Today, me and my girls went to get revenge on a girl who slept with my boyfriend by egging her house. Her house was too far away so we decided to get her truck. We wasted a carton of eggs on her driveway because we all have terrible aim and look incredibly stupid for missing so bad. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to egg my ex-boyfriend's house, after finding out he cheated on me. I covered his house and car with eggs, toilet paper, and silly string. When I went to get back in my car, my keys were locked inside, the alarm went off, and my ex walked outside, with his new girlfriend. FML
Today, while at work at my grocery store I sold a TON of eggs to a bunch of kids. We joked around that they were "going to bake a giant cake." When I got home I found out someone had egged my house. FML
Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML
Today, I fell down my stairs while holding a carton of eggs I was going to use to egg my ex-boyfriend's house. Karma's definitely a bitch to me. FML
Today, my house was pelted with rotten eggs. Apparently, my daughter and her friends are bullying a boy in her class. So, his older brother set out for revenge. According to the threatening note he left, "This is just the start if they don't leave him alone." My daughter thinks this means she should bully harder. FML
Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML
Today, my dad forced me to take part in a pathetic act of revenge against our neighbors, who keep parking their 4x4 in front of our house. He made me stand watch while he kept trying to slash their tires. An hour later, we were waiting for my mom to bail us out of jail. FML
Today, I wanted to prank my girlfriend by giving her a jump scare. Right before I tried to scare her in an empty parking lot, she turned towards me, pepper-sprayed me in the eyes and kicked me in the balls. When she realized it was me, she called me an asshole and dumped on the spot and drove away. FML
Today, my psychopathic ex-girlfriend spray-painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van, knowing damn well I have to park it in front of an elementary school on a daily basis to pick up my daughter. FML
Today, I snuck out to see my girlfriend in the middle of the night. When I got to her house, I decided to throw a rock at her window to wake her up. It broke a hole in the window. FML
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Top comments
flinkpamingo 0
First, you shouldn't be mad at her. HE is the one who dogged you. Secondly, grow up, get a life and realize that anyone who makes you that angry and treats you like that isn't worth the power it takes to squish a bug. What a waste. Go find someone who acctually loves you and wants to be with you. Come on, suck it up and move on, and have a nice day. You deserve better.
Lolbrittany 0
should've egged HIS house/vehicle.
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Comments (147)
whysoserious22 0
this isn't an fml, more like an epic fail and first
maximumoverdrive 0
I don't like this mostly cause you said "my girls". There is only one girl I know who says that, and she's the biggest bitch ever. But I doubt it's her, she's to fat and ugly to get a boyfriend.
bethechange_fml 0
mean, much?
teentee401 37
So she shouldn't use a fairly common phrase for a girl's friends simply because you know one person that uses it and happens to be a bitch? Impeccable logic.
sireen 0
uhm.. find a more trust worthy boyfriend.
arms_akimbo 0
Oh man, you wasted like $2 worth of eggs oh no. You suck.
sh00nie 0
This is the point in time where you whoop his ass, and if the girl DID know that you two were dating, hers too. Mainly on his half, but throw her in there too for good measure. (:
Chr0nicdreamz 0
why wouldn't the OP just egg her boyfriends car? makes sense since he would have to consent to have sex to begin with
youaresofucked 0
Who the **** cares?
cmac86 24
you don't mess with peoples cars. that is a HELL of a lot harder to fix. second your bf slept with her not she with he get your facts straight. third thank you for proving the stereotype that girls can't throw. ydi and need to be punished.
ijrnelson 0
eggs that you buy for food are not at any stage fertilized by a male, they are not aborted. A chicklet could not grow in one. I pray this is tongue-in-cheek
adelaide_evening 0
Your logic is flawed. That's like saying everytime a girl has her period she aborts her baby. It's an unfertilized egg.