Today, it was my last day at my dad's. I thought he'd want to say goodbye, instead he told me, "Hope you've got all your shit. Anything you leave, I'm burning." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I found out that 15 years ago my father threw out my college acceptance letters so that I could stay home and take over the family's funeral home business. FML
Today, I visited my dad. He gave the, "You live under my roof, you follow my rules" lecture since I didn't do my "chores". I moved out 3 years ago. FML
Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML
Today, I got a notice in the mail saying I had been fired from my job. My dad's the boss, who I happen to live with. FML
Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML
Today, my dad came to pick me up. It would have been nicer if he'd had his clothes on. FML
Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML
Today, my dad came to visit me. By visit I mean he arrived, took a huge smelly dump and left. This is the first time I've seen my dad in months. FML
Today, I woke up to "we're leaving". I'm now homeless because my Dad and his girlfriend got into an argument over toilet paper. FML
Today, my boss made sure to do one last thing before he retired. Fire me. FML
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Top comments
mjninety 9
I bet you are glad to be leaving.
rein 8
leave behind all your shit & let him burn down his house.
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Comments (96)
mjninety 9
I bet you are glad to be leaving.
YayorNay 8
Shit doesn't smell too good when its being burnt.
yoursucklives 36
shit doesn't smell too good when it's not burned either
you_and_me_fml 8
To all three^ wow.. I would have never guessed
shelbygordon44 7
I hope you don't forget any shit OP. Your dad may have a bonfire planned just for you.
anencephalic 14
Good thing OP is leaving, possible Guy Fawkes situation.
fakeaccountX 6
Well, you're leaving HIM...Does that count?
hellbilly205 17
Atleast your not leaving yourself behind...that'd be bad
False_Stupidity 42
Hmm, I'm sure I moderated this one except that it ended with the addition that he had left his guitar behind.. Oh well, sound like it will be a relief for you to be leaving that douche.
onefinemess 11
Dad's are like assholes everyone has one, yours just happens to also behave like an asshole.
xlord 27
^^^ Is it just me or does she sound like a stereotypical butch lesbian?
DropTheDaggerxx 31
2 wasn't saying all dads are assholes. They said they're LIKE assholes in the sense that everyone has one. Don't know why they felt the need to point that out, but. OP- If he wasn't joking (that so sounds like some fathers I know), that's rough. At least it's your last day.
Jamialia 5
Speak for your Own!! My Dad raised me and my sister himself when my Mum left! He's the only man in my life who hasn't let me down.
THE_A_TEEN 28
#18 I have to agree with 12 and 14, not all dads are assholes, my dad is pretty awesome, though my parents are divorced for 6 years now.
TUHTLES 8
Not everyone has a dad.....
xlord 27
Pendatik, don't hate the player hate the game! Lol but according to all the thumbs most people took it my way. And her wording was ambiguous so it could actually go both ways.
hellbilly205 17
Wow you people are dumb. It clearly says dads are LIKE assholes it doesnt say all dads are assholes
ShadowLuffer 0
**** you. My dads awesome! Yours might be the asshole. That's pretty rude to say to everyone. I mean, ALOT of people agree with me!
livewire1701 8
The lack of basic reading comprehension on this comment is stunning!
snakerake 10
the person ripped off the actual saying which is "opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink."
hellbilly205 17
Or the saying mustangs are like assholes everyone has one and they stink
THE_A_TEEN 28
Never mind I read that comment right. Btw I dont agree with 12
LiveLaughFML 10
#30: what do you mean not everyone has a dead? it pisses me off when people say they don't have a dad because their parents are divorced or their father was never present in their life. even if your dad isn't on earth, you STILL have a father - otherwise you wouldn't have existed.
TUHTLES 8
#69- First off, love the number. And, I understand that, but no one is around for them to call dad, so therefore they don't have a dad. They still have a dad in the heart, or in their imagination, but not in person. Or whatever.. Please excuse my lack of good explanation.
LiveLaughFML 10
#71: ohh mkayy i see where you're coming from! :) and lol 69 is just a coincidence aha
mjninety 9
Everyone has a dad(sperm donor) not everyone has a father.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Oh **** you #30
PeteyPablo12308 20
Sounds like you two are close... What a nice man.
hellbilly205 17
This is something my dad would say to op so i feel you on this 100%
Incredibly_Dope 0
Love you too daddy!!!!!
cIickhere 5
Now go to your mom
tigerlilypop 7
Dad burned her long, long ago.
cIickhere 5
lol, true
rein 8
leave behind all your shit & let him burn down his house.
esines 9
That's weird I know someone who moved out around that time and lives in michigan
naddification 7
Don't take it to heart. It's just manopause.
DjeePee 25
Maybe he loves you so much that he's totally heartbroken now you're going away and he acts like an asshole because he can't deal with his feelings properly. Or he's just an asshole.
DCFan 9
I'm gonna go with your second thought.
cherry72 13
I vote for he is just an A*hole!!!!
mpclaw 3
Are you sure your not from Arkansas!
VWTDI1327 1
At least most people from Arkansas can use "your" correctly. ...stoopidazz.....
jonn090 13
Your dads a pretty sick dude :)
GlitteryMasakali 1
Leave behind your high powered explosives >;)