourpatchxx 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
sux for you!
maz255 10
Socks for you?
skullcandifiedDJ 5
succks for you
amanda_smith54 4
Maybe become a nun?
syki 22
Hell yeah! As the only male nun, OP'd have the run of those bitches! They're "married to God," but He's been neglecting His conjugal duties lately...
coolstorybro6969 6
MMHMMM Mother Teresa howt
ThatOneCanadian 0
youre just special :)
Savra_fml 17
Yep! Just like that one canadian. Very special indeed.
ThatOneCanadian 0
well that was rude and unnecessary.
Teehee2 0
apparently special people are too special to be taken...
epiikgangster11 2
He is special just like everyone else is special
ninjafire3 2
haha what did you put?
I_iz_B_a_troll 24
I like mah ladies purpul with three vaginas and furry cankles. I know some guys like the camel-toe but I'm looking for the whole hump :D
kaytayhay18 0
57, you're gorgeous!
irritatedone 5
Haha that's funny.
LaDeFreakinDa 4
What a coincidence. You just described me. Except I have four vaginas. Does that ruin it? :(
slsrox1298 0
lol thats better than the girl who was paired with her brother lol
talktomandybaby 8
Twice.
hoodyNOT2shoes 0
You rememer that too?!?!?!??!? But your right, it is kind of better!
CrizzyCream 1
Lol read that one too.
iDaniel525 8
Forever unique?
cBlackout 13
Troll 0.0
twofirstnames 12
Your just that special
twofirstnames 12
Thanks for the English lesson... ******* grammar nazis
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
^^ terrible future predictor.
MagicallyFat 12
^ just like proffesor trewlaney the only time she predicts somethig right someone dies… And number 30 if he's helping you be thankful. He's just tryig to make you smarter and better.
stacianichole 2
No, come ON! This is not that hard, and everyone should know the difference between your and you're by the end of elementary school! This shit is easy, people! Learn it!!!
ohmandapants 17
twofirstnames: I think that it is SO ******* IRONIC that you claim to be a grammar nazi on your profile. I actually let out a giggle. FYI: YOU'RE* doing it wrong.
bizarre_ftw 22
30 - lol 36 - *giggles behind hand* 89 - lol seriously! But then again, who didn't see that coming?! It's death 24/7 with her, eventually someone is going to kick the bucket ^_^ 114 - this shit is easy, autocorrect is stupid, touch screens are shifty, people are tired (and some are just stupid) 141 - so are you....
ohmandapants 17
Really? What mistake did I make exactly?
bizarre_ftw 22
Btw, 141, best ov lick tsing to finger our esakly Wat your soing rong (^_^ a mix of autocorrect faux pas and intentional stupidity, your welcome, enjoy deciphering [if you can't tell, I'm tired and this thread annoyed me])
bizarre_ftw 22
Oh, your mistake wasn't in grammar, I never specified exactly which field you are butchering :)
ohmandapants 17
Well then your comment toward me was kind of pointless.
ohmandapants 17
Especially since you refuse to explain.
bizarre_ftw 22
(i was having trouble getting my response up) Not entirely, but somewhat, all the same I don't care as my sleep deprived, power deprived, HOT WATER and HEAT IN GENERAL deprived brain is having fun ^_^ (also, for one, I'd like to point out the cliche at the end of the "I checked out your profile" comment, that equals failing to me)
ohmandapants 17
Well good for you, I don't give a shit.
ohmandapants 17
Lol I don't tend to get along with people who start pointless crap because their "brain" is having "fun"
theghost1309 11
I never understood why people feel the need to correct others grammar on here. You still pronounce your or you're the same and as its not an essay or important document why does it matter?
drawmesunshine 17
147, TheIsland's post about all your mistakes ended up as a reply to the first post. He was criticising you for saying *grammar* Nazi, and arguing about how *grammatical* Nazi is the right way to say it. Something about adjectives. But actually *grammar* is the right way. A Nazi of grammar - A grammar Nazi. If it was gramatical Nazi, the nazi would be grammatical, and wtf does that mean? The teacher is mathmatical? No, that's stupid. Also, he said you didn't capitalize Nazi.
Shrike 24
It took you a day to think that up? Simple response: Compare "Math teacher." to "Grammar Nazi." Nice try.
ohmandapants 17
Thelsland, you're trying to be a smart ass. Stop. Grammar Nazi is correct.
Shrike 24
Wait, I'm following you because I corrected you for the first time in my life? I've never even spoken to you before, and the fact you're claiming otherwise while ignoring my point just now, pretty much proves you're just trying to piss people off. Your trolling sucks.
Shrike 24
"Definently"? REALLY? And of course I commented again. It's a ******* conversation thread. Yeah, you really suck at this trolling business, so I'm not even going to waste any more time on you, dickweed.
ohmandapants 17
You make yourself look worse with every comment Thelsland.
yourlifeisbetter_fml 0
Maybe you true love is Almish?
yankfan89 27
*Amish
yourlifeisbetter_fml 0
*your.. Sorry, my iPod's spellcheck acts up sometimes.
stacianichole 2
My autocorrect turned almish into almost. What spellcheck gives you non-existent words?
leadman1989 16
I think he meant it didn't fix it. And also I ONCE spelled you as YUO for comedic effect and now it always auto corrects a you to that. -_- FML
bizarre_ftw 22
It autocorrects me to you? What? :) :P
bizarre_ftw 22
(this should be to 10)
yourlifeisbetter_fml 0
Yeah, sorry for my ignorant spelling, everyone. I hate when people have grammar mistakes... I'm a hypocrite.
yourlifeisbetter_fml 0
115-My spellcheck loves to mess up. Anytime I type the word "in" it make it "I'n" unless I go back and fix it... And I use I'n a lot I'n sentences.